My Answer and Best Wishes

I wrote the following to yet another post by Great Date (in part) about me.  I am not going to his blog, but people email me things he says and tell me what they think.  I am moving on and am not wishing to be enemies or friends to Great Date.  I don’t need emails about his facebook posts or blog posts, but I appreciate all of you looking out for me.  Here is what I commented on his latest “Why are exes never friends with me?” post.  I am friends with all but 3 of my exes.  One was Kinky Boy, who lost his mind.  One was Great Date, who I do not hate or wish ill but no longer wish to associate with, and one knocked me up when I was 15 and dumped me after thinking my pregnancy was “funny”.

I assume if Hubby and I do not work out that we will eventually be friends too, as he is friendly with all but one of his exes too.  In the last week I’ve talked with 3 of my exes and all were cordial and caring conversations.  Hell.. I was hanging out with my ex when I met my current husband.  If you want to be friends with an ex, you figure out a way to bury the hatchet and to let go of the hurts, talk civilly to each other, and let a friendship grow over time.  I had hoped to do this with Great Date too, but for whatever reason it just can’t seem to happen.  So, he wrote a post pondering why his exes aren’t friends, and what “I love you” even means.  I want to keep ignoring it, like I have his other posts, but this one I want to address.  I figured I’d share it here too.  Afterall.. more relationships does mean more exes.  It’s good to keep some things in mind.  I said:

“Wow.  Aren’t you spinning things?  I TRIED to be friends with you.  You purposely tried to hurt me for breaking up with you, and admitted it. You wrote and continue to write nasty blogs about me or take shots at me online.  I contacted you and made plans with you 2 times and you cancelled.  I offered to take you to dinner for your birthday and you agreed and then said you felt weird about it and that it was too soon and you didn’t want to be alone with me.  I respected that and understood.  I stopped by your house to give you a hug when you had a bad day and I was in the neighborhood visiting another friend.  I was trying to encourage you to raise the bar and maybe date more savory people with better life situations after you’d had a bad experience, and you twisted what I was saying and COULD NOT believe I wasn’t trying to insult you.  I did and do apologize that the words I chose hurt you, but stand by my opinion that you are not unattractive or lacking, but you are not a movie star or millionaire and should not consistently expect to date well-adjusted attractive 20-year-olds when you are 43, and you might do better to consider 30’somethings.  This is not meant to be hurtful but realistic and to encourage you to do well dating by raising the bar a little.  If you disagree, that’s wonderful.. date whoever you want.  I was only your friend trying to offer perspective.  A perspective you now agree with, by the way.  I did lose my temper however and call you a child, and that wasn’t very mature of me.

Secondly.. I did not replace you.  I am dating, as I always was.  This has NOTHING to do with you and never did.  We tried to be lovers, and friends, and neither seems to have worked very well.  Look at this situation.. you ARE STILL WRITING ABOUT ME.  I have the original post you made the other day as something like 8 people emailed it to me.  You’ve deleted most of the spiteful things you wrote, as if your habit.  You tend to say things very pointedly here and on facebook and then delete or edit them later.  I have copies of most of them as those were also emailed to me by fellow bloggers and mutual friends and aquaintences.

If you would like to be friends with your future ex’s, consider making and keeping plans with them, not trashing them online and to mutual friends, and trying to be THEIR FRIEND.  Like I told you, I wish you well.  I don’t hate you and I hope you move on and have a very happy life.  Best wishes.”

This is absolutely my last word on all of this nonsense.

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