The Case for Cunnilingus

Last night I had drinks with Quinky Girl and Peaches.  We had supportive, real down and deep girl talk.  They called me on being a “spinner”, which of course I am and know I am, but they pointed out something about my spinning.  It’s a simple idea that kinda struck me.  I struggle sometimes and think or “spin” too much.  It bothered me that what they were saying was true.  I know that they’ve gotten to know me in a really unique time in my life, and I’m an external processor and overcommunicator, so everything I feel comes out, and sometimes analyzing things was better than losing it and crying on the floor.  This thinking and spinning is part of a process for me, which they supported in a really cool way, but maybe a part that doesn’t have to be as large or as painful as it is sometimes.  And it sounds dumb, but I think I got a little nugget from that.  I knew that they were wrong about some things, like the extent, but I also knew that they were right about what they were saying, and what they were saying to me was important.  And I appreciated the reassurance too.

Oh last night… I had too many drinks.  So, early this morning I woke up and downed a glass of water and Motrin and still woke with a headache.  I was thinking how nice it would have been to have my favorite headache cure… an orgasm.  For this piece to work, we’re gonna have to suspend the fact that I could have just masturbated.  Go there with me.  It’s fun.

Its’ a scientific fact that “orgasms reduce sensitivity to pain, help headaches, relieve stress and greatly ease cramps” (among many other benefits).  I’ve included some links to articles below for more info.  Both men and women receive a great deal of health benefits from orgasm.  When I’ve had a bad day, or I’m really stressed, an excellent way to relax is snuggling and petting that gets carried away.  When I’m really overloaded.. really emotionally beaten.. I want to hurt physically and sexually.  Many times I’ve wished I had a booty-call person like that, someone who would fuck me so hard I was breathless, pull my head back by my hair and help me let it go with a big heavy flogger.  There is something about the release of endorphins and the pure physicality of it that is a balm.

And then I thought.. it’d be nice to have some head.  And I thought about what a complicated thing that would be.. to just get head.  It’s not a thing that happens to women.  Growing up, it’s totally common that a boy and girl go on a date and the date ends with the girl giving the boy oral sex and them going to their homes.  Sure.. often they’d have sex or maybe sometimes he’d reciprocate.. but c’mon.. have you ever heard of a girl and a boy going on a date and the evening ending with cunnilingus and nothing else?  Yeah.  It’s pretty rare.

Of course there is an exception to this rule.. and that would probably be the world of kink.  There it’s not uncommon for one party to give a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction to another party and there to be no contact that more vanilla people might consider sexual.  Or a sub might reward a Dom with sexual activity.. or the reverse can happen too.  Eh.. I could go on and on about this, but lets just say the kink world is an exception.

I looked it up too,  this disparity of head for women and head for men.  I wanted some stats.

A Kinsey Research Center Journal Article by Justin Armstrong says:

England and Fogarty (2009) addressed sexual satisfaction in a large study from 12,295 undergraduates from 17 different colleges. Participants were asked about oral sex rates and orgasm in their most recent hookup and most recent relationship sexual event. In this study, men reported receiving oral sex both in hookups and in relationships much more than women. In first-time hookups that involved oral sex, 55 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 9 percent only women receiving oral sex, and 27 percent both mutually receiving; in last relationship sexual activity, 32 percent included only men receiving oral sex, 16 percent included only women receiving oral sex, and 52 percent included both mutually receiving.

In both contexts, men also reached orgasm more often than women. In first-time hookups, 31 percent of men and 10 percent of women reached orgasm; in last relationship sexual activity, 85 percent of men and 68 percent of women reached orgasm. Armstrong et al. (2009) concluded with an important message: “A challenge to the contemporary sexual double standard would mean defending the position that young women and men are equally entitled to sexual activity, sexual pleasure, and sexual respect in hookups as well as relationships. To achieve this, the attitudes and practices of both men and women need to be confronted. Men should be challenged to treat even first hookup partners as generously as the women they hook up with treat them.”

