I am tired of being emo.
I am tired of being a drama lama.
I am sick and tired of talking about my god damned feelings.
Honestly I don’t even want to rehash it. I’m sick of it dear bloggers and I’m pretty sure if I were you I would be too. I processed through the things from earlier this week and felt like I was moving on.. on the mend and getting better. I’m not loving dealing with greater layers of insecurity. I’m not loving my fear. Ugh.. I’ve typed more and more general descriptions and gotten sick of it each time and deleted it.
I’m trying to think of something a little more interesting to think about. Hmm… sex!
I had a good night with Great Date despite the fact that poor thing was still really sick. I planned to let him rest and just really needed to see him. We planned a nice relaxing evening of snuggling and Netflix. I should have known that might prove difficult though.
I should explain that I hadn’t had sex in 8 days and hadn’t cum in 11. I was like a cat in heat. I was in a state of constant aching arousal. Great Date and I had our last date on a Tuesday and cancelled the next date because he had been sick. I saw Traveler that Friday and had a quickie but hadn’t gotten a chance to cum. No biggie. Well, that night my daughters arrived and I both didn’t have dates and couldn’t masturbate the 8 days they were here. Problem is.. and this is weird.. I cannot cum with my own hand. I can cum with a vibrator or a massaging shower head if I masturbate, but can’t cum with just my hand. I can come any way with a partner. It’s just how I’ve always been. Well.. with my daughters here and everyone around constantly for 8 days.. I couldn’t masturbate.
Great Date and I were having some crazy hot conversations and talking fantasies and plans and I was just.. tortured. I even tried to surreptitiously look up techniques for female hand jobs to no avail. I knew Great Date would still be sick Saturday when I had my date with him and planned to take my vibrator to the space to take care of things before he got there and then in the rush to get my daughters off to the airport and such I hadn’t brought it. By the time I saw him I was a writhing mess. I would have humped a tree and a man I love and am massively turned on by was in my bed.
In my defense he started it. I was being soooo good. When we snuggled up I didn’t move against him or anything. I laid there still, getting wetter and wetter, aching for him and did nothing. I was bound and determined to be a good girl and good girlfriend. He was SICK. But.. then he moved against me and I could feel his cock hardening.
I still tried to be good.. but I writhed a little. I rolled away from him, not trusting myself. I wanted him so badly. And then he pulled me to him in earnest. We kissed and I was powerless to be good. He made the growly low sound he makes and I would have done anything to fuck him. He said he wanted me but didn’t know if he had the energy. I told him I was fine to do the work.
Oh my god. It’s like he was designed for me. I was insatiable and he was so very good. Afterwards he played with me with his lovely lovely graceful hands. Finally I worked up my courage and asked him to fist me.. and he did.. a lot. Huzzah! Then he let me suck his hard-working cock and came for me in a very very sexy way.
He was so sweet. He apologized and promised me an amazing date when he is well again and not tired, sick or out of sorts. Silly thing. Even sick he is a damn inferno. My only complaint is that I didn’t let him rest. I don’t want him afraid to come around me when he would rather not have sex. I do LOVE the guy after all and don’t want to treat him like a stud mule.
Hmm.. screw emo. I think I feel like thinking about Saturday instead… Yeah yeah yeah, processing is important. I’m doing it. I’m doing it. I’m just happy I’m finishing up my latest round. It will not be my last emotional growing spot and wasn’t my first either. But there are rewards. And think, having sex with him isn’t even my favorite part. 🙂