I have put my trolling on Adult Friend Finder on hold, but I still wanna write the post about it. I’m gonna talk about the fun, the ick, and the “what the hell?!?”, and I’ll try not to drool too much. I will talk about who I was attracted to and why.. in the end, why I didn’t seem to want to fuck them.
So, a short while ago Great Date and I had one of our awesome discussions about everything and nothing and decided to start playing a little, solo and together. I got the go ahead from Hubby and let Traveler know. Great Date is in his wonderful new home and has a little free time, and I’m not dating more than him and Traveler, so we figured a little fun here and there might be nice. I have some bucket list items I’d like to try but I don’t really want to add any full partners right now because I’d also like time for friendships and classes and working out, and well.. stuff other than dating. Perfect. A nice low intensity thing here and there.
I slapped up my Adult Friend Finder (AFF) ad sometime early last week. I didn’t have time to finish it, so it had a picture of my ass (my profile pic) and the basic stats about me (age, height, etc). My info paragraph was the following sentence “blah blah blah.. I need 21 more characters to list this thing”. I received over a 100 emails, and another upper 300 “hotlists”. I finally finished my profile with a paragraph about what I was looking for a day or two later. Last week I sorted through 431 contacts (chats and emails) that have accumulated over the week. I was able to address a number of chats and messages throughout the week, but I fell behind and this was my accumulation. I don’t know the total contacts for the week numbers, but I’d estimate at something like 600. Now, some of them were repeats, or guys that both hotlisted and emailed me, cutting the unique number down to say.. 350.
I automatically eliminated people way out of my age range, which is 25-45 for casual fun. Then I started cutting madly for things like red hair on a man (which I detest), extreme height weight disproportion, lives too far away, and other assorted things. I then started reading messages. If they had no picture and no info or seemed to be a sneaky cheater…. they got the ax.
A couple of guys were weirdly insistent or pushy (sending more than 3-4 attempts, getting pissy if I didn’t respond in the same day), and I axed them too. If the person’s writing was difficult to decipher.. ax. If they sent one word “Hey” or “Hi” I deleted them. My finished paragraph intro specifically said I’d delete one word messages.
So basically.. I narrowed this down to maybe.. mmm.. 15-20 dudes. I only had two ladies send messages and neither was my type. I sent messages back to these dudes, sending more pics, responding to their messages and/or asking questions about what they were into and such. We messaged back and forth a bit and I had maybe 8 real potentials and maybe 2-3 I would meet for coffee or whatever to see about scheduling sexy fun times.
I had some good candidates. There was crazy good looking but vain dude with great interests, cool tattooed guy with very similar desires, and kinky guy who writes great stories. Any one of them would be a great choice for a fling. So.. what’s with the sudden hesistation to leap there, horny and free SeattlePolyChick?
I have had a mountain of compersion in all of this. It’s weird, but I have mostly been rooting for Great Date to succeed and find and enjoy whatever he wants to. I like the idea of him being happy and me being able to support that and enjoy his happiness. The suddenly it was real. He had a coffee meeting with her *tonight*. She just sent him a really dirty text while he and I were talking. I asked him to hold on a minute before he said what the text was. Would I be okay with that?! Ack! What if it is something really amazing I don’t do? Gulp. What if it’s something I can’t do? I want that for him, right? Well.. yeah.. but what if.. what if.. what if she’s just BETTER. It was only a minute or two and I quickly calmed reasoning it out. Even if she was amazeballs better in bed than me, that’s not all I am to Great Date. I’ve been more and more secure about our relationship lately. I know it’s real. I honestly believe we are creating something deep and real and abiding.
I told him to go ahead and read the text. Of course by then I’d scared him and he didn’t want to tell me. I want totally honest and open communication and I LIKE being able to talk to him about this stuff more and more. It’s a huge and wonderful thing to have him not just tolerate this facet of me, but to cherish it. I just needed a minute.
He had decided before we talked not to go on the coffee date. Turns out, he was hesitant too.
What the hell? Maybe it was too fast, or maybe we both just need to be sure, or maybe it’s not okay really and we’ll find a new compromise we can be happy with too. Maybe it’s just a pause and maybe we’ll talk later and find out it’s not big deal and go ahead. I don’t know. I know right now it’s on hold and I really don’t care. I am not itching to pull the trigger. I’m afraid to make it less special. I don’t want to do anything that could hurt this amazing thing we’ve got going. It’s really real and I really love him.
Then I thought of the things I am eager to pull the trigger on. How much I looked forward to having dinner with Naughty Blogger Girl and Guy and Great Date and how much I’d like to meet Mystery Girl (the fellow blogger we’ve been chatting with.. not the girl above). I am utterly happy to be friends with these people, but if I’m honest I’d like to fuck them with Great Date until they can’t breathe. I am less sure of course of Mystery Girl of course, who I only know online.
I think I’m more eager to pull the trigger on these things because they are WITH Great Date. I want to adventure with him. The idea of being with him, watching him enjoy a beautiful woman and the pleasure he gives her, while I enjoy her partner, or enjoying a woman with him.. oh my.
I love that he was concerned about all of this too. I love that he wants to talk more and that our relationship means as much to him as it does to me. It makes me love and trust him all the more. Penises ARE pretty great, and yes, every guy has one (except for all those guys without penises..relax Politically Correct Seattle Poly People), but I’m pretty excited at the MAN on the end of my favorite penis. Thank God he wants to talk too. Whew!