You can’t swing a dead cat in a polyamorous circle for more than 5 seconds without hitting someone talking about time, polysaturation, scheduling, or communication. There are a few little sayings that poly people just love. “Communicate, Communicate and then Communicate Some More”, and “Love is infinite. Time and energy are not” seem to be the most common two.
Polysaturation is defined as “being at your maximum relationship capacity”, meaning that when one is at the point where they do not have the time, energy, focus or attention to devote to one more relationship or activity, they are polysaturated. Google calendar is the oft-touted tool of poly and gets more use than even condoms, and poly people are by and large very safe fornicators. EVERYONE talks about the miracle powers of Google calendar. In poly circles you may never be “Facebook official” and may or may not ever get the mythical key to a partner’s apartment, but you know it’s really an interest when they share their Google calendar. This is for good reason. People are busy and poly people are even more so.
The thing is that attraction and pull and interest in other people is actually really common and very easily found. Now trust and connection, compassion, intimacy and love take longer to evolve and having the time necessary to devote to these things with a similarly situated person is a little rarer.
I’ve heard that newbies sometimes are like kids in a candy shop, intoxicated at all the newness, running from thing to thing. We build up a bunch of connections fast, but they are shallow connections that generally fail over time because they are simply not nourished. I’m really trying not to have this happen.
So far I’ve been okay, because the relationships in my life are all pretty spanking new (ahem.. spanking?). I’m concerned and hopeful that I can work this out, but it’s got me thinking about the kind of time I have available and what I can devote to relationships and to all the other stuff in life, like friends and hobbies and resting and exercise and such. How much is too much?
I am full up and cannot start any other relationships for a while. I don’t know what will happen to any of my current associations, but I don’t want them to fly apart simply because I didn’t take the time to see what they could be. I’m taking the sage advice of some other poly bloggers and concentrating my efforts where the good prospects are now, rather than continuing to find new prospects. People can handle this conundrum any way they like, and there are as many options as there are people, but I’ve decided I’m polysaturated.