How many times does he have to tell me?

Wow.  I just totally completely and utterly misread a conversation via text with Great Date.  Sadly almost all our conversations are via text, which generally I like, but which AGAIN bit me in the ass.  He said some cool stuff tonight and I thought I was telling him how happy and flattered I was and then asked him a general question.  He said he’d rather not talk about it, which I sadly ignored, thinking he was just being sweet and trying to protect me from being all sensitive or hurt, which I totally wasn’t.  I should have let it go but instead I tried to reassure him that he didn’t have to talk about it but that I was okay and he didn’t have to not talk about it for ME.

This was a bad move.  We started talking about what I thought was a general talk about how men and women communicate about attractions.  I thought it was fun and was utterly unaware of how it was being perceived by him.. which was dumb… he warned me that this was not a good thing to talk about via text.  I totally didn’t get it AGAIN.  I thought.. don’t be silly!  I”m not upset at all.  We can talk about this!  Uh oh.  He was upset and I was NOT GETTING IT.

Suddenly it got in my thick skull that he was VERY pissed.  Uh oh.  I was confused about why, having forgotten that I’d ignored his request not to talk about one thing  and then started talking about another related topic.  We started to smooth it out as I was admitting I had totally misread the entire thing and wasn’t intending to badger him or make him talk or whatever.  I told him that I was sorry I had ignored his clear (in hindsight) statements that he wanted to stop talking about it.

In my clumsy attempts to apologize I tried to explain why I’d been so confused and made the fight worse.  He asked me to again stop talking about it, which confused me because I thought we were talking about a third thing- how I had managed to screw up.  Then I thought.. Eureka.. I know why he’s so upset about all this.. he’s afraid of blah blah blah.. and I was mind reading him, which NOBODY likes.. ever.

Basically I feel like a big dumb oaf.  I stumbled into something, was clearly warned, disregarded it not out of malice but out of total misunderstanding, made it worse and then made it still worse and then tried to mind read how it had all gone so astray in the first place and was WAYYYYYY off.  Clearly ignoring what he was saying was a BAD IDEA.  Clearly trying to explain it while he was upset was a BAD IDEA.  Clearly trying to figure out why he was so upset when he was asking me to stop talking about it was another huge mistake.  I honestly and truly am sorry.

He finally just cut the conversation off.  I was frustrated and said “fuck me.  goodnight”, meaning “I’m frustrated and dammit why is this happening? Good Night”.

I sent a last message asking if he would please talk to me tomorrow.  Here’s hoping we talk and that he is calmer and I’m less stupid.

Dammit.. It’s our first real fight.  Crap Crap Crap.  Here’s hoping it’s not our last.

***update.. we did talk this morning and worked a lot of it out.   Turns out the fight was about my seeming insistence on not dropping a topic he’d asked me to drop.  I was thinking I HAD dropped it because we were talking about something else and he was thinking I HADN’T dropped it because to him talking about a related thing is still talking about the bad subject.  I don’t agree but I can totally respect that.  When asked to drop it I can try to drop the whole thing and talk about something totally different until we are ready to come back to it.  God I hate conflict like this.  I barely slept and I just still feel this kind of emotional hangover.  I don’t do well with stuff like this.  Letting go and/or waiting are NOT strong suits of mine.  Yay.. yet another opportunity to work on my shit.

patience

7 Comments

  1. Don’t beat yourself up, EllariaSand and I have said it and proven that 140-characters is the worst way to discuss things (IM is not much better). It’s way too easy to misread/be misread when you’re cut off from the clues of a face-to-face conversation or a phone call.

    Like

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