Triumvirates and Love Expansion

So… last night was another date of my little triad (Roller Girl, Hubby and I).  I like to call it a triumvirate because triumvirate means: “A group of three powerful or notable people or things existing in relation to each other”.  Amaze-balls.

Thursday’s date with Hubby kinda blew up and I got all butt hurt because my loving husband spent a ton of the night texting Roller Girl on our date, even though we have agreements about not doing this.  It kinda hurt my feelings when he sent her a pic of pretty trees he’d seen on his way home (that he didn’t show to me by the way..grrr).  We didn’t get to our cuddling and didn’t get busy either.  So, Friday I was a little hurt and disappointed, and I ended up carping at Hubby and him at me pretty much right up until Roller Girl showed up.  Hubby apologized and I did too, but I just kinda feel like nothing changes.  I get that he’s in NRE.  I wanted to text Great Date all night too, but damn.. really?

So, Friday arrived and the date started pretty late and wasn’t looking like it’d be much fun.  Roller Girl had like the worst week and was very tired and due to complications with her ex and childcare, missed the boat, arriving later than expected and even more tired.  I’d really wanted to hit a poly social at the Center for Sex Positive Culture with my honeys and it was just not seeming to be a good idea.  She needed a shower and he was grumpy and by the time we’d take the ferry back to the city.. well.. it just wasn’t a good idea.  I was disappointed but tried not to act like a baby.  Turns out, it was a nice night anyway.  We walked and got a bite to eat and some coffee, which improved moods dramatically and came home to do domestic stuff like wear warm soft pajamas and watch a movie by the fireplace.  I was really enjoying the domesticity of things actually.. the nice feeling of hearing Roller Girl in the shower and Hubby knock around downstairs while I folded and put away some laundry.  It was just.. nice.  We all ended up laying on the bed in our jammies (fireplace scene downstairs be damned) and well.. things got less domestic.  We teased Hubby he’s a little kinkier than he realizes, because after a while cuddling and talking in our afterglow, he took an interest in a story from my childhood where a girlfriend and I used to draw on each others backs in bic blue.  Hubby and I ended up drawing on Roller Girls back and her sore little smacked ass and then they smacked mine up and drew on me too.  All that was missing was getting tied up first.  Hmm.. I digress.

I have to be honest.. the best part of last night was just the comfortable ease of everything, of being with these too people that I care about and loving their company.  I love this about polyamory… the connections.  It’s a very different relationship than I’ve ever been in, and we’re kinda making up these rules as we go along, and I kinda like that.

Traveler had to postpone our date a little today because of an appointment in the city, which means he’ll miss my walking tour of our little community (it rolls up early), but I gave him a raincheck and plan a really nice evening anyway.

Here’s a weird thing I’ve noticed about this liking and loving multiple people.  It doesn’t actually mean that I miss anybody less.. in fact it just means I spend more time missing.  A fellow blogger recently said “The more I love, the more my heart expands to love” (and I just searched and searched for the post and can’t find it but will link it when I do).  I totally relate.

It’s simple really and it’s odd we don’t ordinarily think of it, but of course we already know about the expansion of love.  We can love our 7 brothers and our 3 best friends.  We can love all of our grandparents and our moms and dads and our cousins too.  We can love our frat brothers and our Army unit.  Of course we can love our lovers and loving another lover doesn’t mean less love for anyone but maybe more love overall.  Now, having said that.. that’s a lot of “love talk”, and you know.. I’m not totally there, but you get the drift.  I’m feeling abundant today.


  1. We have a finite amount of time to spend and thus love to give (not saying the amount of love is finite btw, just the time to convey it); it would be wonderful to not have to miss anyone, but it happens mostly due to time and distance. Perhaps if we all quit our jobs and just spent time loving everyone and living together we could feel like we were able to spend enough time loving those we would like to. Its a lot of work to try and balance the love getting and giving isn’t it!
    Not a serious comment about tthe commune thing obviously… 😛 A commune concept only works for a little while, history has shown us.


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