Cornucopia

Merriam-Webster Inc as “an inexhaustible store”

“The cornupodia (from Latin cornu copiae) or horn of plenty is a symbol of abundance and nourishment, commonly a large horn-shaped container overflowing with produce, flowers, nuts, other edibles or wealth in some form.  Originating in classical antiquity, it has continued as a symbol in Western art, and in North America is particularly associated with the Thanksgiving holiday” – Kevin Clinton, Myth and Cult: The Iconography of the Eleusinian Mysteries

I wanted to do a Thanksgiving blog and wanted it to be about poly stuff.  I read a few nice ones on gratitude and planned to steal the idea, because honestly I have so much to be grateful for, in life and love.  But.. when I sat to write it I thought it’d be more interesting if I picked something else.  I played around, thinking about Thanksgiving and symbols and thought maybe something about a buffet and then I alighted on it.. the cornucopia.  What greater symbol for both Thanksgiving and polyamory than a horn of plenty.

I love the first definition.. an inexhaustible supply.  Perfect.  I read a lot about poly, trying to learn from other’s experience and to suss out what I think and feel and believe in reading about others.  There is a ton of talk about this idea of love as an ever expanding thing.  The talk about it gets a little.. misty eyed for my tastes but it’s totally true.  Love is an inexhaustible supply.  The more I love the more I am capable of love.  This doesn’t mean that I become some gushing mother Earth that loves all things and all people.  I am still selective.  I don’t love everyone.  I don’t even love everyone I am dating.  I don’t love Traveler yet.  I don’t know if I will.  I don’t know if we will build that kind of connection or not, but I’m exploring it.  I’m pretty damn lucky that I love my husband and Great Date and Roller Girl.  It’s a crazy abundance, a complete gift.  When I began to fall for Kinky Boy (yes yes… bad idea but it was still educational) I was surprised by the truth of the inexhaustible supply of love.  I didn’t love my husband less.  I don’t have a tiny little pot of love that runs out or fades if it is divided.  I have an inexhaustible supply.  The more I use my love the more my pool of love fills and my capacity to love grows.  My heart feels bigger.

A cornucopia as a symbol of abundance and nourishment is also apt.  Having more than one love is complicated and messy and challenging and scary at times.  It can be really HARD.  But it sure as hell is abundant and nourishing.  I am fed.  I nourish others.  I keep saying it because it’s so damn true.  Poly brings out things in people and relationships.  Sometimes it is those difficult things, communication problems, insecurities.. cracks in relationships.  Sometimes it’s beautiful things, a new appreciation of music, another kind of humor, a love of affection and new parts of one’s self and one’s partners.  And honestly.. it is no small thing that in poly I don’t want or need or expect anyone to be absolutely everything to me or me to them.  I am exactly who I am and am loved for that.  I love my loved ones for who they are and for what they bring to my life.  I am loved and love in abundance.  I can’t describe this very well.  It’s not like I view my loves as parts of a whole or find them interchangable.. it’s that I have special and unique relationships with them and treasure the gifts of those relationships.  They are what they are and it’s okay for them to be so.

Well.. I better go shower and get my Thanksgiving started.  I am moving slow but feeling good.  Great Date spent the night last night and we didn’t sleep that well.  I wish it was because we were up being super naughty, but it’s actually that I snored too much and kept him up and he had to use his cpap in the spare room.  I woke up sad, missing him in my bed.  I woke up sad that I make it hard for him to sleep here.  He reassured and reassured me it wasn’t some kind of rejection of me, adn I knew it wasn’t.. but.. I still woke alone.  He came in in the morning and we snuggled and talked a good while and all was well though.  He had to rush off to his Thanksgiving and me to mine, but there was just enough time to kiss and cuddle, eat breakfast and enjoy a little coffee.  We talked about our tendancy to have “date droop” or that feeling of saddness as the chemicals leave our systems after our wonderful dates and this time I was prepared.  I listened to good music and was diligent with my thoughts.  I miss him, but I’m starting to understand and have faith that this thing is maybe real and maybe could last.  There are things to overcome and things to deal with on both sides, and how can you ever know really.. but today I’m feeling grateful.  Yeah.. I said it.  I’m grateful for the love in my life and the freedom.  I’m grateful for friends and family, a job I love doing, a warm and comfortable home, and for getting to live this life I’ve created.  Okay okay.. I did a little gratitude list anyway.

1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Sunshine Blogger Award! | rarasaur

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