OKC 10

I’m gonna rant a little about some bitches on OK Cupid.

online dating

Recently my gorgeous Hubby and my sexy boyfriend Great Date have been reeling from a bit of the ol’ dating scene, and I gotta say.. I have a bone to pick with the phenomenon I’ll call the “OKC 10”. I’ll explain in a sec.  See, both of these men are pretty amazing.   Women who meet these men generally  find them attractive.  They have no shortage of possible ladies.  Great Date alone had like two women wanting to give him a go this month (sadly they were not a good fit).

Now the OKC 10 Phenomenon:

monistatIn general it’s just a fact that men online have to spend a lot more energy pursuing connections, sending messages and doing the heavy lifting of dating.  Women are bombarded with male offers.  Most of these offers are not good prospects though.  Many are one-word or one-sentence messages that are easy to discard because they smack of guys spamming every woman just to see what sticks.  It happens on pretty much all of the sites.  Then women get the occasional actual message by a man who read her profile and takes the time to comment.

I have zero qualms with deleting guys who express no genuine interest or are rude.   When a man takes the time to write an actual message and express  a real interest though I always try to answer.   I’m not interested in every message and not every person is a good fit, so I try to be honest and clear and kind.  If it’s a no-go, I usually send something back, thanking them for their time and interest and saying that I am sorry but I don’t see us being a good fit or that I’m not interested and wishing them well.  It’s hard for me.  I hate saying stuff people don’t like, but I’ve worked on it and gotten better because it’s an important skill to have in life.

I wish this girl Hubby wrote to knew that skill.  He wrote a nice message, expressing an interest in her screen name and mentioning a funny thing from her profile, and she wrote him back.  She said “I don’t want to date you because you’re not attractive.  You likely wouldn’t be attracted to me either since your question/answers indicate that you like overweight women and I am not overweight”.  Um.. what the hell?  You’re not attractive.  Wow?  She couldn’t just say she wasn’t interested?  Or at the very least that SHE didn’t think he was attractive.  She had to say he just ISN’T attractive?  And why would him being okay with overweight women necessarily mean that he wouldn’t also like women who weren’t overweight?  He didn’t say he hated fit girls.  He was penalized for not being shallow?  Wow.

To a similar message, a girl wrote “I think you are very unattractive, especially your head”.  Wow.  All sorts of ass-hattery there.  Then there are women that set up dates and flake at the last minute or just don’t show.  There are women that are super interested, writing and calling and talking and then just.. disappearing without a trace.  It’s okay to change your mind, but really… not a word?

vain 2 Were these women raised by wolves?  No.. wolves would actually give a crap about how they effect others.  They’re pack animals.

I’ll admit when I was a young girl I thought boys didn’t have feelings, or at least not like us girls.  I believed the hype that men don’t cry and that all guys want is to get laid.  Oh, my poor early boyfriends.  Luckily I had a brother and male friends and I figured out men are human.  They do actually feel.  Gasp!  Yes.  Men are people!

So this kind of treatment to men who simply expressed a desire to date you on a public dating site is odd to me.  Then I formed my OKC10 theory.

See, back when I was in the Army I experienced the Korean 10.  This is the tendency for otherwise normal women to become ridiculously desirable to heterosexual male soldiers stationed in Korea.  There is a huge disparity in numbers of male to female soldiers stationed in Korea.  This means that the dating pool of American women who are stationed for a year in Korea is small.  So, if you are a new female or in the slightest way attractive, you move from your customary 5, 6, or 7 on the scale of attractiveness to a 9 or a 10.

vain 3Everywhere I went in Korea men were offering me dinners, tours, foot massages.  (There was an article in Maxim that month on seducing a woman via foot massage).  Even at 6 am, in ugly grey Army exercise gear and wearing no make-up, red faced and sweaty, men would go to lengths to talk to me and ask me out.  Men offered to carry my food tray, fetch me more coffee, take me anywhere.  I was suddenly  a very pretty girl.  Don’t get me wrong.  I get offers.  I get good offers.  I do well with the men and okay with the ladies.  I am reasonably attractive and somewhat sexy, but in Korea.. oh my.  I was a hot stuff.  I was suddenly a 9.

Sometimes this kind of attention can go to a gal’s head.  I think the women my good men are encountering are OKC10.  I think some women are letting this attention go to their head.  They are thinking they are super hot stuff because they get sooooo much male attention.  They think they can say anything and that they are worth more than these men because men are disposable to them and they feel like they can easily have so many men.  This is foolish.

I have impeccable taste in men.  I just do.  I’m a lucky girl.  I’m involved with three of the most lovely, unique, wonderful, fulfilling men out there.  I feel bad for the women that are overlooking men because they won’t keep chasing women who are pulling shenanigans.  I feel bad for those ladies who end up with douchey guys who always have 20 irons in the fire because these are the only men that will keep chasing.    It’s tragic that some women are just too caught up in themselves to be nice because this kind of distorted feeling of one’s own worth will shine through in other interactions and these women just aren’t good enough for my men.  Almost every girl I know is looking for fun and friendship, great sex and good companionship, and a quality man of substance.  Girls, they’re out there.. stop being flakes and show up for dates.  Be honest about what time you have available and what you want and don’t be flighty.  And for God’s sake.. have the slightest bit of decency, at least enough not to totally disregard other humans, and you just might find it.  Water seeks its own level.  You better check that falsely inflated attitude.  Don’t get so mighty on yourself, you’re only a 10 in bits and bytes.  This is life.

vain 4


  1. Pingback: What ever happened to the Geek 10? | rarasaur

  2. Having spent a lot of time on OKC with a little (very little) success, I’ve experienced a lot of what you’re talking about. I’ve never had the blatant asshattery of someone telling me I wasn’t attractive, but I had a run of seven meets in a row where I was stood up. I’ve had people write amazing correspondence for a message or two and then vanish off the face of the earth. I’ve had people delete their profiles in the middle of a conversation.

    One girl spent the entire time we were talking commenting on how she was absolutely sure I was gay, despite the fact that I was messaging her on OKC with supposed romantic intent.

    By the way, the Korean 10 phenomenon you described also happens in the expatriate community here in Germany, as I imagine it does in any group setting with a lot of single guys.

    Great post!


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