Spiritual Gifts and Polyamory

Hmm.. this is interesting.  I am now being followed by a number of clearly very religious bloggers.  I don’t know if they are using my blog as some kind of “what not to do”, or if they are religious by day and enjoyers of poly blogs by night, or even if they all somehow belong to Christian faiths that are totally cool with people ethically and honestly loving more than one person at a time.  It’s interesting.

I’ve spent a lot of time this week thinking about what I believe.  Great Date and I have been talking about it as he tries to find a way to stay sober and grow as an atheist.  I’m not an atheist.  I was.  I don’t see anything at all wrong with being an atheist actually and don’t view my own journey as “I finally got it”.  I hate when people are like that.  I just have changed a bit and this is the particular direction I’ve grown at the moment.  I could have as easily grown to become more atheist or more Christian or whatever.  I’m not saying I outgrew my atheism.

My relationship with the spiritual stuff has always been complicated.  I discovered sex and booze and drugs around the time my Dad (who raised me) became deeply maddeningly religious; like no rock music, church 3 times a week, bible study, exorcism, talking in tongues religious.  I had been to Sunday school as a kid and felt like whoever God was he was kinda cool.  Now I had an out and out war with God and my father.  Public enemy number one became Christians and Jesus.  I had my personal reasons, but let’s be honest.  A group of people who walk around believing they know the only right way to be and all other people are wrong and it’s their personal mission to tell you how superior they are and to convert you, or at the very least pray for you.. well.. they’re asking for derision.

I developed a lovely drinking and drug problem and found myself in 12 step and again face to face with the God issue.  That pesky God word was woven through the whole thing.  I was certain of course that when they said it was open to me to find a power by which I could live, that what they really meant was my own religion or Christian belief.  Happily, when I found a sponsor and actually did step work I discovered that I could be an atheist forever and have excellent happy sobriety, provided I did find some kind of power greater than me. I chose the 12 step program itself.  This was a group of millions and millions of drunks who took simple suggestions and changed their lives.  Pretty powerful.

This GOD (group of drunks) or this program (good orderly direction) totally saved my life and gave me an existence I could not have envisioned.  The fact that I was an alcoholic was a symptom of what was wrong with me, and over time I took suggestions and really changed.  The happiest, freest, most wonderful years of my life and people in my life are due to this.

Over time I began to have a kind of faith though.  The more I did the stuff and it worked the more I began to trust it.  It began to feel like maybe there was something, some kind of order to the universe, some kind of something to this oneness of all things.  There is power that makes stars shine and animates a living thing before it dies.  There is something.  I tried to define it.  I tried a bunch of religions and readings and practices.  I converted.  It never really fit.  I liked things about Buddhism and the good kind of Christians.  I like Jewish mysticism and some new agey stuff that not too out there… but it’s not.. me.  None of it really fits that still small quiet voice in me that tells me the truth.  There are aspects of all of it that ring false false false.  So, over time I changed again.  I accepted that there isn’t a church for me necessarily.  I don’t get the comfort of a community of people who share my exact beliefs.  I am spiritual but not religious.  I don’t have any opinions on other people’s beliefs really and I found a way after years of intense work on it not to hate religious people and to make use of what they have to offer.  I’ve met lovely lovely religious people and lovely lovely atheists.  Whatever.  Follow your heart I say.  Let go of your prejudice and hate and find what is honest and true for you.  If it works, don’t mess with it.  Actually  no.. even if it works, mess with it.  Question it.  Turn it over.  Check its shocks.  If its true it can take it.

I will never understand everything.  I will never understand everything that is true and works, so sometimes I have to just go with it and see if it works.  Maybe I’ll never fully get it, but I can always keep trying to.  Eh.. that’s what my faith is.

So, how do I gel all of this with polyamory?  Very very easily.  My relationships are honest and open.  I strive to tell the truth to those I am involved with.. the truth about my feelings, my intentions, my actions.  I love them and try to treat them well.  I hope that I make the people’s lives I am in better for having known me.  I explore our connection, whatever it is, and try to let it be what it is.  And the truth is, I think I AM a force for good in the people’s lives I am in.
I think I am in these people’s lives for a reason and they are in mine for a reason too. I think it is a spiritual truth that I draw people into my life and me to their’s because we need to be there.  I’m not talking “the secret” kind of stuff here.  Maybe just scientifically too.  Maybe there is something about the way they present themselves that a part of me that has something to work out can recognize and be drawn to.  I pray that I can be useful and that I can be an instrument for good in this world, and I’m bringing good I think to those I love.  I don’t want to go on and on listing each way at the moment.. but I am doing spiritual good with those I love and there is a long list of what they bring to my life and what I bring to theirs.  Yeah.. that’s how I gel it.


  1. I think I’m one of the religious readers. And quite honestly, I read it because I enjoy your writing. Because, I think it is interesting. Because just because I believe something doesn’t mean I think everyone else should. Because, Husband and I have actually talked about this sort of relationship before, and at this time, we know it isn’t for us, but, it seems silly to be judgey over someone else deciding it is for them, maybe I’m living vicariously through you. I am not a member of a faith that is cool with ethical polygamy, but personally, I consider cheating to be lying, to be a secret. You guys aren’t doing that, so, I don’t see a problem with it.


  2. Mouth Drop… belovedahava… I was just about to post to polychic that I am having similar interests on my Blog… but your comment just shut me up! And that my friend is a hard task to do. So I will reserve my comment and my opinion. How refreshing.

    On another note… Seattlepolychic… I mentioned you in this weeks blog. 🙂


  3. I’ve been noticing a similar trend on my blog. Maybe because I tend to talk spiritual and philosophical a lot? Or perhaps cos I talk about love. Ha, either way, its great to know that one’s words can reach a diverse audience, right?

    I was chatting with someone today about religions vs spiritual paths. She passed on to me something that was told to her- that there’s a difference between the mystics and the fundamentalists of any faith. Christian, Muslim, Jewish, hindu- the fundamentalists have more in common across religion than they do with the mystics of their own faith.

    I’d wager that we could expand the same to political and social paths. I’m noting there’s the more ‘fundamental’ polyamorists out there, just as there are the more free-form ‘mystical’. And the free-form seekers will draw the other free-form seekers of other paths and journeys. Does that make any sense?

    Also, I think I just figured out who Great Date is! Ahaaaaaa so cool to read blogs and see them correlate 🙂


  4. Pingback: Answers to (burning?) questions… | Our Poly Thoughts

  5. I really enjoyed reading this, and I really love finding people who are willing to talk completely openly about their beliefs, but also their doubts. I have struggled with faith and belief stuff for a long time, and it is something I talk about in my blog as well. I currently consider myself an atheist with spiritual leanings, and one of the many reasons I left my faith was because I couldn’t reconcile my poly lifestyle with the beliefs I was supposed to have in the church I was part of.

    So, I guess I am trying to say, thank you for your post 🙂


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