Lovely Day Anyway

One of the benefits of poly to me is weathering things with those you love. And the surprising thing is who these people are.
I hate the beginning of a break up, all those realizations…”We would have been on Cannon Beach right now”, or “what do I do with my WoW character” or “oh man.. I will never hold him again and never be in that place so perfectly meant for me”. It’s a series of little punches.
I try to stay busy and use my sudden free time to be healthy. I work out and catch up on chores. I make plans.
I went today to spend the day with Traveler while his wife was at work, helping in his yard and enjoying the sun. I am sad. It feels like a blanket I don’t want, but I enjoyed the day anyway. After the work, all tired and sweaty and feeling good for our labor and the progress we made, we pulled off our socks and shoes and basked in the breeze on the porch. He reached for my hand and held it, telling me that he loved me.
When we were cooled off and hydrated we went inside and he held me, just understanding I needed that affection and showering me with it, even pulling out the almond oil and giving me a massage. He’s been loving through this. He’s been giving me what I need. The other night he confided his own stuff in me and then held me down and fucked me and then petted me all over telling me again how he loved me. It doesn’t replace Great Date, and won’t, but it’s a treasured comfort to love and be loved.

sunny yardHubby has talked to me more lately, and seems to be trying. He screwed up a little yesterday, communicating poorly with me and Rollergirl, and she and I supported each other with our whirring minds. He came home at 2 am and the tizzy he created by doing that when it was supposed to be coffee would have been vastly worse if Rollergirl and I hadn’t supported each other. It was kinda awesome to bond with her in this..Hubby’s partners looking out for him.
Even PolyV, Great Dates new gal, was supportive. I texted her to say I’d broken up with Great Date and asked her to check on him later. She expressed sadness because she’d really liked me, and I liked her.. And after texting a while we agreed to be friends. I will stay back for now, acquiescing deciding when to be in contact to Great Date and not wanting to horn in on his girl.
Even peaches gave Traveler some cookies for me, and they were delicious.

I’m not alone though I feel a little lonely. It’s going to take a while to heal the Great Date shaped hole. Still I’m a little melancholy and a lot grateful for my loves.

2 Comments

    • I hadn’t thought about the losses which of course come with polyamory. The truth is that MOST relationships don’t last and opening your life and heart to more than one person will mean more losses. There are more gains too though. I knew or thought that there’d be more sex and more dates or love. I was not aware of how much of that love would come from my partner’s partners and the friends I would make by being exposed to these multiple worlds and social circles and hobbies. I was also not aware of how much I would love the extras that come from living open.. the learning new perspectives intimately and exploring passions and interests I’d never even thought of. Our loves open us up and bring things to our lives, and with more loves comes more of that, more of all it. More loss and more dealing with feelings, more risk and more need to be whole and mature and able to communicate, but also more love and more kisses and more support and more shoulders and more cookies when you are sad and more people to talk to and just.. more. I’m glad you liked it. Thank you so much for commenting. I love comments. 🙂

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