DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE DATING ME… you have been warned.
Friday I had my long awaited date with Traveler. I really may have to give him another name since he doesn’t actually travel that much any more. Anyway, we hadn’t seen each other the weekend before because of scheduling difficulties though we had enjoyed a bunch of talks and a ton of fun of a new obsession, World of Warcraft (WoW). He and Great Date got me addicted and I’ve been spending oodles of time playing with them.
He picked me up from work and we just missed the early ferry to my place, which ended up giving us both the wait and the ferry time to talk. We had our own talk about the honest and open thing. It was kind of weird, but I realized suddenly that we’ve actually become quite intimate and good at it.
He was so hard to talk to when we first began dating. He’s so quiet and reserved. He’s a very tough nut to crack. It was so subtle I’d missed it, but there it was. He and I communicate very well. It’s a different kind of connection. It’s less dramatic. It’s easy. It’s simple. We are utterly honest and clear. There is clear sexual chemistry and friendship and connection. We’ve talked a lot about our other relationships, and work and current events. We’ve played a lot of board games and had our time in WoW.
I still don’t know what we’ll ultimately be, but it’s a solid and happy relationship. Wow. Who knew?
In fact, later that night, after the yum yum sexy stuff, he brought up the topic of “US”. He said he was really happy about how things had been going. He elaborated and was quite chatty in fact. He said that he liked how easy things were with us. He liked how well we talked and how we could be silly and have fun playing games. He loved the sex and the physical intimacy and touch, and all the affection and cuddling. He liked how just.. good things were and was surprised we’d connected on so many levels. Like me he’d kinda thought we were maybe just going to be friends who kinda dated and had great sex sometimes and he was surprised to find we’d really bonded and seem to be connecting on a ton of levels. The relationship between the two of us surprised him too, and he liked how we are just happy. He seemed to be where I am when he said “I’m not sure what this is exactly, but I see tons of potential”.
I gave him similar reassurances and similar praise and then asked… “where do you think this could go?”. To be super honest I’ve never really understood if anything has any future with him or what he might be seeking ultimately. Like I’ve said.. he’s a cool customer. Imagine how much he floored me with his answer.
He talked about how over the last few years he and his wife and their long term open relationship has evolved. He said “I’d like to think that this relationship could last and that you and I could continue and grow”. He then talked about big picture ideas and dreams.. saying that he and his wife had talked about this a lot of ironically had come up with similar dreams to Hubby and I. He has a dream that maybe some of his relationships will last, and that maybe he can even share some kind of life, up to and including living together. He also liked the idea of a living situation like the TV show Big Love. I actually gasped when he said it. He rushed to explain he was not asking to live together and I laughed. I was not worrying that I thought he meant with me or right now. I was exclaiming because our dreams and potentials were so similar and it honestly shocked the hell out of me. In no way did I see that coming.
I still don’t know what we’ll be, and I’m not sure it matters right now. I like the easy fun of Traveler and I. I like our friendship and our connection. I like our sexual chemistry. I love holding him and touching him and the affection and touch. I like talking to him. I have no idea if that will ever be love or what it would mean or look like if it was, but I have to be honest and say.. I like that it’s not arbitrarily limited. I like that it could be absolutely anything up and to including my dreams.
I talked it all out with Roller Girl, who said “I think you just have to wrap your head around that idea that it is okay to be open to things actually working out the way you want them to” and “trust that you have a good support system and safety net for the times that it doesn’t. It’s kinda what I’m wrestling with these days.”
It’s also kind of like I told Traveler after our talk that night. “I need to know that I’m not setting myself up for 30 years of little shallow 6 month relationships that go nowhere, you know? I can’t pour myself out there like that for so little.” He showed more emotion that I’ve seen him show, and he grabbed me, wrapped me up in him and kissed me. “I know exactly what you mean”, he said. I told him I was starting to see that maybe I wasn’t being stupid to dream the stuff I was dreaming. I am a realist but I like hope.
After a little bit holding each other in silence after that, I cleared my throat and said “So, uh..wanna play a little World of Warcraft?”.