FML

so, i am pecking this out w one finger on my non-writing hand.  why you ask?  i had a motorcycle accident and broke my right elbow and left thumb and hand and severely bruised my pelvis.  joy-o-rama.  i am out of commision in sooooo many ways.  why yes, my vagina is black and blue!  im afraid to ask when i can use THAT again.  😦

that is the least of my issues.  getting from place to place, washing my face, showering, liftinhg things heavier than a coffee cup…forget it.  i am not a happy polychick.  btw.. i will not be editing this. stick with me please.  this is hard.  i don’t like depending on anyone, ever.   needing people to wash my face is maddening.  everything hurts and my sweet sweet motorcycle is dead.  a stupid man made an illegal u right into me, and there you go.  its a weird thing.  its all slow motion and then you are a rag doll in a clothes dryer and then you are laying on the ground hearing shouts and people saying “hey buddy! are you ok?”  they gasp when you roll over and youre a girl.  a sweet woman with teary eyes fishes a phone from your pocket and calls your husband.

he was home with the flu and i couldnt reach him before the ambulance took me away.  when i saw the pacman-face of my front tire i knew.  they gave me morphine in the ambulance and i was so grateful.

i still couldnt reach hubby and my signal was awful, but great date got it and came, surprising me at the hospital.  he kept me company and soothed me w his calm presence.  he was patient and kind and held whatever didnt seem broken, telling me that he loved me.  he let me hold him while they stuck a needle inside my elbow joint, telling me to stop apologizing for screaming and shock at the pain.    he stayed even after hubby showed, supporting us both.  he planned to come and stay w me saturday, even tho he knows there w be no sex and no sexy times, to play games with me and to hold me and be with me, because he loves me.  he loves me.  he loves me even w im not sexy.. when hes hungry and im scared.  i cant tell u what that meant to me.  that meant more than 1000 sexy nights.  its one thing to hope and believe, and another to have proof.  its real.

it meant so much to me to have them there.  its like great date said once before- surrounded by love.

so im adjusting ungracefully to my new helpless condition, and mourning my freedom and my bike, but im also soothed that maybe there is truth in all of this and maybe its real.. these connections we are growing.  ive spent a couple of days learning to be helped by hubby and phd (who is here), and i will see traveler for a brief non-sexy date he still wanted, and will get to hold and sleep with great date after an evening w loved ones.

how lucky i am to walk away from this accident, even if im limping from a junk punch, to the arms of the men i love and a man i like.  roller girl and i have admitted for now we arent dating..that we’re friends (ok friends with love and attraction) and she is still here too, loving and supporting.  i keep thinking of great date’s soothing voice purring to me, as he gently stroked my hand.. “ok baby, it’s ok.  im here honey, ok”.  i was in agony at the time, shaking and crying and trying not to throw up, but i still find it soothing.  sitting here pecking a blog post w my left middle finger i think… “yeah i need a typing volunteer” and “yeah, maybe it will be ok.  maybe.

15 Comments

  1. So sorry to read about your accident and pac-man front tire (I can understand that oddly enough). Silver-lining of the people you love being there for you sounds awesome. If I was nearby I would gladly volunteer to type for you. Get well.

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  2. So sorry to hear!!! Jack had a bike for years but sold it when we had Max the Great-Triad. People are stupid and terrible drivers!! But you’re ok – that’s the important thing. And obviously this experience is exactly what you needed to believe how loved you really are. The universe will just keep on trying to teach you a lesson until you get it – no matter what it takes! Your post brought tears to my eyes. Hurray for love.

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  3. Sorry to read this. Heal quickly. As Clara wrote, I’ve been lucky, I’ve made mistakes and thrown a few motorcycles down the road (or memorably, into a muddy waist-deep ditch) and been relatively unhurt. Sometimes that luck runs out. The love and care from the people around you, and letting them love and care for you, will get you through it.

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  4. I just started following your blog a few days ago, but I hope you feel better soon and recover smoothly! It’s great that you do at least have people who love you around supporting you, and I hope you’re able to more comfortably enjoy their attentions soon. 🙂

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