Little things you do can make a big difference to those who love you. I think there’s a lot of talk about how to show people you love them and there’s lots of stories of grand gestures. I’m not against them, honestly, but it’s the little stuff that I crave and the little stuff that sustains me. I love epic dates with deep talks and insanely large amounts of kissing and touch and amaze-balls sex and all of that. BELIEVE ME.. I don’t turn my nose up at that kinda thing. But a million little things adding up over time is somehow more soothing to me. Maybe it’s that I’ve had so many grand gestures that add up to nothing or because I’ve lost really important things when the every day was forgotten, or maybe it’s just my perspective.. whatever. But big big gestures just aren’t enough.
I’d be sad for NO big gestures and no anniversary dinners and no occasional marathon sex sessions. I’m not saying to stop writing the occasional love letter (or let’s be real.. love email). What I’m talking about here is the little everyday ways we love someone. Today was a big gesture in a way because it’s Thanksgiving and it was an all day kinda thing, and that’s pretty huge and wonderful, but it was also the tiny little things that I loved so much.
Traveler’s wife let me help her make a beautiful dinner. We watched mystery science theater and gabbed about stuff. There were these sweet moments, when we told each other that we loved each other, when we gave each other a peck, when we teased Traveler together, destroying the kitchen and laughing at ourselves. There were all these loving little pats and gestures and comfortable shared intimacy. Again, to be clear, Traveler’s Wife and I are not dating in any way.. it’s a sweeter kind of love. I’m crazy about her and want to snuggle her and play with her hair and listen to everything about her, but I’m not trying to fuck her. It’s hard to explain.
Anyway.. I’m talking about these little loving things. We have a girl’s night planned tomorrow and we got to make pies and go dancing and cook a Thanksgiving meal this week. She has included me in her life in these little ways and I’m just grateful. It’s all these little things. It’s group hugs and little cuddles and the way she gives her time. It’s listening and sharing with me and letting me in a little bit in her weird little world. (for clarity.. we all have weird little worlds and we let lucky few in.. I’m not saying she is weird but that these little personal worlds are weird).
I’m feeling this with Traveler too of course, in the way he wanted me to come early and help cook, because it’s more fun that way, to cook together, and he wanted to include me. It’s in a little text here and there and in him thinking about how I get carsick and letting me drive. It’s holding each other.. doing nothing but just holding each other after we went dancing. It’s grabbing my butt while I do dishes and asking me to come hang out before our date when he is folding laundry. It’s going to the skate shop with me while I bought all my derby stuff and patiently amusing himself and offering advice here and there from his days of skating and playing hockey. It’s coming and chilling while his wife and I made pies, and being thoughtful enough to bring sandwiches for dinner.
I feel over flowing with love for them both.
This love in little things is there with Cleveland too. He’s needled me a little to go pick up my ring, looking out for me. It’s seeing something funny and sending it to me. It’s him playing fun games with me and my friends and asking if I’ve managed to hit the Apple store about a glitch with my phone. It’s making podcasts with me and Peaches and sharing his ideas and his excitement about a new lens.
I even find my love of the little things in my brand new thing with Boss. I love the way we talk so damn much, and I love these sweet little things he says. Listening to one of my podcasts, he said “I like having you in my head”. He was talking about his earbuds, but he was also talking about me in his head. And a few minutes ago he said that he liked “seeing” me at bedtime. We were chatting on Google. I had to smile at that because I really like it too. He’s kinda amazing I think. Don’t worry kids.. it’s early days and I’m saying nothing more that I like it. He makes me smile. A lot.
I just really like having this perspective.. looking for and finding love and affection and warmth in all kinds of little things. I like how I feel to be focusing there and I like the reminder of this gratitude to both recognize and give the little things. Grand gestures are lovely, but everyday thoughtfulness or kindness or affection is so reassuring and so comforting, so filling and fulfilling. I hate being a cliche, but my Thanksgiving post is a lot about gratitude. Eh. Oh well. I’m sorry but I just can’t stop smiling.