Youth and Vitality or Age and Experience?

I’ve been thinking a bit about a conversation I had with a friend the other day. It’s related to the old man/young girl debate we were having. He argued that very very young hot girls would seek out much older middle-aged men like him, if it was just a friends with benefits kind of thing because they liked his skill and experience. It’s not a bad point. Skill and experience are really really good things. I’ve always liked them myself, and I have always dated men older than me.

Here’s the rub though.. these are good to a point. I’ve had a lot of talks with other women about FWB’s, and universally, even us girls at or above 40 are usually not looking for a man in his mid-forties or older as a first choice FWB. Which is kinda silly since many men are wonderful in bed over 40.  I mean, sure, we are looking for a man who knows where a clit is, and has some skills at cunnilingus. We like a man who is confident and who likes to take him time and skillfully play. It’s even better if he is also directable, which he can be at any age. And let’s be clear, I’ve had lovers who meet this bill and are well past 40 or as young as 25. Guys that lost their virginity in their teen years are as skilful at 25 as guys who lost it much later are at 35.

BUT, many of us gals would pick a man at least a little younger than 45 for an FWB, so his assertion is a little false. Why? Well, because by and large younger men have better stamina, better rebound, more sexual interest and more energy. Of course this varies by fitness. Men in their 40’s, in my experience, will often go all night or have those marathon sessions in the first.. month or so. Great Date once went 7 times, and he was over 40. But younger men, say mid 30’s, like Traveler, will keep having these marathons, whereas most (but certainly not all) men in their 40’s quickly cool to the once a night and rarely in the morning. And older men, like Great Date, while skillful and amazing, often only go the once per date, which is certainly satisfying and wonderful (you know how much I’ve gushed about Hubby and Great Date) but sometimes a girl would like a little more ardor and a little less “I’m too tired”.  Again, I’m talking strictly casual there.  Older women understand the value and will still select a man in his 40’s even for an FWB.  My assertion is that normal young women do not.

Again, I feel weird writing this because there are so many exceptions, but I am talking generalities here. I was trying to point out a problem with the logic that lots of 20 year old girls want lots of men in their mid-forties for sex. This is patently false. I mean everybody knows this, but it’s still interesting to parse out why.

A hot young girl might crave an older man for his prowess, but I’m telling you that young girls do not sit around perving on middle-aged men’s sexuality. When the average 20 year old craves experience and skill, they are thinking of men in their late twenties or thirties maybe, on average.  To most women in their early 20’s, the early 40’s are OLD.

I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a woman of experience and had her not bemoan the cruelty of men slowing a little in their 40’s. It’s cruel of nature that women begin to be so orgasmic and sensual and desirous of play about the time that men of our age are cooling. I’m not saying that I want my lovers to have to go 3-5 times a night, or that it’s vital they ejaculate with every single session,or that sex with a skillful man who only goes once is a bad thing. I LOVE a skillful once too.  I’m also wary of saying stuff like this because there are SO MANY exceptions to the rule.

Numbers are only good to a point.  I would never pick higher numbers with an unskilled lover.  I’m saying that skill is not limited to the 40’s.  I’m saying that very young girls wanting skill can find that easily in a younger man.

It’s also true that older men can sometimes make up for less numbers with sexual creativity and things other than their cocks. I think the best thing about a man in his forties sexually is often his amazing passion for and skill at cunnilingus, for example. I am only trying to say, and there is oodles of evidence for this, that MOST very very young girls do not crave men in their 40’s for sex and relationships (and most 40 year old women don’t always crave men in their 40’s for sex only-though many of us do! ).  It’s partly because slightly younger men have similar skills with less of the 40’s “problems” sometimes.

Just musing. Thoughts?

******edit- I did not intend to imply that men in their 40’s are BAD lovers.  FAR from it.  I prefer men in their 30’s and 40’s personally, and I’m 39 years old.  I have only had one lover under 35 in the last decade in fact.  Partially, this is because I like more than just sex most of the time, and partially this is because I love a skilled lover.  I was honestly only wishing to say that the arguement that well adjusted 20 year olds would seek out 40 year olds because of skill was false. ***


  1. If a 20-something started coming on to me, I’d be immediately suspicious about her motives and reasoning; where I come from, young chicks only try to latch on to older men ’cause they’re looking for a sugar daddy to take care of them and they wouldn’t have to fuck him very often – looking for that experienced, passionate older guy rarely, if ever, happened.

    Wow, your generalizations make me feel like I should be 17 again. I almost feel obsolete since I’ve gotten to the age where I’ve forgotten more shit than most people know; over my entire life to date, I’ve been made to hone skills, fine-tune abilities and shit (and I STILL have to have major bedroom skills at my age)… only to know that it doesn’t mean anything because I’d be seen as not being able to hang or something. Jeez, maybe all of us guys over 40 should be shipped off to a deserted island or something.

