I got to a mental space earlier this week where I just felt like I needed to throw in the towel and move out. I wanted to give up, not because Hubby isn’t trying. I actually think he is. It was just that it’s slow work and honestly I can’t physically take being around him sometimes. He brings so much tension in the house on a regular basis. His incomprehensible behavior baffles me. I never know what I’m coming home to and I’m physically feeling it. I need a secret hideout.
I’ve had 3 migraines in the last 2 weeks or so, horrible neck and shoulder pain, indigestion, and I’ve been sleeping horribly.. having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep and having nightmares. I physically feel all of this stress and tension. So, I told him I wanted to separate and then after talking decided I’d just move into the spare room, which would have been a good first step anyway. The thing is I NEED escape somehow but I don’t really want to move out. Moving into the spare room was killing me. It felt like a nail in a coffin. It felt so.. like giving up. He seemed to react that way too.
Happily I have an alternative.
It’s another play space!
So, having another play space will mean that I can escape and stay there any time I need to. It also makes it easier to schedule with Traveler because it’s often hard to get either his house or mine and we have to plan around people’s schedules or get hotel rooms and well.. this will be a quiet comfortable place that is mine. He’s willing to kick in, and this means I can again afford one.
I LOVE this idea.
B) If things really do go south I can have a place to go to in order to sort things out or escape more long term.
C) I can have a nice comfy place for dates with Traveler or (god forbid) a lovely girl I would date
D) It is not the “well, fuck it” of moving out but give me the same release and escape I need.
Please please please let’s work this damn thing out.
Until then.. play space!