Home Again

I’m back from my vacation with Traveler.  I have a bunch of blog posts I’d like to write inspired by this, but I just woke up and wanted to write before I really started my day.  I loved it. I already wrote a gushy post about how amazing it was to go to Victoria Canada with Traveler, so I will resist writing another, but it really was wonderful.  It was very relaxing and there was much to fall deeper in love with.  One of those moments for me was a really unlovely moment.

panicWe took the clipper up and back and it was very rough.  On the way up we took the normal route on rough seas.  I took some motion sickness medicine I now forget the name of.  I was nauseous a good deal of time, but it still went very well.  I was a teeny bit anxious right before we pushed off on the way back.  We got on the boat and the captain mentions that there is some 4-6 ft storm swell and it’s going to be very rough, so we’re taking the long way home through the islands and it’s going to be a 5 hour trip instead of the normal 3.  I began to panic, as in heart racing, palms sweating, throat closing, thinking-I-might-die panic.  I cried.  twice.

I was so embarrassed and at the same time could not stop myself.  My brain ran to all these horrible places and brought me to my seat in that little clipper ship imagining that I was screaming and clawing at the door and nobody would let me out.  I was TERRIFIED.  I tried to hold it together, got it back under control quickly and breathed.  It wouldn’t have been so bad except that I did it again, the second time,  (after the 5 hour announcement and the news that we’d have VERY rough seas for the first 30 minutes or so) was pretty bad.  Traveler was amazing though.  He was very soothing and helped me calm down and get back in control.  I HATED that I was doing that and was grateful he was calm and reassuring.  We talked about other things that were better and this one lasted a few more minutes.

Afterward I was so embarrassed and ashamed.  I asked him to please remember all the good stuff instead.  I said “when you think of this trip, remember curling and pints of Guinness, fun at the miniature place, the beautiful architecture, that toe curling blow job, hours of WoW, laughing ourselves silly, all the amazing touch and snuggling and kisses, the way I pet you, the way we talked, and that delicious poutine.  Please don’t remember I was a coward”.  He said “I’ve never seen you be a coward” and kissed me.

waveIt turns out I was afraid for almost nothing.  The trip was long but more boring than eventful.  We did crossword puzzles and laughed at the very young very drunk Canadians in front of us.  The captain announced that we’d avoided what turned out to be a 10 foot swell.  Yikes.  I knew we were avoiding it, but just to feel better I asked him to promise to give me his belt so I could tether myself outside if we encountered 10 foot swells, and just for kicks, got him to promise to fuck me in the bathroom before he gave me the belt.  He said he promised if we were ever in 10 foot swells he’d fuck me in the bathroom and give me his belt.  So, at least if we’re ever on really rough seas I have something to think about that’s a lot more fun that how sick I’ll be.  Hmm.. I wonder where I could find another 10 foot swell?

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