Universal truths are things we revisit again and again, learning new deeper layers about them. One of the things I’ve endlessly tripped out on is perspective. It’s absolutely stunning to me the difference a “frame” or “approach” or change in perspective can make. I had another cool experience this weekend that illustrated perspective’s power.
Traveler’s long ago big-time-love and current friend/occasional sex partner was in town this weekend. For a brief recap, and to illustrate the need for perspective (sorry to regular readers who already know this), Traveler dated this woman a few years ago. They feel madly in love and have stunning chemistry. Some bad stuff happened. A few years after, again after much discussion, Traveler and Dragon no longer have a romantic relationship, but are now friends that occasionally have sex. She lives far away, but they see each other maybe a few times a year and still have their amazing chemistry.
We’ve talked about her quite a bit and she’s been built up in my head and in Peach’s, and we were both a little nervous. She seemed like this great untouchable thing we’d lose out to. I talked to Traveler calmly about my nervousness and I felt really soothed and good about it. I was actually able to kinda help Peaches with it too.
Then, it arrived -this weekend. I was looking forward to meeting Dragon. She actually seemed like a pretty cool person, and things being what they are, I generally like my metamours (partners partners). I felt like Traveler and I were in a really good place, and I hoped he’d have a good weekend. The morning of the lunch date with Traveler, Dragon, Peaches and I, I felt odd and insecure. I wasn’t like.. upset or crying or anything like that, but I was sort of dreading it. I knew Traveler’s plans, and therefore knew that pretty much the only time he planned to be in bed with Dragon was that Saturday morning, meaning that when we went to lunch on Saturday he’d have just been having sex all morning with Dragon. .
I was talking to Cleveland about some other unrelated things and I shared that I was kinda nervous or felt weird about going to lunch with him and Dragon, knowing they’d just been fucking all morning. He said “well, we’re going to be fucking all afternoon”. Hmm. True. 🙂
It made my brain take a sharp left and suddenly perspective came flooding back and I had all these thoughts that just freed me. Okay.. so Traveler has a really strong connection and history with Dragon. So Dragon and Traveler have wicked hot chemistry. So they’d be having great sex. Good.
I have strong chemistry with Cleveland. I’d love fucking Cleveland after that lunch. I’d been looking forward to it for days. My growing affection for Cleveland doesn’t change my love or my desire for Traveler, just as my attractions and connections to Hubby or Great Date or RollerGirl didn’t mean I didn’t want the other people I cared about or lusted for in the past.
Hell.. I have been lucky enough to have amazeballs chemistry for a couple of people. Given the opportunity I would happily sleep with either Michael or Jeff or Beth. The chemistry with Michael was so strong I swear I could feel him on my skin when he walked into a room. We collided like magnets. It got us in trouble time and again. But, a relationship isn’t chemistry alone.
Of course my relationship with Micheal wasn’t all chemistry and Traveler and Dragon’s wasn’t either. The other connection Michael and I had has passed though, just as Traveler and Dragon’s has. And here’s the deal, even if it hasn’t, that doesn’t have to mean anything bad for my relationship with him. It was nice that this little lesson was so quick and relatively painless. A question and there is suddenly was, perspective.
I saw that this powerful thing didn’t actually mean anything about me and Traveler when I looked at it from a different perspective. I had nothing to worry about and I knew it. I was free. I had a great lunch and laughed my head off, chatting like old friends. I was happy Traveler looked glowy. I thought his his gal was hot and I liked her. I really like perspective.