I’ve been off the grid a bit because I’ve been moving. This past Saturday, I settled in. Tired, relieved, sore, happy, worried, relaxing sigh… I’m in.
My one roommate, the one that kicked me out, has been asking me how the new apartment is, and honestly part of me didn’t want to tell her. It’s wonderful. I’m so happy to be there. So many things about it are just awesome. It’s such a relief to have my own space. It’s so comforting to have a place where I could have my friends over. After we’d moved everything, Traveler and Quinky, Cleveland and Chicago and Chicago Boy and I toasted with pizza and beer. Quinky made a lovely toast to the new place, and to this being the first of many good times in it with family and friends. I held my breath not to cry. We sat on the floor and ate pizza and it was glorious. I am blessed beyond belief. The family I’ve found, and these beautiful generous loving people are more than I could ever hope for.
Quinky worked something like 50+hours and still came and hauled things all day. I know she was tired and sore, and I never expected her to pitch in like that. Traveler had been out of town all week and had woken up at 330 am to take Peaches to the airport and then crawled in my bed for snuggles and a little more sleep that morning. I was nervous, and he soothed me with his loving touch. Cleveland was there, bright eyed and his usual happy self, acting like moving me was fun, even as he sweated and carried all the heaviest things, he never complained. Chicago and Chicago Boy showed up, worked their asses off, and made everything just a little bit more fun. It was actually about as pleasant as a move can be.
Everyone loves the new place. It’s simple but really nicely apportioned and maintained and in a great location. It’s a good size toot. It’s definitely better than anything else I could get at the price range, and the drawbacks are few and easy to handle.
So why don’t I want to admit this to my roommate, the girl who judged me and asked me to leave my home? Because. Because I don’t want to alleviate her of responsibility. It’s expensive to move and I am not ready. I dug deeply into my savings and will have to be exceptionally frugal and will still dig further into my savings. I don’t have furniture or many of the things I needed to live in another place, and I didn’t take many of the things I did have from my old house because I expected to leave in my roommate situation for a year. It was hard emotionally to feel judged and rejected and incredibly stressful to have to hurriedly move before I was ready. But.. what was I to do?
I have to admit.. as stressful and expensive and hurtful as the reasons were, the good I am making out of this is pretty damn good. I feel like I am finally starting over. It’s nice to be somewhere that friends can visit more easily. It’s nice to be somewhere clean. It’s nice to have dates and be present in the moment, and not worried about what others are thinking. It’s nice to make dinner while Traveler maps my new apartment in his spiffy new program and to get a kiss here and there as I do the dishes. I loved having Cleveland and his wife over the next day too, and enjoying time with them as they helped me get and set up my television. I love the peace of even this last day and a half. I love a place that is MINE.
It’s going to take me months to crawl out of this financial hole, and I’m not eager to make her feel any better about what she did. But I won’t go down with this. I’m walking away, character intact, knowing I did my best. I’m going to live the way I live. Haters are gonna hate. I hope she has a long and healthy life full of all good things and I hope she works out her issues. I wish her every happiness, but I’m not going to socialize and act like she didn’t do what she did.
They say the best revenge is living well, and I’m doing that. I’m moving on, harboring no ill will and celebrating the life and love I enjoy. Even Boss offered to come help on his day off. I love that my limitless love has somewhere to go, to such fine people. It just pours out of me for these beautiful humans I get to have in my life. I’m overjoyed at their love too.
This world is really fucking hard sometimes, but it’s also beautiful. There is so much love and freedom and joy. There is so much generosity and thoughtfulness and care. There are hugs and kisses and closeness and people who are there for you when the chips are down. Sometimes you have a family that you found and made, and sometimes they help you move. Sometimes they fix things and sometimes they geek out and let you join them in it. Sometimes you get to make them meals or rub them or listen. Sometimes you get to help them with the tasks around their homes or you help them make things. Sometimes you just have each others quiet comfort, and sometimes.. just sometimes.. you get to weep with joy.
How is the new apartment? I’ll tell you. It’s lovely, just so lovely.