So, it's like that

I’ve been in most of my relationships a little under 6 months, which seems to be the beginning of the space where relationships stop being all sweetness and light and begin to get real.  (That just made me think of the intro to the Real World).  This has been happening in some talks over the past weeks and this week it just feels sweet.real world

Great Date is deep into a pet project and has been a bit distracted.  It happens.  When you date smart passionate people this is sometimes the price.  He’s a sweetie though so he’s made a point to occasionally tell me he still loves me but he’s excited about his work.  Perfect!  I do well when I know I’m loved and can be pretty damn patient.  🙂  Our dates this week were a tad less perfect than they have been in past weeks, and you know what.. I’m okay with it.  I cried in front of him and I was weak.  He listened and comforted me and gave me the friendship that I needed.  I was insecure the next day and I talked to him about it like an adult and asked for what I wanted clearly.  We had a reasoned conversation.  I worry about being real in this way sometimes, being vulnerable, but I’m finding at each turn that he’s a person worthy of being vulnerable with (though thank god I won’t have to do it often!).  I’ve been able to be there for him and liked being so, and while it wasn’t comfortable for me to need it, it felt good that he’s there for me too.  It’s a wonderful thing to to have evidence that the smart sexy guy you’re dating also has a good heart.  Things are becoming more real and I see evidence of his decency and his love, and it’s making me feel just a little more secure, a little more okay with a tiny bit of distance as he does exciting things.  I can’t talk about it here, but it’s fucking awesome and I will talk about it for sure when I am able.  Happy sigh.

Roller Girl and I had a long-awaited and oft-cancelled date finally happen.  It was just so damn good to have an evening with her.  We didn’t do anything special but it was special.  We had a quiet dinner in my new neighborhood (by the new play space, which needs a name by the way.. ideas?) and strolled as much as we could stand in the bitter cold before settling for a coffee and a drink in a little bar.  We talked about everything, as we do.  She and I just have this wonderful friendship connection above and beyond everything and it was great to reconnect that way.  Of course she’s hot, but this reality.. this just normal side of her was so nice to spend time with, so welcome and so needed.

Then this weekend I saw Traveler.  Sadly this was to be the only time I saw him this month as we both have holiday stuff and he’s on his last trip for work.  (Turns out I can see him for lunch on Friday!  Yay!)  This was our first date at his house.  I had come by once before but this was the first time we had a sexy date there.  It was a daytime date while his wife was at work because it was really all we could work out with timing and space (thank god we’re getting the as yet unnamed play space..ideas?).  I suppose the reality there was that our chemistry is extending outside the bedroom more and more but slowly.  There was of course oodles of sex, but also oodles of conversation, which you know I love.  As we are getting to know each other more we’re finding the conversation easier to produce.  I taught him to cook grilled cheese sandwiches and we talked about the possibility of going in together on a play space in the future.  I like the reality of him so far.  I just keep finding he’s an honest and decent guy.

Hubby and I had a date and hit a motorcycle show today.  Now, that’s been real for a long time.  It was nice to spend some good quality time with him, admiring custom bikes and planning to spend all of our money (hehehe).  I like the way his mind works and I just genuinely like spending time with him.  We got drenched running a few errands and had a busy night preparing for the week.  It wasn’t a sexy date but it was intimate.  There’s a comfort to the reality of life with my husband and I appreciate that more now than ever.  There are very few things I have to explain to Hubby because he knows the back story.  He was there for most of it.  It’s a lovely reality.

And finally there is the reality of setting up a play space… holy crap is it work and it just adds up!  I am a bargain hunter extraordinaire, but even so.. ouch.  I didn’t think about it when I was making the plans really.  I was cognizant that I’d need to buy a bed but I somehow didn’t think about all the details.  I need a mattress, box spring, sheets, blankets, pillows, a mattress cover, towels, a nightstand, a lamp, hangers, something to carry my bath stuff back and forth from the bathroom in, a garbage pail, toiletries and..and..and.  It’s a LOT!  I’m going to pretty much be living in a place for 2-3 nights a week and a bare room requires stuff to be comfortable.  Some of the niceties will have to wait.. candles, a nice throw for the bed, maybe an electric blanket if it’s chilly… we’ll get there.  I’m excited though that I can have a comfortable place to spend time with my love, and hey.. it’s still cheaper than constant hotels.  It feels more real to be investing in my relationships, but they’re important to me and Hubby and having the freedom to see our loves is important.  It’s gonna be a heck of a week, but I sign the lease and get keys Tuesday and move in Wednesday.

It’s getting…



  1. I’ll think about a name for your place. It has to be something special. One thing got my attention: why do you think six months makes a difference? I’m asking because I’m in my fourth month of seeing Jack and I really have no idea what this is or where I’m going. God, I wish I had your relationship. It would be so much easier if everything could be in the open. Yes, I do have that with my husband, but we don’t really talk about it.


    • I’m not sure why, but 6 months to a year seems to be when stuff gets a little more real. There’s oodles of articles about it. I think it’s just when people let their guard down more. We’re all on our best behavior when we start dating and eventually you get to a point where you start to let that crap go and I think for me tends to be around 6 months.
      I’m sorry that you’re disclosures with your partners are limited. I hope they improve for you.


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