I’m writing about a tidal wave of sexiness. I don’t know if this will be sexy or thoughtful or both. I’m tired of writing it and deleting it, so I am trying to do a straight-through kinda thing. I’m going to talk about people I am currently sexy with and people I’d like to be sexy with and things I’d like to have in my sexy time. I’m trying not to censor.
See.. some of this new sexiness involves Great Date, who reads the blog. And it involves Traveler, who never reads the blog but knows it exists. And it involves a recently met friend who blogs, and her blog-bed-mate, and a lovely Mystery Girl. God damn you complications of blogging! Anyway, if it upsets the apple cart or scares off an interest.. so be it. If authentically sharing some of my naughty thoughts would make a person not want to have much to do with me.. well.. that’s good information to glean.
I think sometimes polyamory and casual sex have a tumultuous relationship. There are those that argue wanting casual sex or sex without love makes one “not poly”. I see the point if we are talking about ONLY wanting loveless sex. I make the point that person can be poly AND a swinger or poly AND like casual sex. This is generally not received well, which is so odd.
Polyamorous people are really sex positive. There is endless discussion about gender neutrality and inclusion and bias and such like that in poly circles. It’s important stuff and I’m glad we talk about it. I kinda wish we could find a way to talk about it in a less rabid mouth-frothy way that left more room for actually teaching people rather than shaming them, but I digress.
Being polyamorous is not an excuse to think the world is your oyster, and to chase every connection no matter how trivial with utter disregard for anyone but oneself. I think that people have a responsibility to their existing partners. I get that poly people tend to be autonomous, and I support that, but I do think you can take that too far. I guess I’d recommend a balanced approach between thinking of oneself as less than others and not important or the only thing that matters. I think I can matter and you can matter too. To me poly people need to take GREATER care of how they affect others.. not less.
I would **with my partners’ blessings and support** like to explore. I’ve been just…roiling lately.
I’m a happy girl sexually. I’m a very happy girl. I am loved and held and kissed and touched. I am cradled and treasured and fucked. I am encouraged and supported, reassured and lusted. I am deeply deeply blessed and I know it. Traveler and I, and our sort of undefinable relationship, are good. It’s.. well…dammit.. wanting to censor… no.. will not…it’s hot. It’s touching and kissing and writhing. It’s passionate and fucking awesome. Let’s leave it at that.
Great Date is a god-damned sexual volcano! It’s not hyperbole to say that he rocks my world. I am dizzy sometimes having sex with him.. literally. He has a wonderful big fat cock. It’s thick and long and just fucking lovely.. and thick. But that’s not the best part of sex with him. Ohh.. fuck it’s awesome. The way we fit together is just.. magic. It’s his passion. It’s his talented pianist’s hands. His kisses. It’s his growliness and his throaty deep voice. It’s the way he tells me “I’m going to take you home and fuck you so hard” when we are standing in a grocery store, and then he does. It’s our connection. It’s that I can tell him ANYTHING. I hope you know how amazing it is to be with someone that you can say the smuttiest, dirtiest, deepest, most secret thing about your sexuality and have then totally accept it, whether they share it or not. He does not share all my kinks, but he accepts every one.
And one of those little quirks is my love of variety, of attraction and flirting and play. Of dreaming about passionate things I’d like to try and stuff that catches my fancy. We recently began to have more conversation with and about the lovely Mystery Girl. She’s a drop dead sexy fellow blogger we both really respect and like. I’m not sure exactly how it started, but we talk about every damn thing, Great Date and I, so it just came up that we both found her really really foxy. I think maybe they started chatting and he introduced us on Facebook because I like her blog so much. Um.. how to say this.. uh.. she’s a regulation hottie!!! I perved out on her Facebook photos.. loving her gorgeous smile, beautiful shining eyes, cascading hair and lovely little figure. I got a little gushy to Great Date.. talking about how lovely she is and my cute little crush.