So… it’s not just my perception.  I had this random thought years ago and have informally polled men and women, but the stats from actual studies seem to back it up.  Women are not getting enough head.  So I’m (only half jokingly) starting the Campaign for Cunnilingus!  I am a freak.. that I come vaginally or clitorally.  The vast majority of women (70-80% depending on the study) need sustained stimulation of the clitorus and orgasm with a partner most easily with oral sex or manual stimulation.  So let’s end this inequality people.

If you are shy because you fear you will not do it well, Google it.  Seriously.  There are soooooooo many resources.  Better yet, ask your partner.  If you have a vagina, tell people how you like it stimulated and ask people who you have sex with to help you explore and find out if you don’t know.  There are dozens of little tricks to try.  Try them and see what works.  You can make this communication sexy.  When a partner recently did this kind of not-too-hard biting thing to my outer labia.. just kinda exploring.. I reacted positively in the moment and told him later that I thought it was really sexy when he did that and it felt good.  Another time recently I was enjoying some lovely cunnilingus and I kept coming close and not quite coming, so I took his hand from my thigh and guided it towards my pussy, and he put it back on my thigh.  I think I said something like.. “Oh god… mm.. so close…please… use your hand” and reacted positively when he did.  If your partner starts to explore a little bit, encourage it and tell them or indicate to them when you like what they find.  Most of us really like feedback and encouragement.  It makes it better for both of us, and it’s kinda hot.  Start a Campaign for Cunnilingus!

Isn’t it funny how my mind works?  I have a little hangover headache and I spend my lunch break Googling cunnilingus facts.  Shrug.  Sometimes my over-thinking things is fun too.

14 Comments

    • Here here!
      I’m pretty lucky this way… and it kinda a requirement to me too. To clarify, my partners/play partners are ALL lovely about giving me head. I am OFTEN peeled off of the ceiling with such lovely ministrations. They vary in their love of it, but they are all generous and pretty great about it.
      And I personally LOVE it and find ways to thank them PROFUSELY. 😛

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  1. I dunno know… I’m not into kink but I am very much into eating pussy – and just because it’s there to be eaten… because it’s supposed to be eaten. I once joked that I could probably make six figures a year just going around and eating women when they wanted to be eaten but, hell, I’d eat them just because I flat out love doing it.

    So if all she wants is to be eaten into multiple orgasms, damned right, I’m down for it – open those legs, girl, and let me do the voodoo that I do. For me, going down on a woman is more intimate that fucking her (but that’s good, too) and, no, she doesn’t have to return the favor if she doesn’t want to… but if I did my magic correctly, she’s not gonna be able to return any favors.

    My mantra is this: You eat her until she can’t take it any longer – then eat her some more. Give her a chance to get off the ceiling… then eat her again. When she begs you to stop, you look up at her, smile, and keep eating her until she cums again. When she says she can’t cum anymore, make her cum again. If she’s not looking at you as if you just tried to kill her, you didn’t do it right – so start over.

    And if you’re not willing to do this and only this for her, then you probably don’t love to eat pussy and need to have your head examined.

    Oh, to be in Seattle right now…

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  2. Funny, I was just talking to a lover the other night that I’m the only woman he knows that gets move oral than she gives. And I love giving head too. But all the way back to high school my first sexual experience was my boyfriend going down on me, and I didn’t return the favor for a few months. I think the guy has always gone down on me before I’ve gone down on him, and I don’t have a rule or anything like that, it just seems to happen that way. Maybe because I always seem to date people who love giving oral? I can think of at least 3 one night stands or first encounters that involved oral sex for me but no oral or sex for him. I’m not sure why this is. I’m not sexually selfish, but I really never feel obligated to do something sexually and I assume other people a freely choosing as well. So I never feel like I ‘should’ give him a blow job just because he went down on me. And somehow giving a blow job feels more intimate to me that receiving, so it’s not something I’ll jump to doing right away with someone new.

    -Someone in the 9%

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