The single life

****edited***** the original was full of typos and kinda made me nuts, so I edited it.

It’s been about a month that Hubby and I have been separated.  It’s kinda odd, but most of the time I don’t really mind being single.  I kind of like it.  I feared this for so long, life without Hubby, but honestly it’s not much different.  He ceased being a partner to me before we split.  I mean honestly.. when my patient hung himself and I came home and cried Hubby just sat there flipping the pages of a magazine.  When I had my motorcycle accident he came to the hospital and was rude and kinda mean.  It was the realization I was coming to when he said he’d replaced me with RollerGirl and that he wanted a divorce- I was afraid to not have a partner, but I was already didn’t have a partner.

I remember the first night we opened up and I had sex with kinky boy.  The sex honestly was pretty awesome, but I have to admit that the holding was the part that really wowed me.  Kinky boy held me and didn’t seem to want to get away or stop or fall asleep or leave.  He just seemed to want to hold me and he held me more that night than Hubby had in a year.  He held me and kissed me and cherished me.  He liked me holding him.  Hubby was very affectionate when we first got together and then one day just stopped.  It was a thing I’d complained about for years.  There’s always those little things in a relationship, but it really took a toll, always feeling like a burden for wanting hugs or kisses or snuggles.  So, I miss Hubby, but I miss the Hubby I haven’t had in a long time and it’s not fresh and painful.  But single life still has drawbacks.

This weekend I planned activities with friends.  My men were otherwise occupied.  (Not that Cleveland is really one of “my men” yet, but you know what I mean.  Don’t freak if you should somehow read this Fasz.)  I had a date with Cleveland Thursday and we had a wonderful time.  I enjoy him so much.  We blogged and podcasted, ate and relaxed and had fucking delicious sex.  I loved talking with him and just kinda being together.  I like him so much.

Friday I had a date with Traveler.  We went to Summerfest.  We started early since I have leave to burn and he gets off early on Fridays sometimes.  It gave us so much time to snuggle and talk and pet and laugh and enjoy each others company too.  He listened to some of the podcast with me, and I was conscious of all the sexy flirtiness between Cleveland and I, but it didn’t seem to bother him, which was good.  Some time later we had this really connected passionate sex and petted and cuddled each other to sleep.  He’s been so sweet and loving and just.. fulfilling lately.  He’s such a confidant and source of consistent and embracing love.  I’m so lucky to have him.

It turns out the gyro I had at the fair on Friday got me a little sick and I spent Saturday in bed most of the day with a fever and a severe stomach ache and indigestion.  I was briefly okay in the morning and went out to have an impromptu lunch with a friend, but was otherwise in bed.  It wasn’t that bad except to drive a small point home to me.  This is when it rather sucks to love someone that belongs to someone else.  When I needed gingerale and medicine and a thermometer I had to drag myself out of bed and to the store.  And when I lay in bed sick, there was nobody to watch Netflix with me.

Traveler was with his wife and I felt I couldn’t call or ask for help.  Cleveland had his girlfriend from Cleveland in from out of town.  Most of my friends live in Bainbridge or way up north.  There wasn’t anyone to ask to bring me ginger-ale, saltines and medicine.  I stocked up on this stuff now and will have it if in the future I need it, but still.  There is a comfort in having a partner that can help you at times like that.  Clearly I need to beef up my circle of friends and get better about asking them for help.

It’s true no man (or woman) is an island and we all need help sometimes.  It’s also true that we can’t always access or count on our partners, even if there is more than one because they are human and have lives too.  And this is where a family of friends you are there for that is there for you comes in.

Right now both of my sweeties are pretty unreachable as Traveler heads off to a camping event and Cleveland shows his sweetie a good Seattle time.  I already miss talking to Cleveland and am not looking forward to most of a week with both of them gone,  and the week following with Traveler gone, but I am pretty self sufficient.  It’s kinda nice to know they both are or will be having a good time, because it makes missing them more worth it.  It’s also kind of flattering that Cleveland took a suggestion I had for Port Townsend.  He and his honey are enjoying wine and cheese and a really cool hold hotel with rooms named after the prostitutes who once worked there.  I feel pretty stoked about that.  I stayed there a while back and really enjoyed it and I’m flattered he’d take my suggestion.  🙂

Well, on one of the days this week with my boys away I’ll be a little less lonely.  I met someone.  We have a date Wednesday 🙂

I’ll tell you more tomorrow.  I’m tired and it’s time to take my single butt to bed.

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