Tell-Tale Cumming

ImageI’m having a little difficulty with my roommates. I live in a house with two other women, one actually had heard of polyamory when I first looked at the place. Not only that, but she seemed kinda positive about it when I disclosed before I said I’d take it, originally as a play space. She seemed clear and positive about the entire poly thing. I was clear that I’d have dates here with a few people, at the time planning a max of about 3 days a week. I felt that I should just be honest about everything and if it was a bad fit I’d have kept looking. I don’t want to sign a lease and have my roommates plot my demise.

I came here as a play space for a few months and then moved in a few months later when things went south with Hubby. I checked with the roomies before the move in and all was well. I accidentally was a jerk roommate when I first moved in. I had pretty loud sex a bunch of times. After a bit we had a house meeting and they let me know that they could hear me having sex and mildly complained that it was a bit much. They were totally right and I apologized profusely and immediately changed my ways. I hadn’t thought about all of our windows open and sound traveling. I hadn’t had roommates in a long time. I made sure I was a lot quieter and played music and/or used my fan to mask other tell-tale sounds. Things were smooth for a bit.

ImageThen last week my one roommate sent me a text saying they’d heard me a few times after our talk. I thought I’d been really good about it. Drats. Wait. I reviewed things and I HAD been really good about it. Well.. what can you do? I promised to try even harder to be considerate. I texted back that I was sorry and said I’d try to figure something out because I wanted to respect both of them. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. How could I problem-solve this? I don’t want my roommates to be uncomfortable in their home, but I HAD been really good. I’d told my partners and they’d been really good too. I had played music each time. My room is on the bottom floor below the livingroom and theirs is on the third floor above the livingroom and kitchen. Okay. It seems like hearing me from the livingroom is the problem. The construction is thin enough that if they are sitting in the livingroom with the TV off and either one of us is talking loud you can at least hear voices and maybe even make out some words if they are loud enough. They’d said my music and movies and such never bothered them. I am going to have to talk to her.

Last night when Traveler and I finished I saw that she had texted me. She’d been reading in the livingroom and had sent me the text “I can hear you”. My stomach sank. We were very quiet, kissing much of the time. I’d breathily whispered in his ear as I moved. She’d had to have heard only our ragged breathing. Telling Traveler about the text, I was scared he’d let it affect us. I will do anything I can to be a good roommate within reason, but I don’t want to give up a single night of holding him or our sex life. I was afraid he’d be afraid to come here or that when he did he’d hesitate to fuck me. He assured me this would NOT be the case and I believed him. Good.

ImageWe troubleshot. I can play music and run a fan and be very quiet, but I can’t assure my roommate won’t be able to tell I’m having sex. I talked it over with Fishnet this past weekend too. She’d agreed that having the standard that you don’t want to be able to tell your roommate is having sex or being upset at breathing or quiet sounds or whatever is unreasonable.

I’m on the lease and I’m a very clean roommate who is often not home, cleans up and pays everything on time every time. I’m willing to be reasonable and hope my roommate is too. I’m not sure if both of them have an issue with it or just the one, but clearly we need to work this out and it will likely take concessions from both sides. I’m happy to share the cost of a white noise machine and play my fan and music and be as quiet as is reasonable, but I’m not giving up nights with my love or stopping enjoying our sex life. I hope they are willing too.

16 Comments

  1. Okay… to expect that she’s never going to hear you is a bit ridiculous… especially if your room is directly next to a common room. I hate to say it but you have made more provisions than I would and she is going to need to suck it up. Maybe she can turn on a radio or something so the noise is in her room instead of coming from another room with the other ‘nlise’…

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  2. I could not live like that… I’d be leaving in a heartbeat. The only way you are going to please them/her is to quite having sex. Give me a break, she expects you to control your noises from sexual activity? Oh come on. I’m not sure what they expected, but only a couple on nuns have sex w/o making a sound…

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  3. Okay… so they know you’re gonna be having a lot of sex… and then they expect you do have said sex and not make a sound? I’d try to keep it down to a dull roar but I would have let them know at that meeting that having noise-free sex isn’t something that (a) I find enjoyable and (b) is always doable every time so I’ll apologize if you hear some noise ahead of time.

    You try not to inconvenience roommates… but does that mean they get to inconvenience you? I don’t think so and, being the person I am, I would point out that this is why they make noise-cancelling headsets. I mean, shit, what you’re describing is almost like going back and living with your parents! I know there has to be rules but, if you’re on the lease, you get to have some say in things as well and I’d like to think that if you heard them getting laid, you wouldn’t pay much attention to it… or maybe you’d get a glass and listen in… but it wouldn’t be a big deal because you understand that sex can be noisy so it’s to be expected.

    I would have agreed to keep the noise down as much as possible… but if I’m in my space and getting busy and a roomy sends me a text saying they can hear me, sorry, there’s gonna be some shit (1) for interrupting my groove with your text and (2) trying to make me do your bidding and cater to your sensibilities and more so after I told you what the deal was gonna be – and you said you didn’t have any issues with it.

    I’m on the lease so I have some rights, too, and if you can hear a little something coming out of my room, plug in your iPod or whatever, put your earbuds in, and, wow, you’re not gonna hear me getting mine.

    It makes me wonder if they might not be a bit pissy because you’re getting yours and they aren’t…

    You should let us know how this turned out for you… and they should be glad I don’t live with them ’cause I would shred their seemingly prudish asses…

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  4. I’m sorry you’re having roommate troubles. At the beginning of my relationship, my partner accidentally left some bondage rope on the floor and it got wedged under the door after opening and closing it a couple of times. His roommate (who owned the condo) asked what it was and he, perhaps wrongly, was honest and told her a little bit about BDSM. She almost kicked him out, and even when she decided to let him stay out the rest of his lease she made things really awkward and uncomfortable. She would always glare at me when I came over, even though we were super quiet. Just my presence made her uncomfortable. It was unfortunate because the two of them were friends until she found out about his sex life. Then it was like the past year and a half of friendship meant nothing and she acted like he was some sort of sexual predator.

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  5. Maybe you could use a signal to indicate when you are having a partner over so that she can avoid the common area during those times? She has a right to enjoy the space that you share, but asking you to remain silent is unreasonable. You’re all adults, she can deal with occasionally having to be in another room if her sensibilities are so harmed by sex noise. When I was living in the dorms (the only time I’ve had a roommate who wasn’t also a sex partner) we used a rubber band on the door knob to indicate someone was gettin’ freaky. It was subtle, but clear.

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  6. Perhaps you should invite them in the next time you are having sex. That way they can point out at what exact moment you are being too loud. I would suggest this as the best solution to their problem after all you obviously cannot tell when you are too loud so best that they be there to let you know. 🙂

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