How You Know You're Loved

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Well, the clouds are parting and I’m on the mend.  My cold is fading and I’m restless as hell.  So, the thing I was talking about.. the thing that might change stuff is a private health thing and nothing to do with my relationships.  I got a few worried messages (Thank you.. I love you guys), but no, my partners and I are okay.  I’m just dealing with this larger health thing and it’s looking like maybe it won’t be as huge as I feared going in.  We’ll see.  I’ll be fine too.  Nothing life threatening or anything.

But I’m remembering to use this for the greater good too.  I’m adding data to the “Ways I know I am loved and I will be fine” file in my mind. I have had a lot of evidence that I am loved.  I’ve been pretty sick and I had to cancel a ski trip with Traveler until this next weekend.  He was totally lovely about it.  We had our date Friday and got to see Quinky too, and he was all affection and love and so wonderful.  He ran cable in my living room while I cooked and we fell asleep entwined.  He tried hard not to look disappointed the next morning when it was official that we wouldn’t be skiing at that time, and he did a pretty good job of it.  He wanted to get stuff done and said he’d love my company.  We went to his house and did our own business stuff side by side and played a little WoW.  Quinky came home and invited me to stay for dinner.  It was pretty wonderful to just chill and eat together.  Traveler and I finished a little bit of WoW and then we helped Quinky a tiny bit making dinner.  When he left to get Peaches from the airport, Quinky and I had some good time to talk.

Little things like this are so fulfilling, sharing a meal and chilling together.  I don’t have to tell you how much I love any extra time with him.  The next day he invited me over for some WoW before the party.  We both took so long getting everything in order we actually didn’t play much WoW, but the gesture meant as much either way.  He still wanted me to come over and to be with him.  That feels wonderful to me.  And I was kinda sick already so it wasn’t even to have sex.  🙂

Then Sunday was the party at Cleveland’s house, watching the SuperBowl with friends and family, and it was really fun even if it was a landslide.  Shit.  Maybe BECAUSE it was a landslide.  For a bunch of Browns fans, being in a city where our team won the Super Bowl was pretty rarefied air.  There was good eats and good company and a HUGE TV!  Huzzah!  I got to enjoy the experience with my loves and steal a kiss or hug here and there too.  So lovely to pet my sweet Cleveland and steal a kiss here and there.

And Monday I was really sick, waking up with a fever and feeling just miserable.  Cleveland kept our date and came to snuggle me and get Pho with me anyway.  We ate the soup and watched a show and snuggled a bunch.  It was nice to feel loved and cared for like that, while I was really pretty miserable and sick.  He was such a comfort.  We talked more too about the stuff that is going on with me and he was his loving, steady, unflappable self.  We realized and talking about how we both blamed ourselves for putting the other through this health thing, though of course it was absolutely neither of us’s faults.  It was good to say it aloud and reassure each other.  We made another date this week, for tomorrow, and we’ll have more fun then.

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Traveler and I booked this coming Friday for our date this week and will go skiing Saturday morning.  I was pretty touched he made  room to reschedule the trip and that he was also trying to schedule a little extra time for us here or there this week.. a dinner or WoW or something.  I can’t tell you what it means to me to have my loves giving me their time like that… wanting to be with me as I want to be with them.  We wanted to watch Game of Thrones with Quinky though and he wanted time with Peaches too of course after a week apart, and I suggested that Game of Thrones could be our extra time this week, some time for me with both Quinky and Traveler.

Of course I was still sick Tuesday, and he and Quinky, being thoughtful, came over anyway to give me some company and bring me sickness supplies.  They brought delicious Pho, popsicles and coconut water, remedies and even flowers.  The flowers are so beautiful on my hearth.  It was so comforting to have those little pettings and hugs and Traveler and Quinky’s loving presence.  I woke this morning still feeling comforted.  Being sick sucks and it’s nice to be cared for.

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Even Boss has been pretty awesome through the whole thing, talking to me and being an ear and a distraction with his interesting posts and articles and links. He’s been really supportive and cool.  I worried that my relationships might be effected by my health stuff, but I see that maybe I needn’t have worried too much.  It’s brought out even more of the sweetness of my loves.  His time and her warm hugs and his gentle kisses and the snuggling and pettings and soup with all of my loves.  It’s a wonderful thing to count your blessings even in the thin.

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