Same Love- Loving Girls

I went to see Macklemore last night and had this kind of spiritual gratitude experience.  I never thought it would happen in my lifetime, but I stood in an arena bursting at the seams with people singing along to a song about about gay rights and acceptance.

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Mary Lambert- Singer featured in “Same Love”

This song made the cry the first time I heard it.  Actually I cried the first 6 or 7 times I heard it.  I remember being a 16 year old girl, in my Cleveland, Ohio high school and wondering what the hell it meant that I loved my best friend Kristen.  We’d had a threesome with a guy we both knew, and to her it was a fun sexual experiment, and to me it was finally acknowledging what I’d known since I first kissed Melissa at age 12.  Melissa and I told ourselves we were “practicing for when we had boyfriends”.  I’m not totally sure what we thought our boyfriends would be like that we had to practice eating pussy.  😉Image

I liked girls.  I liked them in a way that other girls didn’t like girls.

When Melissa and I played house, I would imagine us really doing all of this some day, being a family.  I dreamed it the same way that kids dream of being a dinosaur or a superhero.  I knew it was impossible but I could almost feel what it would be like.  Later I imagined other stuff Melissa and I would do, but at first I just wanted her to love me.

In the time between Melissa and Kristen, my friend Pam slept over.  I have no idea how it happened, but we started making out and ended up with our hands in each other’s pants on the floor next to my bed.  We were sweating and panting, still wearing our clothes around our necks and ankles when my dad came in my room.  My bed shielded his view of us from the door and we bumbled quickly into a semblance of wearing our clothes.  He didn’t ask why we were red faced and scrambling on the side of my bed.  He didn’t know a lot of things he knew.

He shared verses from the bible with me over the years and he had people pray for me a lot.  I sat under duress on a kitchen chair in my living room while people prayed for my salvation in a kind of exorcism.  He kicked me out when I was 16, but it felt more like I fled.  A few years later he came to visit me and we drove from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon with him proselytizing the whole way.  It started because Elton John had come on the radio and my dad snapped off the radio and told me Elton John was going to burn in eternal hell.  Screaming fight number 9,457 commenced and ended with me telling him that I’d heard all he had to say and he’d heard all I had to say about this, and if he’d like to have a relationship with me at all we needed to not talk about sexuality.

ImageSome people understood and some didn’t over the years.  It was difficult in a lot of places, and even when people got it they often thought it meant more “sleeps with everything” than the sex of a person just isn’t super important when it comes to sex and love.  It’s a bigger or smaller deal to be bisexual in different parts of the country and in different social circles.  I’ve been completely out since I was a teenager except for the years I spent in the Army under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.  As little as it is understood and accepted, by both gay and heterosexual communities, it’s still light years more acceptable to be bi than to be non-monogamous, though I might feel differently if I were a bi man.

So, that is where I’m coming from.  I’m a privileged little thing in many respects, but I’ve had my own small share of strife about this stuff.  I’ve had hateful things written on my locker and I’ve been punched and dumped and ostracized.  I had platoon-mates and classmates who refused to shower while I did because they’d learned I liked women.  To them that meant that no woman was safe from my roving eyes.  I’ve heard things people derided called “gay”.  I’ve heard all the jokes and read the comments.  I’ve heard preachers and classmates, coworkers and friends say things that brought tears to my eyes and I’ve marched and watched and signed and petitioned.  In my relatively short life I’ve seen tremendous change on gay rights, but I never imagined I’d actually see some of the changes I’m seeing.  They are saying we might see gay marriage pass nationally and soon.

ImageIt was a completely altering experience to stand in an arena full of people.. full of hi- hop concert going people singing “I might not be the same, but that’s not important.  No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it”.  People’s eyes were tearing up, and it wasn’t just mine.  I wasn’t at a gay rights rally.  I was at a concert watching people’s arms in the air as they sung along with this song.

