Time is precious for all of us. There are just so many hours in a day. It flies when we have fun. There is a poly saying that love may be limitless, but time and attention are not. A bunch of sayings about time and they’re so true. I got the nicest gift of time this weekend.
Friday I went to Peach’s house to help her pack and was fed a good dinner instead. Everything just started so late so we’re helping Tuesday instead. It was a nice way to spend time after a stressful week. While there, she made the joke that her friend was coming over to meet Traveler. It was a joke. Her friend was coming over to help and put faces with the names. The friend was lovely and smart and funny and genuine and just obviously good people. I liked her a lot. I bristled unnecessarily at the joke about her dating Traveler though. I felt possessive and my possessiveness didn’t sit well with me. I hate the idea of Traveler getting a 4th girlfriend. (He has a wife and 2 girlfriends). To be clear.. I do not think this person wants to date Traveler. She was only being friendly. But it made me bristle and I didn’t like that about myself.
I don’t mind the idea that Traveler would fuck someone. Hell, I want want to fuck someone with him, and should we find the right person and opportunity we will. I like the idea of him having fun. I actually like the idea of him having more love too. It’s not that I begrudge him connection. I hate the idea of sharing his time with another relationship right now though. I don’t get a say in this. I know that. I am not a voting member. I don’t get to dictate to him what his relationships need to look like and I wouldn’t want that power if he offered it. I want him to be happy and to be free, and if that meant dating another person I would WANT to accept and support that. No. I can honestly say I would accept it. If he wanted to date someone I’d hate it, but I love him and I would find a way to support it.
The little girl in me had kicked her feet. I don’t want less time with him. I am happy with our time and I don’t want less. While he is with 3 people this means that he has one night a week with me all night and sometimes a second night overnight (outside of the present and temporary work demands) or sometimes a dinner or video-game night. His work schedule has blown up and he is working really hard. I support this. It’s something he needs to do for his career and his project and his company. Of course I support him. God knows he’d support any of us in that, and he has. I can deal with him being tired or distracted or hard to make plans with. Work is work. But another girlfriend? Ugh.
Again, to be clear, I don’t think anyone is suggesting it. He said point blank that he is not interested in the friends Peaches joked about him dating. They are both super attractive women but he’s not interested. He feels his plate is full. I don’t think Peaches is serious about wanting him to date them either. I don’t want to be possessive but I was.
So I break it down and it’s this. I love Traveler and I love our relationship. I don’t want it to lessen or be unfulfilling. It’s always that, isn’t it? We get scared we won’t get something we want or scared we’ll lose something we have. When I begin to see this, the way to be peaceful appears. Traveler loves me. I know he does. He loves his wife and he loves Peaches. He is not wanting less time with any of us either. He is not trying to replace any of us or have anything less with any of us. What I was scared of there for a minute isn’t happening and I therefore have nothing to fear. Traveler isn’t like that, endlessly seeking more conquests at the expense of the things he’s built. He is so not like that. I feel relief. I can let it go. I can just be at peace. I don’t have to be scared of shadows.
And then there is the lovely gift of time for our anniversary. I had the most amazing time with Traveler this weekend. Saturday morning we had breakfast and showered, and walked around downtown Seattle all day. We had lunch and coffee and talked and talked and talked. We people watched and relaxed and did almost nothing at all. It was wonderful. We came back home and made steaks and veggies and opened a yummy wine. We snuggled and watched Game of Thrones. We laughed and played and were silly. It was close and comfortable and good, so good. We went to bed and snuggled and pet with music and hung out with the kitties. We were both drowsy and relaxed. Like it often does, petting each others bodies got us worked up, and I took my time, loving every second of sucking his cock and making him react. When I couldn’t take it any more I rode him, dizzy with the things he was saying. It was amazing and afterward we both marveled at it. I fell asleep petting him and woke in his arms, snuggling again.
And that wasn’t the end of it. We planned to work a few hours in the yard and were thwarted by the weather and instead ate my french toast and snuggled and pet our way through a football game and eventually a whole day. We played our video game for hours. It was fucking heavenly. It was amazing to have so much time together. It was restorative and it charged me.
Time is always precious, and in poly it is more so. It is completely true that we can have an infinite supply of love but that time and attention are limited. I would have felt bad if he hadn’t had his date Friday night and Sunday night with Peaches. I told him as I left that I felt like we’d spent the entire weekend together. He smiled and said we pretty much had and that he’d loved it. What an amazing gift of time. What a treasure.