He admitted he found her lovely too. The two of them chatted a bit and maybe flirted a little. I was excited for him and all compersive. And she and I chatted too.. and god.. she’s just lovely. I developed more crush. Nobody promises anything and really nobody expects anything.. but what an amazingly fun thing it is to think of exploring the possibilities.. if she were so inclined. When she said something like.. “maybe” to Great Date recently.. talking about me.. I was jazzed for hours. “She said maybe!!” I love having a crush. It’s so much fun and kinda rare for me. To be clear.. I have no idea if there would be any chemistry in real life, or even if there were.. with me.. with her..with Great Date, with all three.. I don’t really know all the possibilities, and that’s delicious. I’m pretty okay with whatever it is.. friendship with a cutie, a flirtation, a fun make out, an enticing possibility… I’m good. I told her about my smooch test (my practice of kissing an interest as soon as possible to gauge) and she said she’d like that when we meet next month. She uses a sniff test. Oh man.. she’s okay with a smooch test. A SMOOCH TEST!!! 😀
So, on to my naughty fellow blogger and her fella. Well, it’s actually quite similar and not. They aren’t poly. There is some attraction between us, (which is honestly flatteringly shocking to me because they are young and HOT) but again I have no idea if it’s really anything or even what it could be. It would clearly be casual and fun. It would be friends and sexy times at most or all kinds of friends and/or play before that. I think Great Date would like her, but I don’t know as much what her type is to know if they’d be compatable, and hey.. I could be wrong about Great Date liking her too. It would lead to some interesting possibilities too if it panned out. Again.. no expectations, no promises. But oh.. this couple!
So.. to my current state of arousal.
I am in love with Hubby. I am in love and lust with Great Date. I am in lust and ? with Traveler. And.. I find myself pondering other possibilities. I’m not hurting for anything.. but yeah.. interest is there. I’d love to kiss a lovely girl, feel her mouth, her skin, her curves, her soft hair. I’d love to passionately and slowly explore a woman’s body. I would love to fuck her till she is sweaty and shakes. I want to taste her. I want to be covered in her scent. I want to feel her squeezing my hand.
I would love to share a woman with Great Date. I would love every aspect of that. I would love to watch and participate.. love to have that experience with him and a lovely girl. I would love to watch her face as he slides into her when she is over ready from me making her cum, and we have played with her and him and me. We have explored. I can already picture her eyes and the way her face relaxes. I love that about threesomes. The passion and compersion- the incredible feeling of three. It’s weird, but I’ve almost never been sexually jealous in a threesome. I just feel so.. lucky.
Sadly I have had some bad threesomes too. I have had threesomes where the other girl was doing it just to make him happy, where there were lots of rules because of insecurity and where the woman wasn’t bi. I have had a lover not be honest about what they expected or their boundaries. I’ve had people be surprised by something and not able to talk about it or process it well. I’m not stupid. This is dangerous to act on if you don’t have very good communication and clear understanding. Oh, but I find myself enticed.
And all this sexy talk.. well it’s got me roiling. I didn’t want casual sex when I started all this. I still don’t want only casual sex. I like respect. I like love. I like connection and interest and passion. But I’m thinking maybe.. maybe it’d be fun to explore things outside of serious partnerships and relationships too. Maybe there can be real and meaningful connections that aren’t necessarily regular partners. Maybe I would like respectful casual connections too. Maybe I’m still throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Years ago I became a committed monogamous girl and gave up my casual ways so I could find love. As a poly girl I’ve been focusing on love too. I still think love is a really good thing to focus on. It is still where my heart lays. (ha ha)
But maybe you really can have both. Maybe if you are honest and respectful.. if you are responsible to your existing connections and honest about your desires.. maybe it’s okay to explore. Maybe it’s okay to think about all those little fantasies. Swinging and swapping, aching and passion. Flirtation. Fresh kisses. Grabbing her hair and telling him to fuck me.. fuck me now. Public sex and spanking, needles and floggers, painting something intricate on her flesh, playing with a cock ring…bondage, wax, toys, group sex, whispering and dirty talk… mmmmm….
It’s my little slut girl manifesto. I like feeling this way. I’m not saying I’d act on everything, and clearly I’d be very safe if I did. But I am saying I’m interested and it’s fun to be interested. I’ve spent 3 days wet. I’ve had extra energy and sexy dreams. I’ve been giddy and pervy, cute and naughty and creative. I’ve been running over with sexual energy and having amazing conversations and fantasies. I like this energy. I like my body this way. I like this aspect of me.. so often maligned.. so often told to BEHAVE and allowed to roam the jungle under strict lock and key. Of course there are limits on my actions, but there are not limits on my desires and on my imagining. There is nothing wrong with wanting.. with letting my mind run wild. I can imagine some lovely lovely lovely things. I think I want to be open sexually too. I think I want to keep and love and apppreciate what I have and maybe.. just maybe.. every now and then.. I’d like to let the creature out.