Why I Won't Fuck Your Boyfriend

I had a really nice day.  I had a really nice weekend overall in fact.  Traveler and I had a fun and beautiful date going to Hump! Tour, and I had a nice Saturday, garage-saling in my hood, and met a woman from OKC.  I’ll get to that in a minute.  I had a good Sunday.  I spent a little time in WoW, cleaned my house and FINALLY got my boxes from moving in all loaded up.  Cleveland came over and measured my brake rotors.  It’s a long story, but he likely just saved me a BUNCH of money. I made him breakfast and we marveled at the loveliness of a Sunday morning together.  Sunday mornings are very rare for us.  It was nice to just talk and cook and joke in the daylight, with the breeze blowing through my clean apartment.  I didn’t shower before he came over, because I was cleaning, and still we got carried away.  I tried to not have sex with him, and could not resist.  Even full from breakfast, even a little mussy from cleaning, there was no stopping.  God the chemistry of that man.. woof!~

ImageWe kissed and laughed and marveled at the storm once it had passed.  Great googly damn.  He headed home after a while and I sat back to grin and finish my laundry.

Quinky Girl called and invited me to a little mother’s day dinner, and she made this ridiculously good tarragon and sherry chicken, with butter and other stuff in the sauce, mashed potatoes, and broiled asparagus. Yum.  We all laughed and talked, and I told them about my date from last night, with a woman from OKC, and she said it was a blog post right there, and so it is.

I met this woman online a short while ago when we “liked” each other on the site, clicking one another’s profile.  She is cute and funny and sent a zany message.  Her site mentions a bit that she is part of a couple and “we” are looking for adventures.  She also says she’s bi however, and early on in our talking I asked her about that and she said they “play separately and together”.  Excellent.  It seemed like she was kinda into some of the same things I was, and she seemed to be looking for casual adventure and friendship, and to be open to just her and I, or her and I and one of our men, if interest was there.  Perfect.

ImageI have to admit here, I love threesomes.  Traveler and I have talked a lot about them and had a sort of not-really kinda thing with my friend from the club before she became serious with her boyfriend.  There are people in my life I’d love to share with him if it was ever right for all of us.  I love threesomes when they are right.  I love watching my lover with another person, all of us interacting and exploring.  I love being the guest star.  I love the extra sensation and the interest and surprise of someone new and of my familiar love in a new way.  I love being able to see their pleasure in a way I can’t normally see when it’s just them and me.  It’s hard to suck someone’s cock and see their face and all the reactions of their body.  I love exploring a new partner together.  I love encouraging and being encouraged and the sensations that aren’t possible with only two hands or one mouth.  I love the way in threesomes we tend to sort of flow back and forth and here and there.  I love all the kissing and the contrast of a man and a woman.  (I’ve never had a “devil’s threesome”, but I’d like to.  It’s two men).  While I’ve certainly had my share of threesomes, I hope I have more of them.  It’s funny that I struggle a little now to be honest about this desire to have threesomes in general.  Our partners all know and totally approve.  The thing is.. I don’t want to be a unicorn hunter and I feel almost crippled to admit my interest to the beautiful women I have this interest in, because I don’t want to do to them what so often happens to me.

ImageIt would be hot if a couple said to me “Hi there.  We saw your profile or noticed you or whatever.  The thing is we both think you are very hot, and we find you interesting in this way and we’d like to meet you, or go out with you, or talk over a drink or coffee or whatever”.  You know.. yeah.. maybe.  If they were kinda cute and I didn’t feel pressured.  How flattering that a couple would like me or be interested in ME.  This doesn’t happen much.  What I get are oodles of messages where they lay out how they are looking for a woman and they would like to do all of these things and none of those things to/with me.  They usually do not ask me anything. They don’t even ask my name most of the time.  They don’t express the slightest interest in me as a person or even ask me what I’m into sexually.  It feels very much like they are looking for some very specific woman to fill some very specific job, and I have been preselected as qualifying because I appear to have a vagina.

ImageThe messages are often laced with obvious drama and insecurity, expressing concern that I should understand that they are super happy and they in no way want to change that ever.  Some of them even list things I should not expect to ever have access to.  They say I can’t kiss him or I shouldn’t expect him to orgasm with me, or that I need to know that they are not looking for a girlfriend or how important it is that I understand and am willing to date both of them.. equally.  I don’t object to them wanting interest in both of them.  I don’t mind them saying what kind of relationship limits they’d like.  What I don’t like is the way it is phrased.. almost chastising me in advance for my meddling tendencies, when this is their first message to me.  I can feel the accusation that I am just waiting for some couple to message me and demand a laundry list of sexual favors and having explicit limits so that I can override them all and get my evil bi-sexual hooks into their unsuspecting hides.  Ugh.  This is why 99% of the time I delete messages from couples without any reply and why I am scared to message any women to gauge their interest in me/me and Traveler.

So imagine my surprised pleasure when a cute, funny, seemingly relatively normal woman messages me and says I’m cute and she’d like to talk to me and/or meet.  She clearly expressed that she was mostly interested in more casual sorts of things and didn’t want a heavy relationship.  Fine.  She said off the bat that she and her partner were interested in adventures together, but she also said she was into adventures alone, whatever chemistry seemed to suggest.  I admitted I was interested in adventures with my partners too, and she seemed intrigued.  Couple play and/or threesomes seemed like possibilities.  All good.  Um.. wow.  Yeah.

