I said something tonight at trivia that got me thinking a little. I said I didn’t want to hope too much when it looked like we won or it wouldn’t happen. My friend asked if I really believed my thought could change the outcome and I said I didn’t.. not really. See, intellectually I don’t believe my mind can control things. But it is an old old habit. I catch myself wanting something, excited and I try not to want it too much. I shut it down. I have this old tape that says if you really want it it won’t happen. And I realized I do this all the time. I actually tell myself “don’t get too excited or you’ll mess it up”. It’s so funny the things we tell ourselves, isn’t it?
Having said all that, I’m really getting excited for my trip with Traveler. I can’t fucking believe it. We’re planning a big road trip to British Columbia for.. get this.. 4 nights and 5 days. It’s like a real vacation! It is a real vacation! I need to kill leave and I think he does too and what a great way to do so. I spent a while before my date with Cleveland tonight and after looking at lodging and getting stoked at the idea of grilling with Traveler, and getting to drive with him a good long while, and going to wineries, and maybe hitting a hot spring.. and just.. whatever. We could play axis and allies or stay in bed until 1. We could do anything. I’m almost giddy. He seemed excited too, planning it with me last night. (Don’t want it too much). 🙂
It felt like a while since I’d seen him and I guess it was a while since we’d had much time. My last date with him was a week before and we’d met right before our weekends away for a quick bite. It was a precious few hours after work and before we fell asleep, but it felt like a lot to reconnect and have fun planning our vacation. We were both yawning a lot with our bellies full of tuna pasta and we blissed out on touch. It was so nice to reconnect in all our little ways and to fall asleep sated and warm and happy. I love our little mundane weeknights too. It’s funny how long it feels now when I don’t see him for a week. Time with my beautiful men has me spinning like the hills are alive with the sound of music.