In my post two days ago (Thursday) I told you Great Date demanded that I no longer write about him. He suggested that I should do with my blog what he is going to do about his. He said he is “pretty much done with blogging about my personal life anyway. There are enough general poly topics and single living topics to fill a book:) ).”
He became upset when I said I wanted to think about it for a day, and asked “does this need to be such a struggle? Do you really need to agonize this much about your ex-boyfriend, who you want to stay on good terms with, asking you to respect his privacy? I’m just sort of blown away. If you asked me, I would do it without hesitation since it’s YOUR life”
I told him I thought I’d honor his request and at the time, but I wanted to think about it. He said “I’m just going to turn off my blog, so that’s easy”. That made me sad and it was unnecessary, and he said it was mainly to protect my privacy. I told him I didn’t care and HE did. I got tired of fighting about it and reluctantly agreed not to write about him or include him in my posts.
Now, two days later he posts:
“This is my private life…”
In which our hero discusses the perils of blog exhibitionism, and makes a few resolutions…
Well, after the breakup with Biker Chick, I’ve realized that I’m not really okay with sharing other people’s personal details on my blog. This mostly comes from the fact that she is sharing my personal info, and I’m really not okay with that.
Poly V says that I should have known better when I started dating a blogger; by doing that I sort of gave tacit permission for my life to be public. I don’t know that that’s true. How could I have known?
So, I’m just not going to blog about super personal details about other people. Absolutely no “real world identifiable” information will be allowed. I don’t want fame and fortune, and I definitely don’t want to piss people off or hurt them. I just want to talk about my adventures with relationships, polyamory, and casual sex/FWB.
Sigh. I don’t care if he writes about me. I consented long ago just as he did to me. I know those of you who read both blogs have brains and can discern whatever you’d like from our posts. So, I commented the following:
I don’t mind if you write about me. I gave you consent to write about me at the same time you gave me yours. I know that your blog is your view of events and I think most people know that about our blogs. They are subject to how we see things. You can delete blogs that don’t suit you after you’d said things or leave them all up, like I do. You can edit them or even control this comment.
It’s true you were the person who encouraged me to have my blog when I expressed an interest in yours, and I’ve written it since just after our second date. It’s odd that you would like and support and comment on my posts about you for nice months, only to become upset when I say in my blog that you have a drinking problem and you lied to me about it and your activity on dates with drinking (both things you’ve blogged about yourself). I didn’t list your character defects or complain about any of the things that displeased me about you or being with you. You wrote nasty blogs about me, and deleted them after they were widely seen as if that makes them okay. And then you demanded that I never write about you again. You were vehement and upset and kept losing your temper, so I reluctantly agreed. And then you wrote a post about me the next day and talked about me in another. I think the whole thing is silly drama and I withdraw my consent to not write about you. I’ll write whatever I like, just as you do.
I don’t suspect that Great Date will be a big topic here, because honestly he’s making it almost impossible to keep him in my life, posting nasty blogs about me and repeatedly unfavorably comparing me to others and then demanding I stop writing about HIM. The only thing I ever said about him unfavorably was that he had a drinking problem (which he posted about and okay’ed me talking about) and that he lied (he wrote two blogs about it). He also told me he was okay with saying these things publicly. Go ahead and read my old blogs. I never talked about his character flaws or the things I disliked about dating him and you know what.. I’m not going to.
It was painful that a man I thought I loved and that I thought loved me was spiteful. I don’t understand why people are thoughtless after break ups. I don’t compute loving someone one day and purposely hurting them less than a week later. I understand that he’s likely hurting, and I still think a man I loved that much is a good person. His behavior has helped tremendously to let him go and to see I’d made the right choice to end our relationship, as hard as that was, but I still wish it didn’t have to be like that.
So, good news.. I will no longer have to be censored. This will not be an excuse for me to bash him. I don’t even want to. I’m tired and I’ve moved on.
Bad news.. I’m not sure that Great Date and I will be friends for a while, if ever.