Hmm.. good times and angsty little outs…
So, it seems our separation will be official. Hubby and I tried to have a nice day and things just blew up. While playing pool he joked “I can’t seem to find pussy without an hour and a half drive”, referring to the fact that his new girlfriend lives just as far away as RollerGirl. Are you fucking kidding me? Um.. I’m next to him in bed like 3-4 days a week minimum. I got mad and didn’t want to fight, so I said I would be right back. I went to the bathroom and took some breaths and came back and HE was pissed and would not talk to me. I find his behavior just totally bizarre. I got pretty mad. Why is he doing this!?!?!
He said he needed space, so I gave it to him. I did the laundry and cleaned upstairs and played on my computer. He slept on the couch and in the morning was still mad at me. I was really over fighting, so I packed a few outfits, cleaned up a bit, and then I took off to the playspace as planned.
This morning I learned RollerGirl had broken up with him, or scheduled a break of some kind. I don’t have all the details, but yeah.. he blames me and is insanely pissed at me. It’s like acid on a fire. I’m surprised he CAN be more angry than he previously was, but he found a way. He stated specifically that he blames me. I highly doubt he and RollerGirl will actually break up, and even if they did, I’m not owning that.
Ugh. I decided this weekend that a separation is the minimum required and this just feels like more proof. I get that he’s going through something, I really do. I just can’t do it any more. I can’t be his punching bag or go through ONE MORE cycle. His latest thing is that he was nice for like a month and now claims he wasn’t really that bad and that his badness was “through winter” and that he’s been cool for months. Ha. Again, I’m not sure what it would take to trust him again, but denying his behavior ain’t it.
I had a nice day yesterday after I left. Nobody was carping at me. It was peaceful. I enjoyed the solace of my playspace and met Traveler and his wife. I played games for a little while with them, not talking about anything.. just enjoying their company. Traveler remarked on my straightened hair and my pretty high heels, and I realized I never get gussied up for him anymore and resolve to do better.
I then picked up Cleveland and we went to dinner and PolyStrip. We were doing a proper date/date. Cleveland of course was just cool. We had a delicious dinner and some good talking and canoodling. It’s fun getting to know him. We showed up at the spot early and had time to interact and kibitz before the dancers came on. I saw ForensicGuy and was able to bury the hatchet and chatted with other friends too. I don’t like having discord with people, so it was nice to make peace.
The show.. oh my God, it was great! It was crazy good fun! I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed it. Petting Cleveland and looking at really hot boobies was *not* a bad thing. We didn’t “knock boots” and I thought it was a really fulfilling date. Now having said that, we did get to make out a little and I reveled in that good chemistry. Man, he turns me on!
On an interesting side note.. a surprising person expressed an interest and I was surprisingly interested. I’m pretty sure it would be a totally casual intermittent FWB kind of thing. We’ll see.. we’ll see.