I was talking to an old friend yesterday. He recently had a problem where a 20 year old girl he was “dating” turned out to be very unsavory. He’s in his 40’s. She’s hot. He was surprised she was a train wreck.
I’ll admit there are some very young very hot girls who want relationships or friends with benefits with middle aged men, but honestly.. they’re usually very damaged. There are exceptions of course, but they are usually for men who are very very rich or look like Matthew McConaughey and that most normal 20 year old’s don’t date most normal 40’somethings.
When I told him this, he became increasingly upset. He could not or would not see that I was not saying he is poor or not good looking. He was incensed. I didn’t think I was saying anything particularly hurtful and apologized and tried to explain. The more I tried, the more upset he became. He began insulting me and listing my flaws, defending himself. I held it together for a while and then lost my temper. I called him an infant. He has a habit of being defensive and pushing people out of his life, despite the fact that he’s an intelligent, caring, sweet, funny, kind, good looking guy.
I was concerned for him. This girl was a train wreck of epic proportions. She was a pill/meth/drug addict and was like.. days sober when they met and began “dating”. He knew that she’d done crazy things in the past but thought she was good because “She’s sober now”. Um.. sober for days? And she was actually admittedly still smoking pot. She has a twitter account and was posting shit about doing this guy and that guy and doing meth, and around the time my old friend had sex with her, she posted that she was “throwing up cum next to 7-11. I’m so classy”. That was almost exactly at the same time my friend had unprotected sex with her.
“What?” he said, “I couldn’t have known. I asked her if she was regularly screened and was clean. She said she was.” Right. But she’d have sex with a guy she’s known for like a week with no condom? She’s a paragon of sexual safety, as is my friend. Not surprisingly she gave him Chlamydia. (I hope that’s all she gave him). When he finally reached her about it she admitted that she knew and “was going to tell him” but he was an asshole. She insulted him. He was nervous about her because of her crazy twitter and irate phone call and changed the locks on his house.
So with him on day one of antibiotics, I thought it might be a nice time to ask him if it might be wise to rethink this whole dating-20-year-old-women thing. He blinked a lot and seemed sincerely confused. “No. What do you mean? Why would you say that?”. “Um.. because the kind of 20 year old who would date a man of your age isn’t going to be a very quality person, on average”. This one was tweeting all kinds of unsafe and crazy things, gave him clap, lied about her testing, insulted him, and scared him. Really, he’s surprised?
The crazy part is he’s a cool guy. He can actually get really decent women if he raised the bar a little. Instead of hearing me though, he became more and more unreasonable and ended the friendship, convinced I was “twisting the knife”. Sigh.
His girlfriend was trying to tell him the same thing but he just WILL NOT hear it, and he’s a very smart guy. Sigh.
Eh..it’s not always a good idea to be a messenger or hold a mirror to someone. I didn’t take his insults and lashing out to heart and I’m not very upset that he withdrew his friendship, but I am a little flabbergasted and sad. What are you going to do?