    If I were supremely confident of my abilities to rock the house, I’d be insulted…


  2. When I was younger I thought any guy over 30 trying to hit on me was “creepy”. I was all about fun and partying and the thought that older men might be more experienced in bed didn’t even occur to me. The guy over 30 hanging out with a bunch of younger people was just an old pervert and to be avoided. Ewwwww….

    My younger sisters that are 22 and 28 still don’t care for much older men, another one is married to a guy her own age, so not sure and I have a sister that is pretty much pure golddigger so she does go for older guys. She’s told me she prefers them to be less attractive so that they think they’ve really won a prize and will spend lots of cash on her. Her whole goal in life as a kid was “marry a rich man” and now she works in Vegas, so….

    Now that I am older myself, I can see more the benefit of an older man, but it still doesn’t have me lusting over 70 somethings….not yet, lmao! I think the vast majority of men (just like women) stop taking care of themselves after a certain age and so they become less attractive but those that are making an effort to stay in shape and look good can be extra hot and fun because with age comes wisdom and experience and SKILL.

    Now that I am older I care a lot more about things like how STABLE a guy is and that wasn’t a concern in my younger years. So the irresponsible, badass thugs were still hot to me whereas now I’m looking at them in disgust. Maybe becoming a mom and having my own set of responsibilities changed my viewpoint drastically as well.

    In any case, now I that I am much more interested specifically in sexual skill, I would say that is really hard to find in a man under 30. Not impossible, my fuck buddy is 29 and can lay it down and I’ve known a couple of others, but for the most part. I just don’t think the majority of women in their 20’s even realize that there is a whole new world opened up as far as orgasmic potential once men get old enough to start GIVING in bed rather than selfishly making it all about them.

    As far as stamina, I think it really depends on the guy. The Prof was 44 and simply AMAZING in bed, though he had a way of acting much older than his age in other ways. He still could usually only go at it once in a night but he was always hard and lasted a long time and knew what to do. I got him to go for a second round once and he said that never happened to him, even when he was younger. In his case I didn’t mind because he did me so well that one time that it didn’t matter.

    He wasn’t attracting 20 year old girls though. I mean they have to be able to get past the age thing before they are going to realize this guy is great in bed. MOST girls probably aren’t going to get to that point where they get to find out.

    Personally, the oldest guy I have been with was the ex cop and he was 48. He was actually quite good in bed, even if he did end up giving me Chlamydia. Damn him! Guess you can’t always count on age necessarily meaning responsibility.

    The Pilot, actually probably would attract younger women because he looks pretty darn young himself even though he’s almost 41. Also, he has a ton of stamina and can go and go and go. The best sex of my life (the married man) was the same age as me (36).

    So I really don’t think age necessarily means anything except maybe better experience and less selfishness for men. MOST young girls though aren’t at the point where they are looking for that and so old guy=weirdo and they aren’t even going to want to sleep with him.

    I get so sick of all the crap I read online from men about how women are all falling apart after age 35 and are no longer sexually attractive. Yet here I am at 36 and I don’t notice any difference in the amount or ages of men that come on to me than I did at 18. So I guess I’m slow to make assumptions about men because it seems unfair to base it all on age. Sure a lot of men go downhill but some age well, like fine wine, as do some of us women.


  3. I’m totally with you.. as a more mature woman I love and appreciate men of a variety of ages. I have always liked men with more skill and experience, which is why I’ve always dated men over 25 or so, and tended more towards the early 30’s. I mean, I didn’t seem middle aged men as a young woman, but I did like them older. It’d be cool to hear young women commenting on this…


  4. Hello!! Was just talking about this myself the other day – from my slightly different perspective. Guys under 25 or so – no appeal at all. Too young, too immature…their unformed selves ares not that interesting and sex is about the brain as well as the body so..not for me. Later 20s and 30s? Nice! Young, energetic, enthusiastic…bodies in nice shape. If they are seeking me out then they like older women and are eager to please, so I say, “yay!”. Guys in their 40’s are my least favorite, but it has nothing to do with sex – it has to do with their life stage. A lot is about career, kids, wives and family. I get it, but have zero interest in it. Too much negotiation for plain old fun – buzz kill. So that brings us to the 50’s. I have had one friends with benefits in the age group and now a steady partner in this age group and I must say…Love it. They are done with family responsibilities so there’s lots of time for me. Relaxing, easy, hot languid sex…They put no pressure on themselves so are able to just go with the flow…nice hard cocks…considerable sexual interest…they know what they like and what they’re good at…I hear ‘ya SPC, but if you are looking for a FWB for sexy sensual fun I say go for the 50’s. If you want to hit it hard, go for the 20’s and 30’s. And if you want to really look at it in a data driven way, have one from every decade! THAT’s fun!!


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