I have done a fair bit of thinking about the idea of policing what I write… and you know… the problem with if it’s done not in moderation is that is that then this becomes a completely useless blog. It’s not an outlet for me, and the people who do get something out of it get nothing and even then I could likely say some innocuous thing that will upset SOMEONE. Someone won’t like to read about kink or someone will think it bad of me to talk about sex or think the idea of multiple relationships in the first place is offensive. I CAN’T please everyone, even if I try. I can work to be considerate and to learn, but I’m not sure that writing so that I never offend anyone is a good goal.
I can of course try to be careful not to communicate by blog. I can talk to people the are affected before anything goes in here. I can avoid details sharing info that isn’t mine to share. I can talk about me and my life. I can ask permission to talk about people. I can give warnings at the beginning of potentially upsetting posts to people who would like not to read certain things and I’m willing to be careful not to write too much about some topics. I totally can police myself, but I think I also need to do that in moderation or what’s the fucking point? Why would I write a blog at all? I can be careful, but to a certain degree it’s impossible to write anything remotely useful and at the same time say anything.
So here goes. I’m gonna talk about sexy plans and gush on a little in happiness. Be advised.
Boss and I are hitting a bondage party tonight. Neither one of us is really “bondage for bondage sake” kind of people, but he’s planning a scene that includes bondage. He sent me a titilating picture of some things he picked up. One was duct tape covered with pics of kisses. Huzzah. Tittilation accomplished. I had an email from an old beau, asking to be friends and then quickly devolving into his fantasies about some fight we had a year ago. He said I might like to think I’m tough and kinky and such but.. blah blah blah. Still threatened by kink I guess. We fought a lot about kink and I wasn’t even doing anything that kinky at the time. I don’t think I’m that kinky now either. I mean I AM kinky, and I’m interested, but I don’t think I’m some special kinky person or something. I’m a total nube in so many ways. I’m still exploring this stuff. It’s exciting and a little scary and fun. And actually.. I AM kinda tough. 🙂
I’m so fucking happy. I’m giddy with it. I can’t believe the love in my life and the wonderful people I get to know. I’ve enjoyed time with friends and time with family and time with my murder this week and weekend and I’m looking forward to the coming week too. I feel like my relationships are deepening. It’s scary and beautiful and wonderful to be falling more in love and to be growing closer with the people in my life. I don’t know what will come of all of this anymore than anyone ever knows, but I know I’m enjoying it. At this moment I’m not thinking of the future and forever and what it all means. I am just in joy. I’m revealing in chemistry and connection. Everything isn’t perfect of course, because it never is, but that’s my kinda wonderful. I like wonderful that is not requiring perfection.
All I know at this moment is that my passions are being loosened. I am intrigued and excited and overcome. It just keeps getting better and better. I can’t believe my good fortune. There seems to be no bottom in sight in my desire and my passion and my connection. It’s thrilling me in so many ways. The conversations, the sex, the cuddling, snuggling, kissing, talking, touching, and love are just fucking amazing. I’m so in love and falling more. And I’m happy. I hope it’s careful and considerate of those around me and I hope I do better and better, but I’m just not going to feel bad about being happy tonight. I have a right to love this and to enjoy it. I’m in love! And I just, right now, right here.. I just want to enjoy this.