*** I feel differently about this after processing things and am okay with whoever reads my blog reading it as long as they want to. If things here are upsetting however, I’d like to ask they not read my blog, but they are free people. I’ll ry to warn when I’m talking about certain potentially triggering things.****
So, I just learned that both Cleveland’s wife and his old girlfriend (the one that just visited) have found and read my blog. Honestly that kinda freaked me out a little. I generally love my metamours and I really like Cleveland’s wife, but the idea of them reading this stuff kinda wigs me out.
So I started thinking about why.
Well, clearly I’m not a total douchebag, so the idea of hurting someone upsets me. I hope I didn’t give them cause for jealousy with Cleveland and I and I hope they weren’t triggered or made upset by the things I’ve said. Of course they know that Cleveland and I are dating, and they are aware that we have sex, but you know… reading about it could have been upsetting. I haven’t met Cleveland’s other girl, but his wife is a sweet person and it’d suck to have caused her any discomfort.
It’s also that it gives them a great deal of info about me that they would not ordinarily be privy to. I don’t tell my metamours all the intimate details of my dates with others all the time, or share with them in our first meeting how it felt to be ending my marriage. It’s personal. Yes, yes, I know it’s a public blog, but it’s anonymous. I don’t have anything like this kind of info about them. They don’t tell me their intimate thoughts all the time or the details of their sex lives and relationships. It’s unbalanced.
It’s also that frankly it’s not representational. This is a blog about love, sex and relationships. I don’t write about all the other areas of my life very much because that’s not what this blog is about. I don’t write about my friendships or my hobbies much, and I don’t talk about my intellectual pursuits or what I’m doing at work. It’s a blog about a specific part of me and my life, and if you read my blog but didn’t know me in real life you’d get a pretty slanted view. These are women that are important to a man I’m falling for. I’d like it if they got to know me in normal ways where I can talk to them about the info they are receiving. As it was, they read the blog and got whatever info they gott.
His wife and girlfriend didn’t contact me to answer questions or address things that upset them, and frankly I’d like to answer questions if they’d like. If I do stuff that upsets Cleveland’s wife, I want to know about it. I want to address it and be considerate and do what I can to make her comfortable and happy, especially if it’s a small thing. We share a lover and may someday share a love (okay…maybe not that far off… I’m so falling for that guy). It just worries me to have a part of a “conversation” out there but no dialog. I don’t know what they thought of info about me and we are all interconnected. I want to know about them too. Of course it might all be moot. Maybe they didn’t have any reaction. Maybe it was no big deal. Maybe they were bored. I wouldn’t know. They both said they aren’t going to read it, but still.
It’s not that I’m against being open with my metamours. It’s just that I would like to be open as part of a dialog. If they do visit the blog again I hope they will consider talking to me about what they read or having a coffee or whatever with me if they’d like.
It’s all okay and I understand being curious, and it’s not like I’m mad or upset or anything, but yeah. I feel a little odd and I’m looking at my reaction.