I had a date Friday with Traveler at my play space and it was maybe one of the best dates we’ve had. And then I met his other gal… It wasn’t that we did anything special exactly. I think it was just that it was so fulfilling and so what I wanted and needed from him.
We began the date at my place, meeting just after work. We kissed and snuggled and rolled around on my bed, reveling in my increasingly healed arms and my ability to pet. There is something totally amazing about his touch.. so varied and intense. I get completely worked up and blissed while we fondle and stroke and pet each other. We’re like people on ecstasy.
He wanted to go eat because he’d missed lunch, and he’d been up since 2 am for some reason, but he’d had a granola bar so I figured I could molest him into a quickie before dinner. We kissed and groped and I ended up stroking him for a while, until he said “are you ready to go eat?”. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed, but the night was young.
We went to dinner at one of my favorite little places, had a great meal and laughed like hyenas, and then scored some coffee on the way back to my space. He had asked if he could bring his computer so we could play WoW together and I said we could play if he didn’t wear pants. Hey.. I’m a simple gal. We can do a lot of things on dates if you don’t wear pants. Think about it. What’s better. A date with a really hot person playing monopoly, or a date with a really hot person playing pants-less monopoly? Yeah.. I thought you’d agree.
The internet didn’t ever end up working for our game, but we didn’t seem to mind too much. I still can’t put weight on my arm but it does bend freely and give me access to a lot of fun things I’ve missed. He has three frenum piercings, and they are a LOT of fun to play with and I’ve missed playing with them, so play with them I did. He fisted me till I soaked the bed and then rode me with utter abandon. It was incredibly hot. As if all that wasn’t enough, we talked and talked and talked. We showed each other pictures and talked about past relationships and conquests and places we’ve been. We talked about peccadilloes and quirks and let each other in, just a little more. He told me he really cares about me.
We finally slept and woke and got right back into petting and cuddling. I woke a little raring to go, (as usual), and wishing I could ride him, but bemoaned my damn hurt thumb and elbow, and he found a way to accommodate me, supporting my weight. Oh god, it was heaven to be able to be on top again! We then headed back to his house for better internet and had showers, a great breakfast, and a few hours of WoW. In shorter terms.. It was an amazing date.
So, on the heels of all of this.. we had lunch with his other gal so the two of us could finally meet. In general I love my metamors (partner’s partners). She’s lovely, very nice, sweet and smart. She’s really cute but not so cute I was like “why’s he with me?”. They seemed to have a nice rapport. It was a nice lunch with nice people. I was feeling VERY secure about Traveler and I after our amazing date and actually felt sensitive to how hard it must have been for his other gal to come have lunch with us, knowing we’d had all of the previous evening and morning together. I wasn’t nervous until right before she showed up, and tried to make her feel at ease when I saw she was nervous too.
The lunch went overall well…. except..
She made these little statements. One was midway through when Traveler and I were talking about how funny we were to have rushed to his house to play WoW. She laughed quickly and said “I told him that I wasn’t interested in playing that game. (Traveler) and I don’t have time for stuff like games on OUR dates. He knows how I am and that I will just attack him immediately. We have this sexual magnetism and we are just too busy for games”.
Eh.. she was nervous too.
I interrupted another comment and said “alright now” and laughed. I am aware that they have sex and have talked about things with Traveler. I didn’t need to hear her gush on and on about their sex life. The lunch ended well and they planned to go shopping for some body jewelry for her nipple piercings. We went back to his place and while she went to the bathroom I said goodbye to him and he kissed me warmly, thanking me for the amazing date. It really had been amazing. So it was a little surprising when I got in my vehicle and got almost to the bridge before I burst into tears. I cried most of the way north of the city and sat in a parking lot for a bit.
So, what was this about? I had had a tremendous date with him. We’d really connected and had fun. What was my problem?
She lives closer and is more friendly with his wife. She’s has piercings like him and like he likes. I wanted them but I don’t want to copy and be like all of his lovers so I didn’t get them. If I got them after her I felt like it’d be me joining the crowd. They have all that magnetism. She is happier to set up short little dates and doesn’t ask for overnights and other stuff. She’s more out-going. My mind whispered.. she is better.
I told Great Date about this, getting his view. He immediately got it. It’s that little thing in me.. that wounded little part that always says “they are better”. I hate it, but it ‘s true. There is a dark little center I’ve dealt with this a hundred ways and still find more. A tiny dark deep little place in me tells me that I’m not good enough, and that all the people that love me don’t really love me, and that I should fear the day they figure it out, and they will. I laugh too loud and my body is flawed. I’m too short and loud and too much. I am too sexual and too emotional. I’m not pretty enough or funny enough or sexy enough or just.. enough. I am way too much and never ever enough.
Don’t you just hate fucking insecurity?!?!?!? I spent some time pulling all of this apart. I got scared because I do actually care. I got scared because I feel a little vulnerable and I had to look at it and my mind did what it does then.. it told me all the reasons I should be insecure and afraid and all of the things that are wrong with me.. that prove I have a reason to be scared. It doesn’t hold up to the light of day.. but there it was.
I like him and he likes me. We have fun and we have great sexual chemistry. I like our relationship and he does too. He told me so just last weekend. He told me that he cares about me and god help me I did not say it back. There is nothing wrong with us and his other gal’s comment doesn’t make something wrong magically appear or something good disappear.
I’m glad his gal is so lovely and that they are having a good relationship. Oh yeah! I actually like Traveler and want that for him. It’s okay if his wife is sexy and fun and his gal is great. Perspective.