Creep at the Sex Party

I went to my first event at the local kink club.  It was a midweek sex party/bdsm party that is usually separate but got smooshed together because there were so few people at the club due to it being the week all the kinksters go out to an all week bdsm camping thing.  Cool.

I met a cute foreign guy and was having a lot of fun chatting with him.  Another guy came up and was chatting too and would not leave.  He was funny though, so I suppose that was okay.  Then a girl I’d said I would meet there showed up.  I didn’t recognize her because I’d met her with clothes on and was distracted at the moment by her big pretty boobs.  We all got to talking and laughing and were having a great time for a while.  Image

Eventually my new friend and her friend wandered off and we shook the guy who wouldn’t let us be alone and we chatted on a couch, this guy and I.  After a bit he asked if I wanted to play.  I told him that depended what he meant by play.  I was not interested in having sex or bdsm playing with this guy at this point.  He said he wanted to touch my hand. Oh. Charming. Sure. 

We played handsies for a bit and he was cute, so I kissed him.   I think he thought “Eureka!  The American slut is now ready for me to fuck her.  She is mine!”.  He was like.. eating my face.  He shoved his tongue completely down my throat and was aggressively rooting around my mouth.  Something other than just bad kissing felt off here.  I recoiled and tried to close my mouth and/or pull away and he put his hand on the back of my head to prevent that.  I pushed a little and he pushed harder on the back of my head and became more aggressive.  I got more serious, put my hand on his chest and another on his face and pushed harder, separating our mouths.  He like.. tongued the air.  Yikes.

I told him “No.  Stop.  Not so much”.  He said “I thought you like that”.  I had been in a kink club and the girl and I that had been talking had talked about liking Doms.  Okay.  Maybe he was confused and thought because I was a sub I liked men to be all super aggressive.  He isn’t kinky and he’s a foreigner and you could see where his confusion could come in.  I said “NO.  I don’t like that.  It’s too much tongue and too forceful.  Not like that”.  I was already thinking this was a mistake.  There was just something off about him.  I was thinking I should leave.  He went for another kiss and I allowed it, hesitant.  

About 4 seconds into it he placed his hand on the back of my head again and was like… smashing my mouth against him.  I can’t explain it, but I knew I was in trouble.  This wasn’t just bad kissing.  This guy figured he was in.  He was not overly concerned with what I thought.  It was the presumption I could feel.  

I’ll admit it.  I got scared.  I was glad there was lots of people around and that I could get help to get away from him.  I can’t explain it. It was just kissing, but I was prey and not in a good way.  I kicked myself for talking cars with him and admitting what I drove.  He wasn’t being aggressive or trying to own me in a bdsm way.  He’d admitted he wasn’t at all kinky. He was thinking I owed him.  He was figuring I was just his for the taking now.  And we had not negotiated that.

I know this probably sounds silly. What a fine hair to split.  I’m having trouble doing it justice.  I was in trouble and it was off.  It’s just a thing.  I think sometimes your gut just knows.  I had been having a misgiving all night and trying to talk to him to figure it out.  Cute funny articulate guy… what’s the problem?  He was just off and it was like his human mask was slipping, you know?

ImageIt’s killing me that I can’t explain this.  I wish I was a better writer sometimes.

So there I was with his hand clasped very firmly on the back of my head and another on my back, crushing me to him as he plundered my face.  I needed to get away.  I put a hand on his chest and another on his face again and pushed.  His grip tightened.  I pushed hard.  I was serious now.  He clamped harder.  Oh shit.  Oh shit.  I pushed very forcefully and agressively now and separated our faces and he overpowered me and smashed us together again.  Shit shit shit.  

I pushed as hard as I could and wriggled my legs under me to stand up and dug my fingers into his arm really hard, pulling it off of my head.  When free, his arm still trailing on me looking to make me sit back down, I said very forcefully “NO”.  He smiled.  I was scared and I wanted to leave, right now.  I walked to the desk by the door and he followed me and grabbed my arm.  At the desk, I turned and told him “Goodbye.  I’m leaving now, alone”.  I was really shaken.  I should have asked someone to walk me to my car, but instead I ran in my heels, got in, locked the door and got the fuck out of there.  I checked my rear view a lot, making sure I wasn’t followed.  I texted peaches, really afraid.  I feel silly writing this, because it was only a kiss.. I mean he didn’t really do anything, but I was really shaken.  You know how sometimes your instincts just.. tell you things?  I had been in trouble and I was shaken and glad to be free.  

