My Familia

Traveler and I had a lovely stay-cation for our anniversary that was briefly interrupted, maybe happily interrupted.  I am a mushy mush ball, but it’s just that I love my family.

family crazy mug shotQuinky Girl was out camping with Jonah and had been called back to work for some work junk. Traveler and I had been to the swing club that night and blissed out on each other and a bit of fun people watching.  We were sitting by the pool watching all the happenings and not really involved much in them, and we were holding hands on the table.  At one point we weren’t even talking, were just petting each other’s hand and lost in a gaze.  I love it when he does that.  And then we kissed.  We’d been kissing on and off all night, but this one was different.  “Mmm.  Let’s get out of here”.  I needed to take him home right then.

We stopped for gas and to use the bathroom, and we were playful, and I love it when we’re like that.  I was thinking of the long night still ahead and the candles and the wine and the music, his skin and his kisses.  I love the simmer.

And I saw I’d missed a call from Quinky Girl.  Oh no.  We weren’t able to take our phones in the club, so I’d missed her call and message.  She was having to come for the night, and she was trying to let us know.  I called her back while Traveler was still pumping the gas and got the skinny from her.  She was saying she’d be fine and she could go stay at Jonah’s house but that she’d have to spend the night in the city and deal with this work stuff.  Of course that wasn’t necessary.  Traveler and I had been at the house, but we could go to my place with no problem. More concerning was this big stressful work thing.  I asked if we could all go have a drink and she could tell us about it and she said to just meet her at the house and she’d make tasty libations.

family centaurTraveler got into the car and I caught him up.  We drove and I caught him up on what little I knew.  We were about 40 minutes away and had some time on the bridge after we’d caught up to chat.  I told him  that I loved this.  He asked what “this” I loved, and I told him I felt really honored and lucky and blessed to feel like I have a family.  I talk about them as my family here and Quinky and I have talked about family, but I haven’t talked much to Traveler about family, aside from saying that I felt he was becoming a part of mine.  I told him I loved that we could do this, could call on each other or offer to be there for each other and that it touched me deeply that we’d be there for all these little  messes and that maybe if there was a big one we’d be there then too.  He said “of course we would”.  He held my hand and said that he loved it too, and how lucky we are.  He asked if I minded a little side trip in our evening and I assured him I didn’t.  I asked if he minded, and he smiled and said he didn’t either.

I think this is rare, to find your people and to feel this sense of belonging and all of these ties.  It touches this deep deep deep ache and need in me and fills me.  I thrive on loving and being loved and on collaborating in love.  It wasn’t that I didn’t mind… it was that I loved being here.  I feel honored.  I loved that she could call and that we’d be there just as I know if of her and Traveler too.  It is continually precious and sweet to have this kind of experience.  This is precious, this moment.  The Greeks believe in a few kinds of love.. eros (passion), philia (mental love-friendship), storge (affection- more like that of a parent for a child or of putting up with something), and agape (love of the spirit-unconditional, familial).  I was thinking how many of these are met here in my familia.

family choke

I know I’ve talked about this a lot, my need and my gratitude, but I feel that like a romantic relationship I fall more and more in love here.  I don’t want to blink or miss a thing.  I want to celebrate each tiny milestone and note every little nuance.  I want to be wholly and fully awake.  This.  Remember this.  So rare and so precious are these salad days.

I take all of these shiny moments and note each one.  Evidence.

She called us.  He gave me a key.  She talked to me about power of attorney and swears she’ll do as I ask.  He said we are lucky.  We all said how rare this is.  We watch football.  I make dinner.  We watched “Meet Me In St. Louis” on the phone together.  I told her about Ohana.  I excavated the stump in his yard.  He helped me spray-paint the decorations on my cabinet.  We cleaned the gutters.  They hold me.  I hold them.  We chat on Google.  She sends me pics.  He shopped for all the things I’d need for my apartment with me.  They asked me to help with their kitchen.  He got the things I needed when I was sick.  I drop off things when they are sick too, salted caramel ice-cream and homemade chicken soup.  I plucked his eyebrows and his ears.  She gave me a flower.  We watch TV.  I tied her corset.  She massaged my aching neck and eased my headache.  They bought a bottle of wine for all of us to drink- next year.  His toiletries are in the medicine cabinet and the shower.  She invites me to Jonah’s parties.  We sit on the porch and we sorted labels after a hard day.  She makes us dinner.  She hugs me.  It’s safe to be in love with her and to tell her, as safe as love ever is anyway.  We want to go to Oregon.  She wishes I was there with his family.  I wish my family would meet her too.  And him.  We plan little things.  He said it made sense for us to grow old together, and even if it’s just a dream it’s a good dream and I love that he shared it.

A long long time ago RollerGirl and I talked about poly relationships as a system of webs.  There are thick and thin silks and the webs are all individual and unique, each relationship it’s own web, and all interconnected and effecting each other.  If you break one of the silks, the connected webs feel it, and thicker strands are felt wider.  Pulling  here pulls there and snapping back shakes the entire web.  And I think that is true.  These connections are silks, so delicate and so strong, and I find myself celebrating every silken strand we make.  family spiderman

 

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