After he leaves, I don’t change the sheets. I like sleeping in a place that smells like him.
I like running my Sunday errands thinking about dinner and football tonight with Traveler and his wife, getting a chance to chill with them at the end of a good weekend and getting to watch some football.
I am eager and nervous for tonight. I have a date with Boss at the club, at a play party I’ve been meaning to hit. I’m nervous because I don’t know what to expect. I’ve never been to this party and I’ve never been to a party with a date. I’ve never played at the club. I’ve wanted to. Are we going to play? What should I expect? It makes me happy to think eagerly of possibilities and to not have specific expectations. It makes me happy to think of chemistry and exploring and fun. I’m turned on and scared and I kind of like the combination. I know I don’t really have anything to fear. I have some control here. I have some say. But I like and fear the unknown.
I feel so encouraged by my loves. Both of them were supportive about tonight. When I told Cleveland and Traveler that I was meeting Boss and that we’d be meeting at the club and that it might be a play date (read kinky sex), and that I kind of hoped it was, they were both encouraging. They kissed me or hugged me and told me to have fun and to be safe. I waited for a shoe to drop that didn’t. I would happily have had more conversation or been supportive if there’d been a need for reassurance or support, but there didn’t seem to be even a healthy need for that yet. I probed a little, trying to encourage them to talk if they wanted to. I could feel a tiny something in them that they both swore wasn’t there. I think they naturally had a tiny pinch that they handled internally. I think they didn’t want to make a thing out of something that they easily managed and I think they were actually okay. They are very clear that I love them. I think they know how important they are to me. That made me feel good. I like thinking that the groundwork is there for us in all of our talks and kisses and attention and love, that they had little fear. It would have been and will be okay if they have little things here and there and we talk about it. But it was nice that nobody melted down.
I am buoyed by Friday’s wonderful date with Cleveland. It was a stressful week and it took me a little bit to de-stress. It was wonderful to have time. We helped Peaches pick up some things at the naughty shop and played Cards Against Humanity with our friends. It was hilarious and we had the best time. We had talks and snuggles and pets and amazing sex. We slept and woke together. We made plans for our next date and marveled as we always do by getting time together. Love may be boundless but time and attention are not and I was grateful as ever for it.
I feel content after Saturday’s date with Traveler. We wanted to do a little something different but weren’t really wanting to get gussied up and frankly we both really LIKE our little routine, so we just ate dinner somewhere different. Interestingly we talked about our agreements. Somehow we never explicitly did that and me being me, I liked getting it in words and layed out. We pretty much have one agreement. We like to be informed, and will continue to inform each other. We’re good at it. We talked about football and World of Warcraft and silly little things. We had sex that left us both reeling and panting and fell asleep curled together. He might let us interview him. He’s thinking about it.
I am so eager to interview both Peaches and then Traveler’s Wife. They have both agreed to talk to us for the podcast. So cool!
I’m excited I’ll get to see Traveler’s Wife a lot this week. We planned a girl’s night and we have Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to dish with her. We said we’d let Traveler come to dinner with us but I think we’ll get some girl time too afterward. I feel so honored and loved to be included in their holiday. I know a lot of people in my situation will be spending the day alone and have no access to their loved ones, and I’m grateful for such generosity.
And I can’t stop thinking non-stop about Roller Derby. I joined a beginner’s league and went Saturday to get kitted up with all the things I need to play. I feel like a kid with new school clothes. I love my helmet and my gear. I can’t wait to actually be any good. I just want to skate and skate and skate. I made a huge Amazon wishlist of tights and socks and booty shorts.
I’m just happy today and aware of my many blessings. You ever have days like that when you just want to make gratitude lists?