Dumb Questions

I had the nicest time last night at a very lovely New Year’s Eve party.  It was nice, everyone just relaxing and having fun.  Cleveland and his wife threw a truly lovely party.  She made her addictive cookies, a pork roast, and spaghetti squash with pesto.  I brought a super rich delicious mocha cheesecake that gave the girls afterglow, and Traveler and his wife brought caprese.  Peaches and her beau made yummy homemade sushi and these cookies she’s kinda famous for.  Cleveland made the best cosmos and whiskey sours in town.  There was lovely conversation, food appreciation, and just general relaxing good times.

On the way to make an appearance at Traveler’s Wife’s Boyfriend’s party the conversation meandered with Traveler and I and I asked him, after he’d talked about how he’d been in love with someone, if he felt he was in Imagelove with me.

I knew what he would say.  I don’t know why I asked.  I guess I hoped maybe he’d say something different.  He said he knew he loved me a lot and that he loved being with me, and he thought we had a real future and that he wanted that, but no, he wasn’t in love with me.  He explained that to him it meant that crazy thing where you are sick without someone, desperate.  To him it’s the thing where you can’t eat or sleep and are a mess and he didn’t think he was in a place to be that again.  Obviously I’m glad he doesn’t feel that!  But I think I wanted him to say he was in love with me.  Turns out we have some pretty different definitions of “in love” and that was a pretty dumb thing to ask.  Still, somehow it made me sad.  I don’t want him sick, but I did want him to say he was in love with me.  I decided I was being silly and I shouldn’t ruin a truly lovely night so I dropped it.  I’m happy.  I’m happy now and I’m happy with our dreams.

We had a great time, even if it was brief, with Traveler’s wife and her boyfriend and his friends and loves and I didn’t think about it.  Leaving the party, I took up the whole “in love” thing again.  I admitted to him that I was trying not to read into this whole “in love thing” and he kinda groaned, pretty much like you’d imagine any guy would.  That actually kinda helped.  I was after all being silly here.  I love him and he loves me.  He tells me and shows me.  His actions tell me all I need to know.  I told him, honestly, that I knew this was silly.  I had to admit I’d asked him because I’m in love with him, and I wanted to think maybe I was wrong and he would say he was in love with me too.  I’ve been wrong about him a lot.  He’s surprised me a lot.

He asked me my definition of “in love” and how it differed from “love”, and dammit, that was hard to say.  I don’t know.  I think it’s maybe a matter of degree.  I think it’s a level of intimacy and.. something.  It’s the difference between someone who is fun and a girlfriend, and a girlfriend and a partner.  No.  That’s not really it either. I couldn’t define it and understood that whatever it is we are there together.

I told him that I am happy, as things are.  I told him that I felt like what we have right now is really good and makes me happy.  And that I like the things we’ve kinda talked about too.  He told me how much he loved me and how happy he was and talked about long term things.  It was reassuring.  Whatever he called it, that was what I wanted.  He drove home holding my hand.  Everything is well.  I was tired.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to wrap around him while we slept.  I thought of how nice the evening had been.  Laughing at Cleveland’s Wife’s wit, getting the welcome surprise of Traveler’s wife being able to rally and make the party, even though she’d been sick, enjoying the company of the good people in my life, and going home to sleep all snuggled and warm, I could see all good things.

We slept twined together, so warm and fulfilling, and woke and began our new year with kisses and snuggles and petting.  We had beautiful sexy passionate connected sex, and spent most of today just chilling.  Traveler’s wife came home and we were all vegetables all day, watching Lord of The Rings even as I write this.  I could not ask for a single thing other than this.  I don’t care what he calls it.  I love it.  Turns out there really are dumb questions.  🙂



  1. I think that we are, to some extent, still very brainwashed by popular culture that we need to be “in love.” Nevermind that-that very same culture doesn’t push us to be clear, concise, make sure we’re talking about the same thing. No. Whatever we mean when we say it matters not, just that we _are_ it (“in love”).

    It sounds like he’s defining “in love” as something akin to “emotionally dependent.” I find it very easy to sympathize with that definition, actually… but the way he’s putting it makes it sound like a mental illness rather than something good/happy/enjoyable… which is what I tend to think of when I think of love.

    Happy New Year! 🙂


    • Even better, Sylvia, there’s this ‘standard’ of what love is supposed to be like, how it’s supposed to feel, stuff like that and this is despite the obvious fact that we all perceive love differently and men have a very different meaning of the word than women do.

      SPC, I read what he had to say about loving you and, honestly, I grimaced – there’s really no such thing as a dumb or stupid question… but answers usually fall into that category. I know I would have told you yes, I do love you and try to tell you how and why I do and, yeah, in this poly situation, how that love might feel different from the love I have for someone else.

      Anything else, in this guy’s opinion, is just waffling and even a typically male response to a question every woman I know doesn’t view as being stupid or dumb.

      Just my two cents, sweeties…


      • Oh my! I hope it didn’t come off that way. Traveler would not tell me my question was stupid.
        That was me talking and taking a bit of a poetic license to be kinda funny. I do not like being a girly girl and I had been. Traveler DID tell me that he loved me. What I’d asked him was if he was “in love” with me. He’d just told a very difficult story from his past and in it he had been in love with someone and the situation had been tough and he seemed to kinda swear off of it. I was being a big old girly girl and asked if he was in love with me. Somehow I knew he’d say no, but I thought maybe I was wrong and he’d say it. He said that he is not in love with me but that he loves me a lot and that he likes what he have and wants more and wants me in his life for a long time. Later, when I revisited, he explained his definition of “in love” which was different than mine, and told me even more that he loved me and how, and his statements told me he was in love with me under MY definition, which basically was what I’d wanted to know. I realized it didn’t matter how he said it.. it was so lovely that he said it. And more importantly, it makes me really happy that he SHOWS it. He says he loves me all the time and is very affectionate, loving and reassuring. Any vision of him as a withholding creep who said he didn’t love me was clumsy writing. Sorry if that was confusing.
        Girly girl problems! 😛


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