Why'd His Daddy Die?

I had this boyfriend in highschool, Andy.  Yep.. that’s his real name.

Andy was nice enough I suppose, but he was a lot older than me and really looking to settle down and get married.  He’d built himself a great little house and had a nice job and well.. yeah.. he felt he needed a wife.  I liked him cuz he was really cute and had a motorcycle we had fun riding.  We quickly came to be in different places.  I decided I needed to break up with Andy when about 3 months in he started hinting we should be engaged.  I decided it and then agreed to meet him as we usually did and I’d tell him then.  Turns out Andy’s dad died suddenly that day, no warning at all.  Andy was devastated!  He showed up puffy eyed and upset.  I spent a long night holding him while he cried and trying to console him.  I liked Andy and was happy to do it.  Problem is, it quickly set in that you can’t break up with a guy who’s dad just died.  I’d be with Andy a while.  The little things that bugged me about him became more and more glaring.  I tried to be kind and avoided dates here and there and stayed with him a few more months to just not break up with the poor guy.  By the time we actually did break up he’d driven me totally crazy with the fact that more than just our marriage views separated Andy and I.

I find myself in a similarly conflicting situation.  Kinky Boy is on day 2 or 3 of finally learning and sinking in that he and Roller Girl are really and trully broken up and not just on some kind of break.  He really thought they were just on a big old poly break where she’d work out her stuff and he’d work on his, but that they would forever live together and raise their daughter together and someday they would be a couple again.  He finally asked her point blank and she finally said “I don’t love you and I don’t see there every again being any kind of ‘us'”.  He is beside himself.  He keeps saying “I just never imagined a world where (Roller Girl) and I were not together”.  I figured I’d go to the birthday party for his and Roller Girl’s little girl, be all polite and nice and have fun, and then I’d break up with him Monday at lunch or maybe after work.  He skipped work he’s so devastated and he literally can’t function.  Um.. not going to happen just yet.  I plan to transition to his friend, so I guess I’ll start that now.

So, we texted all day about his predicament with Roller Girl and I was supportive and helpful and loving.  I felt like a total douche at points while he was pouring out real emotion and I’m feeling for him so much, but all the while knowing too that I will soon break it off too.  I felt like I was feeding him cream with a big knife behind my back.

I’m not going to break it off till he’s less hurt and agonized, and I’m trying to be supportive and thoughtful.  It’s hard.  I feel myself wondering as I’m watching this person I honestly care about suffer if I can go through with it and really walk away.  It’s bringing up every sweet and vulnerable thing in him and I’m having trouble remembering why I wanted to let him go in the first place.  Well, not really.. but I did have to make a list today because I feel like I’m forgetting.  He says “I need to see you” and I feel all giddy inside.  He wants me!  Then I mentally smack myself across the face for being just like a big dumb dog.  I will be a good person dammit and help him thru this, and then I’m gonna break up with him and walk away from all the great and amazing stuff about him because it comes with a lot of bad stuff and I don’t want that anymore.  Steady old gal.. steeeeeady.

1 Comment

  1. That’s hard. I’ve never been in a position like that but I feel for you. It makes it harder to break up but you also hate to be stuck with someone just because you feel sorry for them. :/ Then you help him through all this stuff and turn around and you are hurting him too. I so don’t envy you at all. :/


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