I read a review of the show Polyamory Married and Dating and laughed my ass off at the comment of one reviewer that “those people examine and talk about every hint of a feeling ad nauseum”. Hilarious.
I’m feeling out of damn sorts today and I have no idea if it’s me or her or her or him.
Roller Girl is having a birthday this weekend and her sister is coming in from out of town to celebrate. Very cool stuff. We are invited to the party and very grateful to be so. Problem is, the sister is staying with Roller Girl and Kinky Boy and to preserve the sister’s view (and by extension the entire family’s view) of Roller Girl and Kinky Boy as an ordinary broken up couple who are raising a daughter together and progressively being okay with Kinky Boy’s girlfriend pretty much living there, this means no dates for Roller Girl or Kinky Boy at the house. No problem.
After much back and forth they both decided this meant no dates for the weekend. Dammit! Kinky Boy could have come back to my house and still had our date after the party but he COULD NOT wrap his head around how. Uh.. we all go to the party, you with your girlfriend and me with my hubby, and your girlfriend goes home to her perfectly wonderful apartment and you come home with me because my hubby won’t be there? Nope. He couldn’t get that. I gave up after about 3 minutes of trying to explain that. I’m disappointed but whatever. What started to get to me was Kinky Boy’s girlfriend in the background saying how it just wouldn’t work. I was a little pissed that she was weighing in on my date and my relationship frankly. She asked him “Is she freaking out about this?”
Freaking out? Uh.. no. I was trying to have a conversation with my boyfriend about why he cancelled the date so that I could understand it and move on. I wasn’t crying or upset or gnashing my teeth for Christ’s sake. Unfortunately I think I know exactly what this is. She also commented a few times about how this one time I sent him 4 texts in the course of a day when he’d forgotten his phone at home seemed “pretty insecure and needy”. The texts were “g’morning sweetness”, “What do you think about a play sometime”, “Hello?” and “What are you up to today love?”. Not exactly psycho material.
She has also declared that she would like to start coming on our dates and would like a threesome with me. She does not wish to pursue me individually however. She seemed straight and like she was being pulled into this poly stuff and kink stuff and the idea of a threesome and it was really not hot. I said I didn’t want to give up my dates for this. Then I talked to her and then she was very flirty and kinda seemed to clear that up. Now she’s talking about how it will all be easier when she comes with him on Fridays. Uh.. Mkay.
Kinky Boy and I have gone from lunch 2-3 times a week to lunch on a set day.. Tuesday. She started packing their lunches together. I think I’m being wormed in on and I think I’m being had. Of course he isn’t fighting any of it, so maybe not. Maybe I’m wishing to see the girlfriend as the villain when really it’s just Kinky Boy not really giving a shit. I don’t see him trying for more lunches or working hard to see me either. Argghh.. work calls.
***update. I had coffee with the girlfriend, as we sometimes do, and tried to clarify with her when she again referred to me as freaking out that I had not in fact freaked out but had asked Kinky Boy calmly why we had to cancel. I tried to ask if she’d gotten the wrong impression that I am some needy emotional person. We talked about how Poly has brought up things for me in the past and how it exposes stuff in people and relationships. She insisted that I had freaked out, and that I could not let it go last night. She became angry and got mean and told me that it was really needy that I had asked him “again and again” stuff that he’d already answered and that I “wouldn’t take no for an answer”. I explained that I was trying to communicate with Kinky Boy and she said “he gave you an answer and you just didn’t want to hear it.. he was telling you he didn’t want to have a date with you Friday, Ok?” She said she didn’t know why everyone “couldn’t go home with their spouses anyway”. I’m the only one married there and it’s a pretty odd thing for a poly person to say anyway. Guess who isn’t okay with the poly stuff? I shut up and watched her face change. I saw her other face and man is she hurt and mad. I have a real problem on my hands and so does Kinky Boy. There is no way I could be the one to warn him though. She’d use it to torpedo me more. I’m backing way the fuck off and steering clear of that mess.