I like It Like That

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I have to tell you that I want you.  I feel my hunger growing.  I’m surprised to find myself coming alive again, and feeling my want uncurling like tendrils of a growing fern.  Even as I’m scared I feel this little… bitty.. stir. 

I don’t know if everything is really different or if anything really changed, but I feel different.  Knowing what I know, I feel like everything is different.  I feel different about me.  I feel different about my situation and I wonder exactly how different I’ll actually be.  I feel like I did after my motorcycle accident.  I was told I was clear to ride and it had been six weeks and I wanted to get back in that saddle and I wanted to feel the wind again, but I was scared of what might happen.  It was different to me.  I knew now in a much more real way my own mortality and fragility.  But I do things I’m afraid of because I’m afraid of them. 

I’m not afraid of you.  I’m not afraid of what we are together because I know that’s good.  I’m actually afraid you won’t want me now.  I feel marked or something, like you’d find me in the scratch and dent.  I’m not like everyone else now.  I’m afraid you’ll be afraid of me.  People are afraid of people like me now. 

I’m afraid that I’ll stroke the side of your face and that I’ll kiss you in the slow calling way I kiss you when I want you, and you’ll recoil.  I’m afraid I’ll run my hands on your spine and pull you against me and your breath won’t catch and you won’t make that sound you make when I kiss the little depression by where your neck meets your body.  I’m afraid your skin will still taste like you and smell like you and I’ll get carried away by my want of you, like I do, and you’ll be stone.  Will you be able to close your eyes and tilt your head back and sigh?  Will my magic fingers work their spells anymore?  Or will you be saying over and over in your mind that I’m different now.  You can’t see it or smell it or taste it or touch it and you would hardly know it’s there.. but I found out and I told you, so can you see me past it? 

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Whatever it is about me that calls to you and gives me the same power over you that you have over me, will it still be there?  Will I be red hair and green eyes and pale pale skin?  Will I be kisses and touches and breath?  Will I be chemistry and love, passion and desire?  Or am I something else to you now?  Am I still the woman you want?  Am I the woman that you love?  Am I still me, to you?

I want you. 

I want everything I have with you.

I want you to kiss me and I want to feel the way your body reacts to that.  I want all of your kisses, the small and light and hard and long.  I want the taste of you on my tongue.  I want us to exchange breath like we do, intense.  I want your eyes and the way they pinpoint me and catch me in your gaze.  I love how you can delight me with your loving gaze and thrill me with the way you study me and watch me react to you.  I love your glee when you make me shudder. I love your mirth when I gasp and say so low.. “oh god.  oh god.. yes”.  I know you love the way I respond to your touch, to the things you say and to your naughty ideas.  I love all the kinds of sex I have with you, but right now I’m craving the one that touches everywhere. It’s mental, emotional, physical, spiritual.  Fuck it if that sounds too woo-woo. 

I love everything about that sex… the touching the taste smell heart mind sweat soul body need want love ache love friction. I love barely touching, electrons dancing in my touch.  I love that I can’t stop kissing you and that you say my name and tell me you love me over and over and over.  I love you on my tongue and my hands and my mind.  I love that very first moment when you enter me and I feel you slllllllllide home as I open to you. Already I am so very wet.  I love it when you tell me you can feel how wet I am.  I love it when you say I’m so warm.  I love you hitting bottom and pushing just  a  little  bit  more.  Ohhhh. 

I grind against you, loving the little ache and wanting more more more.  It’s passion and connection, moving with you, gaining momentum and power.  I am in your eyes and you are in mine.  We are there in that moment, not thinking.  We are breathing and want.  We are writhing, shivering, taking the sharpest little intakes of breath and breathing deeply too, slowly, so slowly.  You lips, your face, your tongue, your fingers, your cock, your hands.. oh god.  I want everything about you.  I revel in everything you do.  I love the way you touch me.  I love the way you fuck me.  I never never want to stop.  I want to move like this for hours, till we fall on the bed in a pool of sweat and satiety.  I want to not know if that is my sweat or yours.  I want my heart as full of you as my pussy.  I want to bathe you in my sex and I want to leave you smelling of me.  I want you to call forth the flood and I want to flow over you.  I want to feel you too.  I want you to come inside me and not leave.  I want to dance my fingers on your skin as I feel you shrink inside me.  I want to feel your cum leaking out of where we are joined.  I want to hold you tight against me as we return to earth and things other than us come into focus. 
I want you.  I want you as I’ve always wanted you.  More.  I want everything about you and I want you to want me too.  Please tell me that hasn’t changed.  Please touch me.  Come closer.  I need to see in your eyes that I’m still me to you.  I need to see that you want me.  I need you to tell me and I need you to show me.  I want you.  I have to tell you that I want you and that hunger is back.. and it’s growing.

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