Hubby and I had a pretty good conversation yesterday over dinner.
We were talking about why we are doing all this, why we are being poly. Sure.. to have relationships with others you do need to be open and honest and to talk through feelings, but you could also do this without actually dating or fucking others.
There is the fun and variety and beauty of dating others. This is hand in hand with the difficulty and hard feelings, rejection, joy, great sex, bad sex, mediocre sex, vulnerability, talking talking and more talking of being open. It IS a great benefit, but it does come with a price. Hopefully the positive outweighs the negative, but you know it’s still not much to answer “why?”.
Then we struck on something interesting. It was while discussing Hubby’s hard feelings about Kinky Boy and my admission that I can see some of his points about the guy. Yes, Kinky Boy is sometimes a mess and has sometimes hurt me in the past and admittedly will probably break my heart. I said, “I know it’s going to hurt probably, and I don’t like that. I’m aware of the risk in loving this guy but I just find it currently worth it. It may very well be that the things that have made me crazy at times will make me crazy enough to walk away, or that he may walk away, but honestly if it ended this week it would have been worth it. I really believe all relationships are meant to be. I just think they aren’t all meant to be forever. Think of what I have gained or learned already.”
We talked about all the things I’ve learned from Kinky Boy and they are legion! I’ve learned about poly- how to be gentle with my partner when he’s pissed me off and broken a boundary (he told me about this even if he doesn’t always do it), how to talk about things that I am scared to talk about and don’t want to talk about while I’m building a relationship, how to communicate with my Dom, how to love more kinds of pain, how to have safe sane consensual sex, how to deal with my insecurities, how to be more patient, more about how to tell someone they were wrong, how to wait, how to say when you are done waiting, how to be fisted and flogged and beaten with a cane and how to love bruises, how to take joy in my husband’s joy, see awesome things in my paintings, love my gifts just a little bit more, to fill up when I am told I am a good girl, and how to get my husband a girl’s number because he likes her and he’s shy.
He taught me this and sooooo much more in the two months I’ve dated him, sometimes on purpose and sometimes in reaction to his frustrating or irritating actions. It’s been a very valuable relationship even if you don’t count the love and affection, friendship, communication or sex. This really had me thinking about the lessons we learn from our relationships and the things they show us about ourselves, our worlds, and the people in them.
This is an interesting reason to be poly or even just to appreciate the relationships in our lives. Think of all of that learning and shaping and growth. Now that’s an interesting idea for a reason to be open.. to be open to those connections and lessons and growth, to be open to connections with others and everything they will mean about me and my world, even if they are all meant to be and some of them just not for forever.