I never thought I’d see States passing gay marriage in my lifetime.  I never imagined some day people would see some things more like I did and I wouldn’t always be this pariah.  I could not imagine at 16 that one day there would be such a sea change and that so many people or even MOST people would support gay marriage.  Being gay has always seemed like the worst sin to the religious, and I guess it still is.  I mean really, when is the last time you saw churches with signs picketing rape or stealing or lying?  What would happen if they did?Image

Feeling a tidal wave of support.. of people singing in a sold out concert in the last show of the tour, welcoming Mackelmore home… crying with emotion at the power of belief… for loving who you love and being who you are, just floored me.  I can’t stop thinking about it.  I told my friend about it this morning, sharing it by proxy with another woman who couldn’t have imagined someday lots of people would support the idea of her marrying her girlfriend.  I really didn’t think I’d see it even though I really wanted to.  It makes me marvel at what is to come.  Can you imagine a world where it is no longer totally legal to fire someone for being gay in most States?  Can you imagine loving who you want to love and having that be the normal and beautiful thing it is?  “Underneath it’s all the same love.  About time that we raised up… sex”

The words are courtesy of azlyrics.

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay,
‘Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight.
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you’ve loved girls since before pre-k, trippin’ “
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, “Yeah, I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don’t know

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
“Man, that’s gay” gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we’re saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don’t have acceptance for ’em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It’s the same hate that’s caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It’s human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren’t anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that’s not important
No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

We press play, don’t press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking ’round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn’t gonna solve it all
But it’s a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it’s all the same love
About time that we raised up… sex

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind
(not crying on Sundays)

Love is patient
Love is kind

10 Comments

  1. That sounds like a beautiful experience. It is wonderful to know. I live in an area where I feel like I can’t come out as anything that I am safely. But I do it anyways when I can. Queer in nearly every single way. I keep thinking I’d rather hide, but I write stories with me and my story in them. And I’ve come out completely in them. And others will see that. I can never take it back. I don’t want to. It’s out there for all to see. And if one kid free up anything like me and sees themselves in it then I’ve done my job. I’ll do my part to make my corner of the world welcoming for everyone (except maybe idiots). 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry to read some of the things you had to go through whilst growing up. I’m pretty lucky that I haven’t had to experience almost any negativity around my coming out. (Although, it is really annoying that every time I meet a new person, it is like coming out again and again). I feel there is a slow change towards equality and attitudes towards homosexuality. But my heart breaks whenever I hear young kids using the word “gay” as a derogatory remark. And it still happens way too often.

    Like

  3. Well said, dear heart, well said. I figured that one day, gays and bisexuals would eventually step from the closet in droved – it had to happen because while our social mentality is still literally stuck in the dark ages of humanity, we evolve, we adapt, we adjust to our environment and to the point where what was once strange and unheard of can become commonplace. Sadly, there are still many people still stuck in the dark ages and they love to do hateful things and we’ll never really be rid of them… but they are quickly becoming a minority each and every day and every single time someone steps forward and says, “I’m bi/gay and if you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass…”

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  4. even when people got it they often thought it meant more “sleeps with everything” than the sex of a person just isn’t super important when it comes to sex and love.”
    ^^^^^ Love this. I kind of said the same thing when I had to explain to Steve that I wasn’t straight, and he kind of took it as “so, you’ll sleep with anyone.” when what i meant was, I love a person, not a gender. He’s come a long way since then.
    I loved this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s a beautiful song, and I teared up the first time I heard it too. I am still not “out” but to a handful of friends and those I know from the kink community, because I know my family would flip their shit at my being a kinky poly bisexual. But I know that one day I will have to be honest, and stop being afraid, because I want to set a good example for my children. I want them to know that they can love who they love and be who they are and anyone who doesn’t support that isn’t worth their time. And I want them to know that they should not judge anyone else for loving who they love or being who they are, either.

    Like

  6. I was somewhere in row 115 during this concert (which was great) and I haven’t cried that much from a live performance in such a long time. The emotion that you could tell he imbued with every word was startling and something that I wish more people would be open to experiencing. As someone who is just exploring the same sex love side of himself I am grateful everyday to be surrounded by people who love and understand that journey. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Where I’m Standing | SeattlePolyChick

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