Sex probably shouldn’t be as reassuring to me as it is, but well, it is. This one has some explicit sex. Be advised.
I’ve had reason to need reassurance and I got it. Traveler and I have had weeks of dates where we were getting a lot of work done. I was moving and we shopped for things I’d need and he helped move me and just do all kinds of chores. We worked on some of his stuff too. I love this and its a good thing.. but we really looked forward to being together to just chill.
So this weekend we happily planned a “nothing” date. We planned a nice afternoon out having some low-key fun and an evening of making casseroles, playing WoW and petting. We got lots of petting and snuggles Friday, but we’re gluttons for it, so another day of it sounded great. He may be the only person I’ve ever been with that loves snuggling and petting as much as I do. It’s a lovely thing when your love of affection matches.
We made two yummy casseroles together. I love cooking with him, talking and playing, grabbing his butt while he stirs. Lovely. We caught up on all sorts of conversation and made some naughty plans. Huzzah. It was a lot later than we’d planned when we finished cooking and talking and showered, and we decided to play WoW in the morning. It’s been a while, and I’ve been sick, and this was the first time we’ve had sex since my health stuff came to light. I was worried it would be odd, and that there would be this thing between us. But there wasn’t. It wasn’t weird. If anything it was sweeter, more connected, more passionate. I wanted to make it last, wanted to soak it up, and we did at first, kisses and touches and locked eyes, slowly achingly moving. But we quickly got a little carried away and frantic, and it was over too soon. We were both sated, and reeling, but we couldn’t break apart. You know how it is when you just can’t break the spell?
I worried about nothing. I feared nothing. Or well.. no. I had real fears that are luckily unfounded. He’s told me this a few times now that I needn’t worry, and held me and told me how much he loved me. He’s spent time with me and been present. He’s talked to me and touched me and helped me. And ALL of that was so needed and so important. In no way do I want to negate that. I have to tell you, right wrong or indifferent, that his actions have reassured me. But I held this last little bit of vulnerable fear until he fucked me. I needed him to need me and want me. I needed to know I wouldn’t change in his eyes or lose this amazing connection. I needed him to move with me and I needed his passion. I needed to be the same woman to him. It’s maybe a little bit of how I’m wired. I have lots of love languages and sex is by no means the most important. But it is one of the easiest. And I’m grateful.