A while back Peaches and I were talking about relationships. We somehow came to the recommendation for ourselves to take note of the sweet loving affectionate mushy things our loves said and did that made us feel loved, and to remember them to pull them out when we need a little love or are spinning or down. (She’s a spinner like me.) Last night Traveler said a simple sweet thing and I added it to my little bank.
When Peaches and I first had the idea to save up those loving things, I thought about Traveler and I celebrating our anniversary. He took me to this little place in Alki. We laughed and talked and were cute and affectionate, holding hands and just feeling all warm and smiley. He talked to me for a long time about how and why he loved me and said all the beautiful things I want to hear. This is exceedingly noteworthy because he’s not a big “words” guy. He says great things, for sure, but it’s not a thing he does on demand. He’s incredibly loving with action and touch, his manner and affection too. But I like the words sometimes too. Ironically, in the same weekend Traveler and I celebrated, Cleveland said beautiful things to me too, at a dinner together in Capital Hill. It’s been about 6 months since they said that stuff and I still think about the things they said then and since, throughout our time with each other. I think about the things they do too, maybe more than their words in fact.
I’ve been adding things to my mental file. When my loves talked about loving me, or wanting to see me more, or what I meant to them I remembered. When they said they said the things they loved about me it unlocked places in my heart.
“My sweet Holly. My girl”
“You know I’m crazy about you”
“I love you”
“I love having you in my life”
“I love how I can talk to you… I trust you and I feel safe”
“I love the way you feel things and process them. You’re like a man, but with emotions”.
“You are a fierce woman”
“I’d be spinning like a sufi if I didn’t have you”
“I love how open you are. I can tell you anything”
“I don’t tolerate your sluttiness…I LOVE it”
“You are my family”
“I want a future with you. I can see you being part of my life for a long time. I want us to take care of each other”
“My Sister Wife”
“Do you want to help plan my kitchen?”
“To many happy years together”
“You’ve really impressed me with how you have handled all of this stuff in your life. You are so strong. I’ve been impressed with a lot of things about you. I respect you. I admire how you handle yourself. I love being able to love you and being a witness to these things you are apologizing for”
I have so many more. I pull them out and they make me smile and feel warm and loved. I squirrel lovely words like a bird collecting shiny things for my nest. I nestle in these beautiful words and I hear them any time I want to hear them again, in my mind.
I collect other things too; gestures and time and hugs and love and passionate connections and help and support and laughter. I was just thinking about words because I added Traveler’s sweet little nothing from last night. I love sweet little nothings. I wonder what, if anything, I’ve said or done that my loves treasure. Do you ever wonder how you resonate with others, or who’s mind you cross and when? This makes me want to tell the people I love genuinely and often what they mean to me.