I called my other friend, TexDom (the guy I dated a couple of times a few months ago and wound up being cool friends with).  He was cool and understood it.  He got me to laugh and told me that next time I could come to his house.  He lives close to the club and is a big dude with some really nice guns.  That made me feel safe.  I had a place to go and someone to watch out for me.  He said he’d go with next time if I liked.  I hated that I needed some big strong dude to make me feel better, but dammit it did make me feel better.   

So, good reminder.  Not everyone at the sex/bdsm party is a well adjusted individual.  I gotta be a little smarter and handle this shit with care.  I’m nice and sometimes that makes me a magnet for crazy.  Yep. I found the creep at the sex party.




  1. Wow. What a powerful telling of this story. Im sorry you were scared. My instincts make want to tell you a bunch of things to protect you but Im sure you think of those and that’s not the reason for the post. But it is a very well written post and an interesting if painful story.


      • The worst Assaults and attacks happen at a second location someplace away from witnesses..never go to the second location. In this case I think the way you left was not done well. If he had decided to pursue you you would be flustered and alone with no one to help. Next time speak with someone, let someone know you need to leave and that you are afraid someone might follow you and ask for someone to help you to your car. A bouncer or management or several friends who could then return after you safely depart. If you must leave along do it will. Have nothing in your hands except your keys. Have your cell phone handy but know that it won’t help you until after you need help. If something is so bad you think you need help call the police and wait as long as you need to for them. Just tell them your scared. The response may be very slow but you will be safe. If you go it alone walk, don’t run but go with purpose. Unlock your car get in and lock your car immediately. Start your car and leave immediately and begin in a direction other than to your home. Be prepared to dive to help if your followed. Once your sure your safe then turn towards home. The purpose of this is that if someone follows you the may do it several times and after the first time they wait at the location they lost you and begin from there each time getting closer to your home. That’s why you start in a direction other than home. But only for a few blocks or so. If at any point you are assaulted stand your ground there. Better to be hurt there at a place where someone will eventually find you, a parking lot or neighborhood etc, than to be taken to a second location of his choosing. Be safe. PS I think you have a cute little ass;-)


      • Also, ever party I have been to has monitors whose job it is to make sure everyone is safe and feels safe. If this is the place I am thinking of they are quite good at handling issues like this. Do not be afraid of saying that you are done playing/kissing or that what someone is doing is creeping you out.

        Frankly if this was at the club I am thinking of I want this guy gone. Life is hard enough as a kinky guy without predators like him making potential partners wary.

        Remember that anyone worth playing with will expect to negotiate, respect your boundaries as their own, and find you sexier for your understanding of what you want and don’t want.

        Negotiation is a whole other topic worthy of its own post, tho. Stay safe. Have fun. Don’t give up on the community because of one jerk.


  2. So I’m generally just a lurker on your blog however with a situation like this I think that it is important for me to speak up. As a guy I know some men that will seek these type of situations out, a foot in the door syndrome. Not to instill a sense of fear or dread when you meet a guy and want things to progress but more as a cautionary tale, your gut was telling you something from the beginning but you let enviroment and situations dictate action and thought processes. Not every situation warrants you to question people around you (cause ladies can be creepers as well) but when your bells go off then listen up and take heed.
    I’m glad that you are safe and that you found outlets for that stress.


    • You’re right. I have forgotten to trust my gut. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the meat market and meeting random strangers. Your gut exists for a reason and your subconscious will sometimes recognize things before your conscious mind can evaluate it. I’ve pretty much always regretted not going with my gut. Thank you for the good reminder, and thanks for speaking up. A) because I freaking love comments and knowing who my lurkers are, and B) because it’s a good reminder and I appreciate the back up. Thank you


  3. The warning flag for me is the “sex” party and the “bdsm party” being combined. He sounds like one of those creepy stereotypical swingers, (I know plenty of respectful swingers) who takes a woman’s mere presence as consent. You should report him to the club.) Seriously. You said no. ~G


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