So after a bit of chatting we agreed to meet.  She and I met in my neighborhood.  She used to live here and wanted to make the drive.  Excellent.  We meet and she looks like her profile (big plus).  She is cute and has a nice little figure.. curvy and kinda vivacious.  Yay.  She’s just as funny in person and very nice.  Then.. well.. she leveled with me.  She is actually looking for someone to fuck her boyfriend on a semi-regular basis so that he can have the variety he craves and she doesn’t need to worry about some “boyfriend stealing meddler”, because she knows how women are and the last two bitches were the worst, including the one that he kept fucking behind her back when she cut it off.  Shit.  Dammit.  She isn’t actually interested in me, but she would maybe play with him and I if we required it.  Oh.  Snap.  It makes me so hot when people could stomach the idea of fucking me.  <eyeroll>  I mean, it’s not often people could choke back the bile enough to get naked in my presence.  <forehead smack>

ImageShe said a number of times that she just wanted to make her boyfriend happy and that she had to do this to keep him. Dammit.  Dammit dammit dammit.  I didn’t chew her a new one because I generally don’t think of such things in the moment and I left feeling disappointed and a little gobsmacked.  It was only later that I got irritated about this.  Really?  It felt like a bait and switch.  It was so dishonest.  She wasn’t really interested in me at all.  She wanted me to be a free hooker pretty much.  She wanted to broker and control who her boyfriend fucked since she felt he couldn’t draw a boundary, and he’d stood up for one of the “meddling bitches” he’d fucked who had the audacity to.. gasp.. call him sometimes.  She hoped I’d commiserate about these terrible women who just wanted to get their meat hooks into her man.  She said a few times that she knew how women were.  I asked if she was looking to date others too or if she had interest in sexual adventures with other couples or whatever, knowing the answer.  Of course not.  Why does it never occur to unicorn hunters that the ladies of the couples could take turns with each other’s dudes and they’d all get less worrisome threesomes with women who weren’t looking to steal their men?  Oh yeah.. because only one penis can ever be anywhere.  Gah.

Dammit I hate this kind of bait and switch and luring under false pretenses.  I hate how it taints the desire of some couples to have sexy adventures with a third.  I hate how hard it makes it for me to admit I’d really like threesomes with Traveler and sexy adventures with Cleveland and another couple.  I recommended a swing club to this woman and/or a prostitute.  She said her boyfriend hadn’t liked those ideas because he is shy and it’d be easier for him to fuck a woman over a period of time.  Whatever.. not getting super into all of that.  I think they are not on the same page at all.

I’m not sure how to wrap this one up.  Harumph?  Geddammit.  Whatever?

Maybe with that.. yeah.. whatever.  I’m relaxing with a belly full of delicious dinner and dessert and wine.  I had lovely snuggles and time with my loves.  I actually DO love both parts of a couple (even if Quinky Girl and I aren’t sexual).  I think THAT’s how you do it.  You’re honest and you admit what you’d really like and you treat people well and they treat you well too.  I still hope Traveler and Cleveland and I will find our sexy adventures over time, and I hope I never treat women we’re involved with like that.  Maybe that’s the ticket.  Be honest and admit what you’d like and respect those you’d like it from and recognize they are whole people, whether we want big old relationships or not.



  1. I’m sorry you has that unfortunate date, but I’m so very happy that you had a lovely time with your other loves. It’s sad that there are people practicing “non-monogamy” out there who claim to be very open, but in reality they’re more closed-minded than some vanilla mono couples. These non-mono types tend to spoilt it for the rest of us, I think – we get a bad name. Perhaps one of those “man-stealers” her BF was with was new to this scene. She then meets you, and you say you’re in an open relationship. She’s gonna run to the hills, because she’s going to assume all open people are batshit crazy like that woman. Sad.

    I’m glad for writers like you that play an important part in “norming” the non-monogamous world. Thank you for that!


  2. UGH, that sounds like the worst! I’m not sure why she couldn’t have just been honest up front, ya know? It’s weird to say one thing in person and then have it be TOTALLY OPPOSITE in actuality.

    Though, I can see how things might change in the moment? My lady advertised a threesome, and truthfully she’s still interested in the possibility down the road, but the chemistry between the two of us was so crazy that things sorta shifted and we all re-evaluated what we were wanting. She advertised one thing, but it has ended up differently, though I don’t believe her intention was to snag a couple only to bang the wife/girlfriend, ya know?

    Your experience is what makes me nervous about the whole poly thing…I’m not really good at wading through bullshit, or facing rejections. I hate leaving encounters like you mentioned, makes me feel all squicky inside!


  3. Oy. She’s only asking for trouble and heartbreak going about it like that! Unfortunately I know too many couples with a similarly depressing dynamic…One wants something more (kinky sex, group sex, or just sex with new people), and the other reluctantly grants the request for fear of losing their partner. Really unfortunate.

    On a lighter note, I’ve never heard MMF called a ‘devil’s threesome’ before…I like the sound of that 🙂 I’ve loved MFF but I’m curious about the other…Frankly, I have no idea how one goes about setting that up. I’m currently single, so I don’t have an existing guy to play the M#1 role. Any thoughts?

    Thanks! – from a fellow Seattlelite 🙂


    • Hello there fellow Seattleite. Thanks for commenting. Yeah.. I think devils threesomes are a little harder to set up. I’m guessing the easiest ones might be at a swing club or something? Or to look for guys to date that might be up for a few kinds of adventures. My one boyfriend would be totally into it and the other not so much. I’m not sure it’s the easiest thing to find. It’s just my limited experience, but it seems like there are a lot more women willing to share this way then men. I’m not sure what that’s about. I love the MFF too though, so that works I guess. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s