I had this really funny experience last week. I went to an SEO meet up with the Seattle SEO Network. SEO stands for search engine optimization. I went to learn about how to make my site more searchable and to improve my traffic. I met nice people beforehand and I liked them even if I didn’t understand most of what they were saying. 🙂
We headed up to the meet up and found seats. We were late, so we had to sit near the front and were kinda blocked in there. A presenter was pulling up sites on this huge screen and members of the group (SEO professionals, people with websites that wanted help, and other assorted computer knowledge possessors and seekers) gave the websites the once over and suggested things people could do to improve them. I took notes on the parts I vaguely understood or thought I could figure out later.
And then it was time. Leave it to me to end up at an SEO meet-up where people were putting the sites up on a big screen and talking about them. There I was with my red face and my ass 3-feet-wide on a screen. I’d managed to hide my latest post and its warning that it was sexually explicit, but I wasn’t able to change or hide the picture of my ass.
So there I was with a big room full of computer professionals and my sex blog on a big screen. I wanted the feedback and I want to learn, but… well… I had visions of low-crawling out of there, pretending to be sick, running screaming like a banshee. “I Love Lucy” style antics ran through my head. And then I had a thought. I thought “so what”. My ass had been viewed 55,000 times this year. I had talked about all the little sexy things and worse yet, I had talked about falling in love and breaking up and my father’s death and my divorce. I had shared all the ways I’m healing and all the little intricacies of falling in love. I had shared that moment when Traveler and I had told each other we loved each other and when Cleveland had held me after I lost my dog. I talked about my love and commitment for Quinky, Traveler’s other partner, and the family my deepest heart is making. I had talked about everything I’m scared of and everything that happened in my love, sex and relationships. So what if a room of strangers sees my ass and knows what my blog is about, or will find out? So what?
As Quinky quoted back to me, this is the year of me becoming okay once and for all with my sex shit.
I suppose it was a sign of how far I’d come. I thought to myself at the time, “chin up. Be a bold sex blogger or pretend to be one”. I took a deep breath and acted like I was unfazed. I smiled and pretended it was the most natural thing in the world to expose myself this way, with my own face. And you know, it wasn’t so bad. They gave me tips to improve my traffic, most of which I didn’t understand and haven’t been able to implement, but still. I have notes and can learn to do them eventually.
There is another meet up my friend told me about where people go to learn about wordpress and little tricks and tips and skills. I’ve decided to learn more about this stuff so I can do more of what I want and be more independent as a blogger and podcaster. If it takes being a bold sex blogger, well, so be it. Maybe eventually I’ll put my face on this thing. You never know.