A little reprieve

Turns out Hubby is taking action. Halleluiah!

He dug into the workbook  for managing and expressing emotion. He is calling and arranging stuff with friends. He’s even decided he is poly, Roller Girl or no. I can’t tell you how relieved this will make me if this is true.

He’s been thinking of things the counselor said, ever since last week when she said them.

I feel reluctant to totally relax yet because after all we’ve had a lot of false starts, but I have to admit it was nice to spend today with Hubby being a normal well adjusted human being. We talked like normal people, like we used to. He met me this afternoon and we had a nice walk, a cupcake and a coffee. We talked about good stuff.. vacations we’d like to take, places we’d like to go, stuff we’d like to do. We talked about the realm of possibility with our relationships and cute stuff our pets do. He and I just kinda relaxed and laughed. I told him how much I was enjoying this.. just enjoying him and a little normalcy and being us.  He seemed happy, even though Roller Girl is going through things and even though it’s really unclear to him if she will stay or go, be with him or not, and what all of her processing and thinking are coming to. It was like he turned a corner. I’m not so stupid that I don’t know it can unravel at any time, but for now, for today.. it was good.  It was a really welcome reprieve.

Great Date and I had our..you know.. great date.. sort of. Of course we ate and snuggled and fucked. We talked and just.. had lovely times. I won’t lie though. I’m scared.

On a recent date he had a breach of something he’s been working on… After everything…

I didn’t say much. I was afraid to say much. I let him talk. He came himself to the idea that he needs to try some things and that willpower alone won’t do it, and he outlined a plan. I hope he follows it, because it’s a good plan. I don’t know. If don’t know if he can do it or if he will. I don’t know if he’ll follow through or balk or make excuses or work it out. All I can say is that I sincerely hope he does. I see such amazing things and such a possible good future. What we have really is special, and yes.. I know.. that sounds like an after school special.

It’s not great to realize that I can’t do much in either situation with Great Date or Hubby. They will work or not work on their own stuff and there is nothing I can add to their effort at this time. I have to let go and trust them. Maybe if I stay out of it and offer whatever support they ASK for.  Maybe if I just let them do their thing. My days of trying to fix it are done. I can’t do it anyway and I’ll mess it up if I try.

So, I’m taking a break. I’m getting a little reprieve.

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