inch by inch

i have to peck this out and its agonizingly slow and kinda painful.  my left thumb is broken and the ligament may require surgery, and my radial head is fractured at the elbow.  my pelvis had the nastiest bruise imaginable, but mercifully d/n break.  but i am on the mend.

my sweet 2008 1200 harley nightster is dead.  she was officially totaled this week and has been hauled away.  this is my second motorcycle accident in 4 years and my second totaled bike, both times in unavoidable accidents that weren’t my fault.  after some thought, im hanging up my biker boots for now.  at the very least i will no longer be a motorcycle commuter.  this hurts almost as much as the broken bones.

i’ll miss my identity, my bike, the freedom and convenience.  yes… for those who read certain blogs, i was biker chick.  i hope i keep the title and am someday at least a riding for pleasure again.  i think im losing some major cool points here, so like a petulant child i’m thinking of ways to garner some back.. maybe ill take up bass guitar or pierce my nipples, or get another bitching tattoo or weld.  i don’t know.  maybe i’ll finish that novel.

at any rate i am neither dead nor permanently maimed.  i touched my face w my right hand and put a bra on by myself for the first time today.  i had to step into it, but it counts.  i’m hoping to soon wash my own hair and face and have dreams of again driving my stick shift car.  somewhere in there id like to blog again dear readers on a regular basis becuase ive missed you and your visits.  

my loves have been amazing.  great date held my hand while i screamed for mercy as they slid a needle into and fished around in my elbow.  he gently held me as i moaned in pain in my sleep.  he’s talked me off ledges and soothed me all week and its been a really stressful week for him too, which i was glad to offer love thriugh.  there was a tiny moment today, when i’d accidentally aroused his jealousy and hurt and i just wished i could open my mind to him, to show him the depth of my love and awe for him.  we talked it out, and again i am pleased with the direction of this relationship.  

my husband has washed me daily, even if grumbled about it a bit and has taken this week to drive me to endless appointments and do the myriad things i can’t.  its given us back a little intimacy we’ve lost and im grateful.  traveler even pitched in, staying with me for a night, playing goofy boardgames until i was too high on pain meds and petting and sleeping with me.  my friends have been wonderful and patient, helpful and understanding of my daily impromptu naps.  i’ve felt really angry a few times, broken irretrievably a few times, hopeless a couple of times and utterly and completely grateful dozens of times.  i miss you guys, but please hang in there with me.  i’ll be back soon.  i just thank the universe for showering me with love.

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