Does it ever feel that EVERYTHING is trying to tell you the same thing? The universe appears to want me to really really get right with my sexuality. I am getting the message loud and clear that it’s time to stop being embarrassed or ashamed, or anything but utterly-okay with exactly who and exactly what I am. My face has just been GROUND INTO THIS repeatedly and with great force this year. It’s happening over and over and over again that my sexuality has been derided and questioned and shamed. It’s been the reason for insanely huge loss this year and repeated attacks.
And you know what? It worked. I don’t give a flying fuck now. I’m a god damned kinky poly bisexual slut and FUCK anyone and everyone who has a problem with it! Yes it cost me dearly and yes I am named in a summons and yes people have been and are talking about me. Fine. Carry on. I am done taking that shit on. That’s their shit. It ain’t my shit. I am rising above and taking every one of those little shame buttons out and pulverizing them. They can’t get me this way anymore. I know that I was honest and clear and kind and I never did anything that I didn’t have utter and clear consent to do and I always acted with respect. I just needed to declare that and this was the only mountain top I have handy. Whew. Thank you.
I posted the following to a secret Facebook group I belong to and then decided to post it here too. And yes.. I’m aware that the few people from this group that read this blog will unequivocally know who I am now. Fuck it. Bring it on. It’s not much of a secret anyway. And that’d be just another in a long line of outings… I. Don’t. Care. I’m pretty sure this summons or whatever will go nowhere and that my friend and I having an alleged relationship won’t be admissible anyway, but if it is… I. Don’t. Care.
I think it’s true. I think the universe really is trying to make me okay with my sexuality once and for all and that’s it. I’m there. Take a full page ad if you feel like it. Write me hate mail. Comment here or anywhere else you like with judgements of any kind you like about my sexuality. I am DONE feeling ashamed of or defending or worrying about what YOU think about my sex. I have been in collision with this for forever, worrying about what partners would think of the number of my partners, worrying what it looked like or what people thought or defending my position or explaining it. It matters what I and my partners think about my sex. I don’t care if you think it’s too much or the wrong kind or whatever. I don’t care if I seem slutty or if you judge it. I don’t care. I honestly don’t care. There. Finally. There’s freedom in that. I am seeing in my deepest recesses what has been true all along. I am whole and perfect in my sex and I don’t need to take on anyone else’s view of that. I have to stop worrying about pleasing the opinions of others. Full Stop.