I was talking to Traveler about all of this casual sex and polyamory stuff, and my ambivalence about it. He had a great analogy and Great Date and I expanded on it.
So, my current situation is like this. My relationships and my sex life are like a person with a lovely home. It’s a great home. It’s satisfying and pleasing. It has plenty of room and lots of spaces and interesting architectural details. It’s wonderful and I’m very happy in it. It totally meets my needs for a home and I can’t imagine wanting to move. The way I feel about casual sex is that it’s like finishing the basement and adding a TV room or craft room down there. It’s an addition to my lovely home. I don’t NEED a TV room or a craft room, but it might make living in my lovely home just even more fun.
I want to take care in how I build this additional room though. I love my house and don’t want to damage it or wreck it, so I plan carefully. I don’t want to finish my basement and lose my house. Once I’ve thought about it and planned carefully, I’ll probably add that room when I have the time and resources to do so and a good idea comes to me.
Great Date is looking to finish his basement, or maybe to add an addition. He has more time and space for expanding his house, so he might actually date someone. He might put on an addition with another room and bathroom or a formal dining room or whatever. He might make his house bigger. He loves his current house, but yeah.. he could use a little more house or just a nice extra, so he’d be open to an addition and or a little extra like a basement finishing or screening in a porch kinda deal, but again, he is not interested in wrecking his current house to do any of this.
Weirdly this analogy really helps me feel clearer about my desires and expectations for casual sex and with Great Date’s seeking too.
And yes.. we’ve dropped the temporary hold. That lasted about as long as it took me to write a blog post. Great Date is looking at both dating and casual relationships and I suppose I’m open to a casual connection. I am still ambivalent. I’ve met a person here or there that I’m interested in but we’ll see. I’m not sure if their interest is equal or if there is an appropriate casual connection. I don’t want another boyfriend, but I don’t want a one-night stand either. I want to keep devoting time and energy to my existing connections but I am interested in playing here and there. There are some specific interests I am not exactly actively seeking but am open to.
So yeah.. I’m very satisfied with my house, but I wouldn’t resist a fun extra like that craft room in my basement or a workshop out back. I do like my diversions. We’ll see. We’ll see. 🙂