The rounds of talks have continued. Sigh. It’s very good and important stuff. It’s 1am and I’m off to bed and don’t really feel like rehashing all that bid-ness.
Let’s talk about sex instead.
I sometimes cope with feelings by having sex. It’s a release. When things were really really really bad with Kinky Boy and we were breaking up I just wanted to be fucked.. hard. I wanted to be fucked so hard I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but be fucked.
These talks are good stuff. They’re good to have worked on. This shit is confusing and new and complicated sometimes. There are a lot of emotions just now. We’re making all of this up as we go along. I’m reading blogs and message boards, and read the requisite poly books “Opening Up” and “The Ethical Slut”, but so much isn’t covered.
Great Date and I have a date tomorrow and I want to eat dinner in bed, so we can cuddle and digest and fuck. I want to hold him and touch him and kiss him and reassure him that we are okay. I want to snuggle and feel close and touch him all over. I want to wrestle and tussle and get him growling. Then I want to have him fuck me and forget about worrying if he hurts me…not thinking, and not being anything but inside me.
I feel tender. i want that sweetness of smoothing out the difficulty of the last couple of days with sweet words and tender touches, luscious kisses… but I also feel like a good release is necessary. I want the letting go and freedom of arching up to meet him or sitting astride him, sweating, swearing, writhing, aching, growling, biting, panting, grabbing, twisting, deep- oh god so very fucking deep- good old fashioned fucking.